Very sad to hear about this, but glad that you shared with us. Depression is horrible and it can seem like it's never going to get better and there's no other way out. Also, some people make bad decisions, some more permanent than others. My heart goes out to you and your family.
Dude.
Nothing to do now but sad. Sad passes, and maybe some answers come and maybe they don't. Maybe this can be a reminder to all of us that there are folks out there dealing with things we couldn't possibly imagine. Sometimes we can help them and sometimes we can't, but maybe if we start acknowledging a few more we'll create an environment where maybe some of them feel like help is a viable option.
I've got nothing for you but condolences, but I've got a lot of those. Sorry, man.
I wish I had something helpful to say.
We're here for you.
I am sorry to hear this... heed Majorie's advice. your cousin did not do it to hurt his family, he did it to protect them. In that state of mine, you really think that by being there, you are hurting everyone around you.
god speed young man
My condolences for your loss.
If there is one thing I've "learned" about clinical depression, it is that it does not make sense. It is not rational. There is no reason for any of it that anyone outside the head of the person suffering can comprehend. I have seen first hand how it can drag people with no real outward problems into a pit of despair. Those of us who are not suffering feel the need to rationalize and to understand why. There is apparently no "why" much of the time. I've learned this, but I cannot comprehend it.
It's the amazing thing about suicide. It's an end for the person committing the deed but just the beginning for everyone they leave behind.
Sorry to hear in buddy, man-hug from me as well.
mndsm wrote: See thats the thing that gets me. Ive made it plain and berkeleying clear i dont care what time of day, where you are, where i am, sober, drunk, in jail, i dont care. If youre at that edge, you berkeleying call me. Everyone knows this. Ive been at work at talked people down. Its been 2am and ive saddled up and gone to get people. This guy knew this. Everyone knows this. Three days ago we were talking about downhill drift trike racing. Cant really do that here, cause flat. Colorado.....now all i can do is sit and look at a berkeleying box and a handful of Facebook memories and wonder what i did. Why. I mean, i know. No matter what, sometimes E36 M3 is just too real. But why not even be like "bro, got a sec?" berkeleying waste. Bottom line, ill say it. As much as youve said for me, ill say for you. Find me. Dont do this bullE36 M3. I dont care if you hate me. I wont judge. I guarantee ive been down your path.
I'm no expert on this- and never had to deal with it (thankfully).
But I do hope you don't feel any blame for not being able to do something. It's not your fault. You did nothing wrong.
Could be fear that they didn't reach out, could be that they thought they were helping by doing this- either way- you can't blame yourself for other people not reaching out and asking for help. That seems like a hole that has no good way out.
I can not really add anything to what has already been said. I am sorry for you and your families loss.
That really just sucks. Stuff like this makes me think more and more that this world must be broken somehow and there's just a lot that doesn't make sense.
Not sure how much love and sympathy from a stranger on the internet is worth, but you have that from me.
I have nothing more to add. Margie said it well. Just know there's a lot of support for you on here from too many with a similar story.
alfadriver wrote:mndsm wrote: See thats the thing that gets me. Ive made it plain and berkeleying clear i dont care what time of day, where you are, where i am, sober, drunk, in jail, i dont care. If youre at that edge, you berkeleying call me. Everyone knows this. Ive been at work at talked people down. Its been 2am and ive saddled up and gone to get people. This guy knew this. Everyone knows this. Three days ago we were talking about downhill drift trike racing. Cant really do that here, cause flat. Colorado.....now all i can do is sit and look at a berkeleying box and a handful of Facebook memories and wonder what i did. Why. I mean, i know. No matter what, sometimes E36 M3 is just too real. But why not even be like "bro, got a sec?" berkeleying waste. Bottom line, ill say it. As much as youve said for me, ill say for you. Find me. Dont do this bullE36 M3. I dont care if you hate me. I wont judge. I guarantee ive been down your path.I'm no expert on this- and never had to deal with it (thankfully). But I do hope you don't feel any blame for not being able to do something. It's not your fault. You did nothing wrong. Could be fear that they didn't reach out, could be that they thought they were helping by doing this- either way- you can't blame yourself for other people not reaching out and asking for help. That seems like a hole that has no good way out.
Theres no blame. I dont feel guilt over the situation, only frustration, sadness. I know from experience when you reach certain points in your life, berkeley-all matters other than what youre doing. Be it good or bad, youre going to do it. I get it. Ive stared down some pretty dark berkeleying streets. Conversely I've also taken some pretty awesome leaps. It does go both ways.
