Political Correctness NAZIs * * I am only a messenger, this is Off-Topic
The International Council of Man Laws:
1.) Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2.) It's OK for a man to cry, but ONLY under the following circumstances:
a. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
b. When a heroic dog dies to save its master's life.
c. After wrecking your Boss's car.
d. When she's using her teeth.
3.) Any Man who brings a camera to a Bachelor Party may be killed or eaten by his buddies.
4.) Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5.) If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits unless you actually marry her.
6.) Moaning about the brand of beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However, feel free to complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
7.) No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.
8.) On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
9.) When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
10.) You may fart in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of "flatulent entertainment" (commonly called a Dutch Oven), she's officially your girlfriend.
11.) It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach ... delivered by a topless model.... and it's free.
12.) Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
13.) Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
14.) Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
15.) If a man's fly is down, that's his problem; you didn't see anything.
16.) Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowlege of the game and the ability to drink as much as other sports watchers.
17.) A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
18.) Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both; that's just plain greedy.
19.) If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you better be talking about his beer of choice.
20.) Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
21.) Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
a. Yeah baby, push it!
b. C'mon, give me one more, harder.
c. Another set and we can hit the showers.
22.) Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing, i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
23.) Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up in necessary.
24.) The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.
25.) It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
26.) Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.
27.) The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with: "If you loved me, you'd know what I want" - - gets a PlayStation 3. End of story.
28.) There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.
29.) We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference?
GUTS: Arriving home after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom and having the guts to say "Are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"
BALLS: Arriving home after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slappoing your wife square on the butt and having the nads to say "You're next fatty".
