Slippery (Forum Supporter) said:I only read the first post so bear with me. Stupid question probably but cant you speak while you ASL?
Like the time she spoke to Keith. If ahe would have spoken the words out loud as she ASL it might have helped her family.
Are they speaking out while texting?
In reply to Slippery (Forum Supporter) :
Thanks for asking. Yes, you can speak and sign, it's called SimCom (simultaneous communication). It's really difficult, though. ASL uses far fewer signs than English has words, and ASL is context based, so SimCom is a poor blend. The signs will make sense, but the words won't, or the words will make sense but the signs won't. My wife struggles every time she tries it.
mtn (Forum Supporter) said:Slippery (Forum Supporter) said:I only read the first post so bear with me. Stupid question probably but cant you speak while you ASL?
Like the time she spoke to Keith. If ahe would have spoken the words out loud as she ASL it might have helped her family.
Are they speaking out while texting?
I am not sure what texting has to do with anything? No need to sign while you text.
she was video chatting with Keith.
Slippery (Forum Supporter) said:mtn (Forum Supporter) said:Slippery (Forum Supporter) said:I only read the first post so bear with me. Stupid question probably but cant you speak while you ASL?
Like the time she spoke to Keith. If ahe would have spoken the words out loud as she ASL it might have helped her family.
Are they speaking out while texting?
I am not sure what texting has to do with anything? No need to sign while you text.
she was video chatting with Keith.
Recon1342 said:when a deaf friend called her while we were at mom's house. Everybody else was surfing the web or whatever on their phones, so my wife answered (video calls are awesome if you are deaf) and began "speaking" with Keith. Apparently this was also a bad idea. Lots of angry looks and a comment from mom- "why don't you talk out loud so we can understand? It's rude to speak in a foreign language in front of other people!"
I see it as the same thing. They're not part of the conversation. If they want to be, they can learn ASL and get in the video frame.
Don't know if you can deflect a bit to covid but perhaps bring up that due to greater mask usage that she's turned to this more frequently and has come to like it and found it valuable and useful?
My wife has had hearing aids and relies strongly on lip reading. We've tried a tiny bit of ASL but honestly end up texting each other if we can't hear well.
Not to sound harsh, but if it hurts her families feelings(not that they seem to have any in this situation), but shame on them for not learning. It's their child, sister, niece and family member. What kind of decent and caring person wouldn't learn ASL in order to communicate with her in a manner that's comfortable to her? What would it take, a few hours of their time watching a couple of basic instructional videos or attending a couple of classes to get started. It should be something that they long ago should have been happy to do for her.
Sorry, but this thread bothers me.
Many years ago my mother had a brief interaction with a hearing impaired client. Being the type of person she is, immediately afterwards, she contacted the local community college and took a beginner course in ASL. I give her credit for taking the step based solely on 1 experience. She didn't learn much, but just enough to make her client feel overwhelmed the next time they met. It was actually a tearful meeting for both of them.
How are you two at making an awkward situation worse? Jodi and I enjoyed seeing people uncomfortable so when she started having some physical issues that family didn't take seriously we carried on how we normally were but whenever something was done that was a problem for her to we exaggerated it. If ASL makes them uncomfortable I'd be tempted to bring a couple markers and those giant pads like win, lose, or draw and write everything down for your wife to read. The bigger the spectacle the better, maybe an easel or staple gun it to a wall. Eventually they can come around or watch it get more comically difficult each time.
A few years ago she became more dependent on a wheelchair which a lot of family members thought was because she was too lazy to walk. For some reason one Christmas they moved Christmas dinner from her mom's house which was a single story with a ramp to her aunt's split level that had stairs everywhere. Her uncle, a saint, volunteer fireman, and extremely quiet unsuspecting prankster helped because he didn't know why we were forced to navigate his house. We got into the house ok, but each movement became more difficult, down to the family room, up to the bathroom, back down, back up. When it was time to leave this was her uncle's work. She was too tired to get from the bathroom to the car. He faked calling 911 and a few of his firemen buddies showed up in full gear and carried her through the whole house out to the car. Her aunt was mortified that we'd done this and the whole neighborhood was talking about what was going on at her house. We never had to go back there for Christmas again.
Recon1342 said:lotusseven7 (Forum Supporter) said:So her family has never taken the time to learn to sign?
Her hearing started to degrade around the age of four. Her parents actually toured the New Mexico School for the Deaf, and decided to raise her as a hearing child. She's had numerous types of hearing aids (They don't work well) and was put through a lot of speech therapy. If you listen to her speak, you will not know she is Deaf. By all rights, ASL should have been her first language, but it wasn't until about four years ago that it became a priority. She contracted Strep-A, and the resulting fever destroyed what was left of her hearing, along with nearly hospitalizing her. After learning ASL, we discovered just how much she was missing and how exhausting it was for her to lip-read.
No, they've never taken the time.