The part i learned to recognize, and the part that frustrates me, is the lack of asking, as it were. Asking advice. Asking to talk. Asking to have a beer. berkeley, its colorado, asking to go smoke a blunt. I mean, y'all have seen my E36 M3 for better or for worse. I dont paint fantasies. But I'm dead nuts honest and ive come to realize that sometimes a guy (or girl) just needs an ear. It doesnt even have to make any sense. Thats what gets me. Frustrates the E36 M3 out of me. Makes me want to resurrect his ass jesus style just so i can pound some sense into him. Ive been married. You knew i just split up with my wife. Its not like i havent just done marital problems. Instead of eating a hollowpoint, why not be like "bro, E36 M3s berkeleyed up". I mean i know there are mitigating circumstances. Having both suffered from and been a mental health professional, this E36 M3 isnt generally isolated. I don't know. I mean, i freely admit to ky problems in the hopes that someone will dodge the bullet that almost got me. I guess all i can do is keep moving forward.
In reply to mndsm:
Ok, I'm relieved to hear that.
But you also have a very good question that needs answered, in general. Not sure who to ask, or is there a study that needs done, or what. It sure seems as if a lot of people wonder the same thing.
Suicide has never made sense, never will.
Let me just give you a link to an old thread here that you may want to peruse.
https://grassrootsmotorsports.com/forum/off-topic-discussion/suicide/86997/page1/
I too am sorry for your loss.
Oh man....
I am very sorry for your loss. This stuff is never easy.
May the thought that they are no longer in pain bring you peace in the confusion of their decision.
mndsm wrote:alfadriver wrote:Theres no blame. I dont feel guilt over the situation, only frustration, sadness. I know from experience when you reach certain points in your life, berkeley-all matters other than what youre doing. Be it good or bad, youre going to do it. I get it. Ive stared down some pretty dark berkeleying streets. Conversely I've also taken some pretty awesome leaps. It does go both ways. The part i learned to recognize, and the part that frustrates me, is the lack of asking, as it were. Asking advice. Asking to talk. Asking to have a beer. berkeley, its colorado, asking to go smoke a blunt. I mean, y'all have seen my E36 M3 for better or for worse. I dont paint fantasies. But I'm dead nuts honest and ive come to realize that sometimes a guy (or girl) just needs an ear. It doesnt even have to make any sense. Thats what gets me. Frustrates the E36 M3 out of me. Makes me want to resurrect his ass jesus style just so i can pound some sense into him. Ive been married. You knew i just split up with my wife. Its not like i havent just done marital problems. Instead of eating a hollowpoint, why not be like "bro, E36 M3s berkeleyed up". I mean i know there are mitigating circumstances. Having both suffered from and been a mental health professional, this E36 M3 isnt generally isolated. I don't know. I mean, i freely admit to ky problems in the hopes that someone will dodge the bullet that almost got me. I guess all i can do is keep moving forward.mndsm wrote: See thats the thing that gets me. Ive made it plain and berkeleying clear i dont care what time of day, where you are, where i am, sober, drunk, in jail, i dont care. If youre at that edge, you berkeleying call me. Everyone knows this. Ive been at work at talked people down. Its been 2am and ive saddled up and gone to get people. This guy knew this. Everyone knows this. Three days ago we were talking about downhill drift trike racing. Cant really do that here, cause flat. Colorado.....now all i can do is sit and look at a berkeleying box and a handful of Facebook memories and wonder what i did. Why. I mean, i know. No matter what, sometimes E36 M3 is just too real. But why not even be like "bro, got a sec?" berkeleying waste. Bottom line, ill say it. As much as youve said for me, ill say for you. Find me. Dont do this bullE36 M3. I dont care if you hate me. I wont judge. I guarantee ive been down your path.I'm no expert on this- and never had to deal with it (thankfully). But I do hope you don't feel any blame for not being able to do something. It's not your fault. You did nothing wrong. Could be fear that they didn't reach out, could be that they thought they were helping by doing this- either way- you can't blame yourself for other people not reaching out and asking for help. That seems like a hole that has no good way out.
I know where you are coming from, dealing with a spouse who suffers from depression (bipolar), and I've had bouts in the past.
For me, I don't know if this matters or helps, is my inability to ask for help. It's paralyzing for me. And it spills over into projects I do at home and at work, not to mention parenting. For some reason I think I should be able to do it all myself- be a husband, a father, a competent trades person, and maintain a home for my family. I guess what you said about him simply needing to ask you for help was all he had to do. Maybe he couldn't, I don't know.
Sorry for your loss.
