The only thing I can offer is Harold:
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, 'Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!' After a few seconds, Little Harold stood up. The teacher said, 'Do you think you're stupid, Harold?' 'No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!'
Harold watched, fascinated, as his mother smooth cold cream on her face. 'Why do you do that, mommy?' he asked 'To make myself beautiful,' said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. 'What's the matter, asked Harold 'Giving up?
The math teacher saw that Harold wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, 'Harold! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?' Harold quickly replied, 'NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!'
Harold's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. 'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him. Harold asked, “Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture ? "
Little Harold attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Harold asked, 'Dad, why are you doing that?' His father replied, 'Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy.
Harold, looking worried, said, 'Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom ....'
i choose tomorrow
Three men walk into a bar. The fourth one ducks.
Crxpilot said:
From the master Southern Storyteller his own self, Jerry Clower.
All of y’all know that my dearest and closest friend growin’ up was Marcell Ledbetter. I checked on him the other day. Marcell’s still hauling pulpwood and he’s got a young boy named Tater, Tater Ledbetter, that helps him. Tater loves to go to the wood yard because the man that’s the manager of the wood yard owns one of them moped motorcycles.
Now while they’re unloading pulpwood old Tater rides the moped. Now he’s forbidden to take it outside the wood yard. But this particular day Tater saw an opening in the fence and he give it the good guff and went right on the hard road and pulled up to the red light and stopped.
‘Bout that time a brand-new Mercedes-Benz pulled out of a brand-new showroom, whupped around in the street. One of them $70,000 ones and pulled up there and stopped at the red light. And the driver looked and there’s Tater on the moped right there. Tater leaned over and put his nose on the glass, trying to look in there. The driver of the Mercedes spooled the window down and Tater stuck his head over in there. He said, “Whoo! Smell them leather seats! Look at that dashboard! Looks like the console of a brand-new cotton gin. Look-a here, looka here! Oh Sir, this is the most beautiful car I’ve ever seen in my life.”
Fella says, “Thank you, young man. Thank you very much.”
Tater says, “How fast will it go?”
He says, “A hundred and twenty.”
“A Hundred and Twenty!? Whoo!”
About that time the light changed. Tater swung back on the moped and the man took off and really showed Tater how he could do it. Just left tire tracks in the middle of the road.
The man’s going along, doing about 90, and he looks and sees a speck in his rear view mirror. And the speck’s getting closer and closer. And about that time, the speck says, “wroooom!” and he passed over here on the left hand side. Man driving the Mercedes said, “Good gracious. That looked like that little old boy on that moped. Ain’t no way that could happen.”
About that time he saw him coming back. Beeeeyooooomm. He said, “It was. Have mercy! Whoo! He done passed me twice!”
Looked in the rear view mirror and here he comes again, right at the back of that Mercedes. And he WHAM! runs into the back bumper. Man slams on brakes, jumps out. Tater had done bent the cootershell on the back of that car. And there he was laying down in the middle of that moped, parts throwed everywhere.
The man saw he was breathing and said, “Aww, son. AWW, son I hope you alright. Is there anything in the world that I can do for you, son?”
Tater said, “Yes sir. You can un-HOOK my suspenders from your side view mirror!”
This was my favorite joke from middle school until my early 20's. At that point, it was replaced by loudly yelling "What did he say?" every time a hearing aid commercial comes on TV.
Meatballs and disc wheels for the win. (That's all I got.)
jgrewe, message inbound.
The chosen one has responded.
This will double my tiny car collection!
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