I'm pissed. It's just an allegation

In reply to SVreX:

I hope your friend is innocent, but no mater what reality is, he needs to lawer up ASAP. Consider it a case of "A stitch in time saves nine".

Its a shame that law enforcement rarely get to feel the pain when they make a bad call. A customer of mine just got swept up in big time legal Doo Doo because of something one of his adult kids did. It could have gone much better for everyone involved if the LEOs handled things differently. He's lucky to be alive, yeh, it went that badly.

I feel for your friend. As a former middle school teacher, I get it. When people complain about anything, the response of any administration is to cover its ass. You walk on egg shells and you do not have support. I do not miss those stresses.

Really sorry this came down on your friend after so many years and with so much for him to support.

Definitely tell him to lawyer up. Maybe he can find someone sympathetic to a lifetime educator to take his case pro bono.

Btdt. While the allegations leveled against me were not sexual but rather racial, I'm in an at will state as well. I wasn't going to lose my job, as they knew damn well they couldn't afford to lose me, but at the same time corporate saw the need to make an example out of whitey, so under the bus I went. Chances are extremely good I could have fought it, but it would have been nasty and in the very end I would have been right back where I started, with an dead end ass job getting yelled at all day for 40k a year. So I walked. I feel terrible for your friend, but the simple fact of the matter is, any big name, especially one with an image.to protect like the YMCA, is going to cut their losses the minute the wind smells foul. Unfortunately since it sounds like your dude is in no way a minority, he's sorta berkeleyed. He could have attempted racial or sexual identity discrimination if that was the case, but I'm guessing he's whitey. If he's not, its time to play dirty and pull the race card. If its one thing no one wants right now in the wake of the mess in Ferguson, its a racial case. And if the detective in this one can be perceived at all as swinging for the fences on a minority, all hell will break loose. Now this is not something I advocate in the least because its manipulation like this that's screwed the judicial system in general and makes anyone gun shy of cases like mine, where the majority is on the receiving end of the discrimination, but damned if it won't work.

Keith Tanner wrote: Scariest movie I've ever seen was Disclosure - for pretty much this exact reason.

It reminded me of The Hunt.

Yeah, Disclosure was definitely disturbing.

I know a lot of people don't believe it, but in a lot of ways it's harder to be a grown man in this country than it is to be a woman or a kid. All it takes is one allegation of impropriety and a man is sunk.

Done.

Toast.

I once had a woman call my boss and say I acted improperly toward her just to get out of paying her bill. True story. I was lucky to keep my job and I can promise y'all hell no nothing happened. The only reason I didn't get canned was because I'd been there 4 years and the boss believed me because he knew what a straight arrow I am; I was once accused of being 'too honest', whatever that is.

Curmudgeon wrote: I was once accused of being 'too honest', whatever that is.

Not lying when asked questions like "Does this dress make me look fat?" or "Do you think she's hotter than me?"

Curmudgeon wrote: Yeah, Disclosure was definitely disturbing. I know a lot of people don't believe it, but in a lot of ways it's harder to be a grown man in this country than it is to be a woman or a kid. All it takes is one allegation of impropriety and a man is sunk. Done. Toast. I once had a woman call my boss and say I acted improperly toward her just to get out of paying her bill. True story. I was lucky to keep my job and I can promise y'all hell no nothing happened. The only reason I didn't get canned was because I'd been there 4 years and the boss believed me because he knew what a straight arrow I am; I was once accused of being 'too honest', whatever that is.

Hence my problem. I shut down an angry black woman who didn't want to do her job and thought she was entitled to whitey doing it for her. Me being sthe stubborn shiny happy person I am though foolishly that she had to earn her reparations by not being a mean face and told her to cram it. She pulled the race card, I got hit by a bus. 7 years of a flawless reputation I'm an impossible industry done by one lazy person with an Axe to grind and no ethics.

Beer Baron wrote:

Curmudgeon wrote: I was once accused of being 'too honest', whatever that is.

Not lying when asked questions like "Does this dress make me look fat?" or "Do you think she's hotter than me?"

Even I am not THAT stupid.

Actually, I have a bad habit of, if asked a direct question, of being bluntly honest. I had a tech jump all in my crap one day when I told a customer that another tech had made a mistake, saying that they should never be seen as fallible. Yeah. Right. Guess what; that's what starts lawsuits and such. Honesty is the best policy; admit the mistake, fix it and move on. That's how I got the 'too honest' reputation around there.

In reply to Curmudgeon:

I have a similar problem.

It was overloading my wife. It came across like dumping on her. A counselor suggested to me that honesty is important, but I may need to be less open.

In other words, speak truthfully, but don't feel the need to share every detail about everything.

I've been applying it for the last couple of years, and have had very positive results with both my wife and others I connect with.

In reply to mndsm:

It's an automatic shutdown when a woman accuses a man of impropriety, it's even worse when cross racial. The guy has zero chance; he's done. He better have his ducks in a row.

It's not just the work world, it happens out there in all kinds of interactions. I am not saying all women do this; not by any means. The thing is, it's difficult to know ahead of time who will and who won't, meaning a guy who wants to not screw up the rest of his life better be REAL careful what he does.

I'm also not saying every guy out there is innocent; there's plenty of shi+heads out there and I've known more than a couple.

It's just too easy to get caught up in a moment and have the rest of your life explode like an M80. My oldest brother is a real estate agent, there was an incident in one office in their chain a while back where a female agent met a client to show a property, she accused him of groping and fondling etc. He said she said, no witnesses etc. She later recanted, but the client went through hell while the investigation was going on. Guilty until proven innocent.