I sincerely hope your (and others) efforts to open the discussion about this reduces the frequency of attempts. It's a sad situation that many of us don't properly understand (and I include myself in this group, so not pointing the finger at others, because I personally don't understand the logic).
paranoid_android74 wrote:mndsm wrote:I know where you are coming from, dealing with a spouse who suffers from depression (bipolar), and I've had bouts in the past. For me, I don't know if this matters or helps, is my inability to ask for help. It's paralyzing for me. And it spills over into projects I do at home and at work, not to mention parenting. For some reason I think I should be able to do it all myself- be a husband, a father, a competent trades person, and maintain a home for my family. I guess what you said about him simply needing to ask you for help was all he had to do. Maybe he couldn't, I don't know.alfadriver wrote:Theres no blame. I dont feel guilt over the situation, only frustration, sadness. I know from experience when you reach certain points in your life, berkeley-all matters other than what youre doing. Be it good or bad, youre going to do it. I get it. Ive stared down some pretty dark berkeleying streets. Conversely I've also taken some pretty awesome leaps. It does go both ways. The part i learned to recognize, and the part that frustrates me, is the lack of asking, as it were. Asking advice. Asking to talk. Asking to have a beer. berkeley, its colorado, asking to go smoke a blunt. I mean, y'all have seen my E36 M3 for better or for worse. I dont paint fantasies. But I'm dead nuts honest and ive come to realize that sometimes a guy (or girl) just needs an ear. It doesnt even have to make any sense. Thats what gets me. Frustrates the E36 M3 out of me. Makes me want to resurrect his ass jesus style just so i can pound some sense into him. Ive been married. You knew i just split up with my wife. Its not like i havent just done marital problems. Instead of eating a hollowpoint, why not be like "bro, E36 M3s berkeleyed up". I mean i know there are mitigating circumstances. Having both suffered from and been a mental health professional, this E36 M3 isnt generally isolated. I don't know. I mean, i freely admit to ky problems in the hopes that someone will dodge the bullet that almost got me. I guess all i can do is keep moving forward.mndsm wrote: See thats the thing that gets me. Ive made it plain and berkeleying clear i dont care what time of day, where you are, where i am, sober, drunk, in jail, i dont care. If youre at that edge, you berkeleying call me. Everyone knows this. Ive been at work at talked people down. Its been 2am and ive saddled up and gone to get people. This guy knew this. Everyone knows this. Three days ago we were talking about downhill drift trike racing. Cant really do that here, cause flat. Colorado.....now all i can do is sit and look at a berkeleying box and a handful of Facebook memories and wonder what i did. Why. I mean, i know. No matter what, sometimes E36 M3 is just too real. But why not even be like "bro, got a sec?" berkeleying waste. Bottom line, ill say it. As much as youve said for me, ill say for you. Find me. Dont do this bullE36 M3. I dont care if you hate me. I wont judge. I guarantee ive been down your path.I'm no expert on this- and never had to deal with it (thankfully). But I do hope you don't feel any blame for not being able to do something. It's not your fault. You did nothing wrong. Could be fear that they didn't reach out, could be that they thought they were helping by doing this- either way- you can't blame yourself for other people not reaching out and asking for help. That seems like a hole that has no good way out.
And....i get that part. Been there. You think you need to be berkeleying superman. I am that guy. No feat to great, no obstacle to formidable. But...even to be like...sup? Come on. You dont have to tell me E36 M3s wrong even. Im a goddamn genius when it comes to that, i will figure it out if you talk to me. Hell, kid got married at like...19. E36 M3 was bound to go sideways. I get all of it. But i been begging his stupid ass for i dont know how long to come hang out. Be chill. Come play in my garage. I got all the good toys and a E36 M3 load of booze. I know how much just...time can work it all out. Ive been there. But..... too berkeleying late now. So im gonna continue to irish funeral this E36 M3 til it makes sense.
Very sorry to read this. Had a pretty close friend make a similar decision...the gamut of emotions you might feel when this happens can be a bit overwhelming. If you need us, we are here.
mndsm wrote: So im gonna continue to irish funeral this E36 M3 til it makes sense.
Welcome to alcoholism then! For it never will make sense.
Don't expect it to ever make sense Tom, because it won't. Sorry for your family's loss. Hang in there.
foxtrapper wrote:mndsm wrote: So im gonna continue to irish funeral this E36 M3 til it makes sense.Welcome to alcoholism then! For it never will make sense.
Yeah, i know. Ill run out of jameson eventually. I'm fastidiously careful about my drinking due to family history and all that anyhow, so....I'll be ok.
Sorry to hear about this. We have to remember that the people we run across on a daily basis, we never know what it going on inside of them. Our family came close a few times with my brother in law. He was a homeless alcoholic for a while (and while I will not go into it here, I learned a lot about that type of behavior), he commented that he felt so hopeless at times that he thought it was his only way out. Now he is a counselor for others in that situation.
It's difficult to us "normal" people to understand this sometimes, especially since most of us are busy living our lives, but remember a few kind and thoughtful words can a long with way with people in need.
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