just one company who shall remain nameless. 200 positions available. from an insider, in Nov they had a job fair and 2800 people showed up. today they're expecting 4000 people for those 200 jobs.
to be ready for anything, i went to kinkos last night and spent almost $100 getting 25 copies each of:
- resume
- cover letter
- references
- six-page color copy of my June 2008 GRM brake systems article
so i walk in with 225 pages of "here's why you berkeleyers should hire me". it starts at 9am, i get there at 8am and i'm 250th in line. when we get to the sign-in table we get a clipboard, a pen, and a yellow form. they staple the yellow form to the top of the resume and direct us into a bullpen where we are instructed to read all the job descriptions posted on the walls, select our top two choices, and write the position title and req number on the yellow form, and also to fill in our "special skills and experience" related to those two choices. to complete these tasks, we are allowed ten minutes. no, that's not an exaggeration. i clocked it.
being smarter than the average bear, i write down four titles and req numbers in my notebook, then choose "staff specialty engineer, test and integration" as #1 (four openings) and "mechanical engineer" #2 (about 50 openings). leaving bullpen i am told to follow the line to the left. first person reviews my resume, sees that i once worked at [name deleted because i'm paranoid] and asks if i know Joe Schmoe.
[lie] I remember the name, but I never worked directly with him. Did you know (insert name I made up)? He sat down the hall from Joe for a while. How's Joe doing? [/lie]
so he gave my form a red bingo dot and sent me into the line for the next bullpen. the lady at the entrance to the next bullpen told me that since my two choices were in two different disciplines, i might not have time to interview with both but i should try. no sweat, that's what i'm here for.
so i wait for the T&I screeners to finish with their detainees. one of the detainees is a kid who was my co-op back in about 2003, so i got to chat with him for a minute while the guys marked up his yellow form.
finally it was my turn, and i berkeleying blew them away with my ability to describe what was on the resume they were holding. instrumentation? yes. data reduction? yes. etc etc. can you travel 2 weeks per month? dude, i'm berkeleying unemployed right now. yeah, i can travel. so he asks if he can have the cover letter and the reference sheet. here you go. would you also like to read this technical article i wrote for Grassroots Motorsports magazine? wow, you're a published author? yes i am. this led into a 5-minute discussion of GRM, the Challenge, and my willingness to get my hands dirty. so he scribbles some notes on my yellow form and puts my yellow form and my resume into a folder.
so i go to the table designated for position #2, where the screeners are talking to each other since nobody's being screened. i walk up and read the sign aloud, and ask if they're ready to talk to me. the response is:
"Where's your yellow form?"
This berkeleyer wouldn't let me sit down and discuss my qualifications because the previous guy had taken my form. So much for being screened for two positions. So i catch up with the guy i carpooled with (good friend and partner in 2002 - 2004 challenge efforts) and we BS for a minute waiting for another former TRW guy to finish talking to a screener at the "Systems Engineering" table. Again, they've got nobody else to screen, so I walk up and ask if they can talk to me without my yellow form. No, not really. I say "well, there's not exactly a line waiting to talk to you, how about I help you pass some time by walking you through my qualifications?" So he says yes and we talk for several minutes. he writes notes on my resume, and i give him a copy of my GRM article. we talk for a few more minutes, shake hands, and i walk away. as i'm walking out, i look back and he and the other screener at his table are looking at the article.
on the way out, they want to give me a bag with company logo, but i refuse, and ask if i can scam one of the sweet reading flashlights they had in the other rooom. lady says sure, so i go back there and there's a pretty hot older-than-me MILF working the flashlight table. being the silver-tongued devil that i am, i strike up a conversation about the event in general, her role with the company, etc. she's a program manager. really, that's what i've been doing for the last five years. the new mustang? yeah, that slip control system is mine. hey, can you take my resume?
not without a yellow form.
you mean you're not allowed to, or you're physically unable? because i can go in the other room and get you a sweet bag with the company logo on it.
we laugh, and again i offer her a resume. again, she refuses.
WTF? they've rented the entire first floor of this hotel, they've got about 150 people working the event, i spent $98 at kinkos last night and now i've got 22 cover letters and with their company name on them that i can't get anyone to take. do you want to hire a mack daddy engineer who can actually communicate, manage cross-functional teams, create and execute workplans to deliver mature products on time, and do all these things under budget?
not without a yellow form.
it's open until 8pm tonight. i might go back and go through again, and this time i'll bring my own stapler and i'll snatch up on four of their precious yellow forms. think i'm scared? you know i ain't.