This reads to me more like they've been in denial - you know, if we ignore it hard enough it'll go away - rather than not willing to take the time. Or maybe they feel it's inconvenient for them. Not a good look either way.
I wish I had some advice to give on how to make them see the light, but given the steadfast refusal and length of time this has been going on, I'd have to agree with a lot of the other posters who pointed out that close by family isn't always close family.
In reply to BoxheadTim (Forum Supporter) :
I'm sure there's a lot of denial. I can't tell you how many people have come to me that were stunned at Jodi’s passing. Meanwhile all her doctors were shocked she went so long and we made no secret of her issues.
On Wally’s note, this could be a lot of fun. Go to get a drink, ask if they want anything. When they respond with water, make a funny face and say “ok” and come back with a cup of vinegar. Ask how their day was, they say good, respond with OMG, DO I NEED TO CALL THE POLICE? HOW MANY TIMES DID HE KISS YOU???
In reply to mtn (Forum Supporter) :
We may bring an interpreter one Sunday, just for E36 M3s and grins...
johndej said:Don't know if you can deflect a bit to covid but perhaps bring up that due to greater mask usage that she's turned to this more frequently and has come to like it and found it valuable and useful?
My wife has had hearing aids and relies strongly on lip reading. We've tried a tiny bit of ASL but honestly end up texting each other if we can't hear well.
I strongly recommend learning ASL. It will only improve communication. I wish my wife and I had done so 20 years ago.
Recon1342 said:In reply to mtn (Forum Supporter) :
We may bring an interpreter one Sunday, just for E36 M3s and grins...
Love this.
For those unfamiliar, it helped me to think of ASL like Chinese, where the writing is groups of symbols, and ESL is more like english with signs for specific words.
Is there anyone in that family group that your sister is a little closer with, or is more accepting? Rather than focus on all of them, could you try to enlist an ally in the group? Even if all they do is refrain from reinforcing the negative behaviors, that's a place to start.
I like the interpreter idea. I'd also tell people you were their first client and they're still learn and encourage them to make a lot of weird mistakes. "Grandma hows the vibrating butt plug collection?" No that can't be right.
In reply to Wally (Forum Supporter) :
You, my friend, are a riot. If ever you come out West, dinner is on me.
In reply to Recon1342 :
If I remembered any of the sign language I learned in school I'd come play interpreter
matthewmcl (Forum Supporter) said:I think you are doing the right thing with expecting them to learn ASL, even if they resent it.
1. Recognize (as you already have) that they are being shiny happy people and are valuing their own convenience over your wife.
2. Recognize that you are being accommodating to them not as a means of valuing them, but as a means of valuing your wife.
3. Keep up with the plan of signing to them. Just because they balked the first time, doesn't mean they can't soften to it. Repetition is the mental version of the baseball bat. Somewhere they need to understand that they need to leave their own comfort at your door. Follow the rule that if they are in your house, they will sign. If they need to text to ask you something, they can, but only if your wife is also included in the text.
You cannot convince a shiny happy person to stop being a shiny happy person with any civilized means. Even then, you just force them to hide it. God can change them, but that is about it. While in your house, treat them with all of the respect that they give your wife.
I really like this thought you posted, Matthew. One small clarification, though- I do not sign to her family at all. I sign with my wife, and our niece when she is there. I do so so that my wife is able to keep up with the conversation.
Everybody then gets pissed because I am using a language they don't understand. Even though it is the absolute best way to communicate with my wife. (And even if I tell them what was said)
Recon1342 said:In reply to mtn (Forum Supporter) :
We may bring an interpreter one Sunday, just for E36 M3s and grins...
Don't bring a real one, just have someone act like one, but get it wrong.
edit; Wally beat me to it
In reply to Recon1342 :
I guess I would start signing to them, then. Bring them into the signing conversation, even if they don't know any, yet. Be the interpreter.
In reply to Steve_Jones :
That's what I was thinking but couldn't find
In reply to Steve_Jones :
There are actually people that think that works, if you can believe it.
Appleseed said:In reply to Steve_Jones :
There are actually people that think that works, if you can believe it.
I'm deaf in my left ear, well aware of people shouting thinking it helps. If you're on my left side and I can't see you, shout away, I still can't hear you.
@ the OP. Do you actually like these people or are they just family. You need to sort this out first then pick your path.
Leave the toxic situation behind. They are not nurturing her, they are not building her up, they are not supporting her. If she could hear perfectly they still wouldn't be nurturing her, building her up, or supporting her. They are simply not good people.
Leave good people out of your life. I know that's easy for me to say, but I have family that, while the situation is different, are not good to be around, so we aren't around them. Like you, I long for a close-knit family, but that is not in the cards so we moved on.
In reply to DrBoost :
After a long discussion last night, that's basically what we decided to do. We will visit for special occasions (Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc.) but other than that, we will be focusing on our life and ensuring our children are exposed to Deaf culture.
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