I need to vent/ need opinions about a relationship

I was hoping for a better update. Wanted you to know we are all still here. 
 

(And so is she)  too soon?

Well E36 M3.  

She's worked her days and her day off was today.  I get up to come to work and see her standing in the backyard with her dog in a leash. She's just standing there almost ready to fall over.  Like she's stuck,  like those videos you see of people doped up out on the street.  I don't know what she took or where she got it but she was on something.  She's picked at her face until she looks like a meth addict with open wounds all over it.  She was incoherent and I had to go to work so I just left her. 

Just when I think there's hope things just take a deeper dive.  I'm pissed off. I'm sad.  And I'm still in this situation only now it's worse.

berkeley

Nick I'm sorry to hear this. I'm sorry for you and I'm sorry for her. 

In reply to Nick Comstock :

Totally unrelated other than to get you outside where you are right now.  I think Floating Doc would be cool with this but I'm heading down to him in Deland on the 17th.  Wanna meet up and just hang for a bit?  We're going to do car things.  Promise we won't talk about this situation unless you want to.

In reply to Stampie :

I really appreciate it but that's a workday. 

In reply to Nick Comstock :

I'm planning a GRM get together in Dunedin on the 26th. Would love to have you come if you're free.

In reply to hobiercr :

OIC ... you can invite the mid FL people but not the NE FL people. 

In reply to Nick Comstock :

Yeah normally for me too but I took vacation that week and Floating Doc has weird days.

Stampie said:

In reply to hobiercr :

OIC ... you can invite the mid FL people but not the NE FL people. 

Bicoastal stampie scares me a little. 

In reply to hobiercr :

Man you guys are hitting all around my days off but the 26th I work too.  My schedule is 4 on 2 off.

In reply to Stampie :

I texted you about it. Everyone is welcome! I just hate. for people to drive 3+ hours each way.

In reply to Nick Comstock :

I work from home and can usually break away for a lunch or something if you ever want to get away from the house.

Nick Comstock said:

Well E36 M3.  

Just when I think there's hope things just take a deeper dive.  I'm pissed off. I'm sad.  And I'm still in this situation only now it's worse.

berkeley

I missed this earlier.  I'm really really sorry for the situation, and I'm especially sorry for your place in it.  I hope you can get it resolved, one way or another, soon.  I know you want to help but as the old saying goes, it's just not possible for someone who doesn't want it.

Best of luck to you both.

Time to cut her completely out of your life.  Kick her out of your house.  What happens to her is her responsibility, she won't get better until SHE decides she wants to.  All that's going to happen now is she drags you down with her.

I dont know if anyone else has mentioned this or not as I am late to the party but...   Get her out of your place as soon as possible, and do not support her financially or with anything of value. I don't know what the laws are in Florida, but in some jurisdictions you may be considered her spouse. In which case it is in your best interest to consult a lawyer just to protect yourself. Keep in mind anything, you help her with that has a value financially, could be used against you should it end up in court. 

Your updated on 3/3 confirms to me, my own opinion, when I started reading this.

Give the situation a hard stop. This will not end pretty either way, but damage control would be getting her out ASAP. Your original post was over a month ago and not only have things not improved, it sounds like she's using amphetamines. She'll have to want to help herself before she can get any help.

In reply to Nick Comstock :

So... did you kick her out of your house yet or not? Are you still allowing her access to her house? Or did she just wander back to your house to stand in your back yard?

I'm trying to be sympathetic and understanding, but you need to assert some boundaries or you're going to get trampled.

As others have said, this is not going to end well. No one deserves what you are going through. I understand your compassion, but it is being wasted on someone who appears to just be using you. Move on before she completely screws up your life. I wish you well and hope you take the advice that myself and others here have given.

I wish it was just that easy. 

In reply to Nick Comstock :

Is her life truly more important to you than your own?

Before she starts pawning your stuff and bringing cops or worse around the house, you need to boot her out. 

That  is  the only way this ends well for you. 

It's admirable and telling how hard it is for you to do, but she'll destroy everything you've worked for if you don't, and she'll most likely drag you down with her. Compassion is a very dangerous double sided sword. 

Nick Comstock said:

I wish it was just that easy. 

You do not have the power to solve her problems, but you certainly have the power to solve your own. It may be tough. It may be uncomfortable. But it is doable.

The situation is in your control, and as sympathetic as I am, it's kinda time for you to nut up or shut up.

What is ONE boundary that you need to feel comfortable? Just one important one. Pick it. Figure out how to assert that boundary. Tell her what you are going to do. Do it. Stick with it. It will be uncomfortable, but it will quickly become normal.

If you want suggestions, I can tell you what *I* would do in your situation, but this is really about what makes sense to YOU.

Nick Comstock said:

I wish it was just that easy. 

I feel you. 
 

I'm going through the angst of a separation from the woman I've been with for 37 years. 
 

It hurts like hell. You still need to do it. It's best for both you AND her. 

In reply to SV reX :

I'm sorry to hear that Paul. 

In reply to Nick Comstock :

Thank you. I'm sorry to hear what you are going through too. 
 

My grandson will be born in the next 10 minutes. WooHoo. 

If you are afraid of just shunting her homeless, you might consider contacting a social worker in your vicinity. They may be able to help be able to give some resources for her that can let you feel more comfortable.

You need to step up to advocate for yourself.  YOU ARE BEING USED. Furthermore, her dependency on you is enabling her to continue sliding down the slope. You need to decouple yourself from the feeling of responsibility for someone that is not taking responsibility for themselves. 

I had to go through this with a relative recently. I know you feel like its your duty to care, but your efforts are being wasted on someone who will not care for themselves. 

I know this is tough, but sometimes the right thing to do will not feel kind.