My brother couldn't really talk about it, the gist was that she was fired but that was about it. The client was looking at a huge mess if he tried to pursue it through legal channels, he appears to have just let the thing drop.

Lawyer up. Call the local newspaper and submit to a public lie detector test. Slander is a civil suit.

Curmudgeon wrote: In reply to mndsm: It's an automatic shutdown when a woman accuses a man of impropriety, it's even worse when cross racial. The guy has zero chance; he's done. He better have his ducks in a row. It's not just the work world, it happens out there in all kinds of interactions. I am not saying all women do this; not by any means. The thing is, it's difficult to know ahead of time who will and who won't, meaning a guy who wants to not screw up the rest of his life better be REAL careful what he does. I'm also not saying every guy out there is innocent; there's plenty of shi+heads out there and I've known more than a couple. It's just too easy to get caught up in a moment and have the rest of your life explode like an M80. My oldest brother is a real estate agent, there was an incident in one office in their chain a while back where a female agent met a client to show a property, she accused him of groping and fondling etc. He said she said, no witnesses etc. She later recanted, but the client went through hell while the investigation was going on. Guilty until proven innocent. My brother couldn't really talk about it, the gist was that she was fired but that was about it. The client was looking at a huge mess if he tried to pursue it through legal channels, he appears to have just let the thing drop.

Yeah, there's certainly dicks on both sides of the fence.... I'm just relating what happened in my case. Working in mental health you're already on one helluva thin.bridge as is. I just decided one day I'd had enough of being badgered and got out the ol berkeley off gun, and unfortunately someone with no scruples fired back.

Curmudgeon wrote: In reply to mndsm: It's an automatic shutdown when a woman accuses a man of impropriety, it's even worse when cross racial. The guy has zero chance; he's done. He better have his ducks in a row. It's not just the work world, it happens out there in all kinds of interactions. I am not saying all women do this; not by any means. The thing is, it's difficult to know ahead of time who will and who won't, meaning a guy who wants to not screw up the rest of his life better be REAL careful what he does. I'm also not saying every guy out there is innocent; there's plenty of shi+heads out there and I've known more than a couple. It's just too easy to get caught up in a moment and have the rest of your life explode like an M80. My oldest brother is a real estate agent, there was an incident in one office in their chain a while back where a female agent met a client to show a property, she accused him of groping and fondling etc. He said she said, no witnesses etc. She later recanted, but the client went through hell while the investigation was going on. Guilty until proven innocent. My brother couldn't really talk about it, the gist was that she was fired but that was about it. The client was looking at a huge mess if he tried to pursue it through legal channels, he appears to have just let the thing drop.

seems that as soon as she admitted to lying .. a civil suit would be a slam dunk … because every time she tries to tie it back to him, the admission would be thrown back in her face .. and unless she could somehow claim to have been coerced into the recanting … she wouldn't have a leg to stand on

Unfortunately that's not how it works. Recanting doesn't really prove anything. It could certainly be pursued, but at what cost? No witnesses, etc. so how would either side prove anything to the satisfaction of the courts? In case some here have not read or seen 'Disclosure', the deus ex machina that ultimately saves the guy's ass is a voice mail accidentally left on someone's phone. Without something like that, it would be back to he said/she said.

That's the hell of it; once accused a guy is screwed no matter what he does. I don't know if the guy has a sex assault arrest record now or what; it's quite possible he does although it would show dropped charges. That would still be a helluva thing to have to explain every time he applied for a job, etc.

By the way guys and gals, I certainly understand that there are men out there who get busted and deserve everything they get because they are predatory azzholes. I've had that discussion with my daughter, hopefully she will exercise caution but if something does happen she needs to tell me or the police NOW. Like NOW NOW.

Women have their own rash of E36 M3 to deal with in society. Minorities have their own rash of E36 M3 to deal with in society. LGBT folks have their own rash of E36 M3 to deal with in society. Men also have their own rash of E36 M3 to deal with in society. It does no good to argue whose rash of E36 M3 is biggest.

The best thing we can do is recognize each group's rash of E36 M3 for what it is, and do the best to lessen it all for everyone.

I firmly believe in the book being thrown at people if proven guilty, at the same time, I wish they would prosecute the berkeley out of people who are deemed to have falsely reported something. I think 100% of the jail time the accused would have faced would be acceptable.

In a somewhat more dangerous "accused" thing, there are gun control activists calling in firearms owners for robbing businesses. Our system is really broken right now.

yamaha wrote: I wish they would prosecute the berkeley out of people who are deemed to have falsely reported something. I think 100% of the jail time the accused would have faced would be acceptable.

This. It would dramatically reduce the number of false accusations. If you're falsely accusing someone of something, knowing it will ruin their life, you are just as much a criminal as the next guy behind bars.

I have friend who had an ugly divorce and had a big alimony, lost custody, etc. but that wasn't enough for the ex. She sent accusatory email to his employer suggesting he was stealing from them. He was fired. He was unable to pay alimony and getting deadbeat threats involving jail time.

He was able to prove the "anonymous" letter came from her because of a gloating email and managed to turn the tables. He got a restraining order, had the alimony dropped completely because she had cost him his income. Her credibility issue with the judge got him visitation again. He was lucky to be pretty employable... so found work pretty easily.

If she hadn't decided to rub it in... he would have been berkeleyed. Unbelievable saga. I can't imagine what the legal costs were but I'm sure at some point the "OJ Solution" starts to look pretty good thru whiskey logic.