Lacking Passion for a Hobby

I'm lacking passion for what has been one of my favorite hobbies, and I'm not sure what to do about it.

I've been very much into social dancing for a long time. I organize dances every-other week. I used to have tons of passion for dancing. Over that past several months, it has just not been especially pleasurable. It doesn't bring me joy like it used to. Dancing and organizing feels like a job. It's like working a tap takeover or beer fest: I don't look forward to it; it's relatively pleasant work, but I'd be doing something else if I had a choice; I can kinda sorta enjoy myself, but mostly I'm just putting on a happy face to play host. And it's not like I make any money off of it.

I'm trying to figure out what to do. I know my passion will return, but I want to be able to just take a break from worrying about it for a month or two and be able to come back to it fresh. I want to do it because I want to not because I feel like I have to.

The trouble is, I organize these events, and I don't really have anyone I can hand off the responsibility for that to. And enough people do enjoy them. I worry I'd be letting down friends, and that I'd interrupt momentum that would take more effort to rebuild than to just keep chugging along on inertia.

What do you do when a hobby just becomes a joyless chore?

(And I'm also worried about this from a mental health perspective. I don't know that I really feel depressed, but I've just been... exhausted... Putting the dog down didn't help, but dancing had become joyless for me well before that was looming. Telling the baroness I feel joyless about dance got a really shocked and concerned look from her, because dance has been a big deal for me.)

In reply to Beer Baron:

Watching this thread, I have the exact same issue with cycling. It's been a big part of my freetime for about 20 yrs. I totally hear you about the "want" to participate to be natural and not forced. It's no fun if you gotta force it.

We all need breaks from our hobbies, just like we need breaks from jobs, children, spouses, etc. It doesn't mean you don't love it anymore.

it just means you need a break.

I'm sure someone in the group would love to take over the organizing for a while. Maybe even make it 'club-like' with a few responsibilities (president, VP, treasurer, etc) and fixed terms.

Take your first paragraph and replace the word "dance" with the word "life" and you'll see where I'm at.

Having to organize and run events can suck a lot of the fun out of them. I used to play in a community concert band, and was also the president. I just got worn out from having to run everything, and ultimately had to quit for my own mental health. The good thing is the band is still going strong - someone else did pick up the reins after I left.

Happens to me a few times a year. Ive learned to rotate between hobbys too stay fresh. Ohio winters also force the end of one!

Beer Baron wrote: What do you do when a hobby just becomes a joyless chore?

I sold both race cars, truck and trailer are for sale... bought another motor bike.

I got to a point where prepping a race car well enough to win became a stressful expensive aggravation. I had already got beyond the point where I could take much enjoyment from driving without the competitive w2w angle. I don't really know what happened. I used to be THE GUY who would wrench for 36hrs straight and drive all night to race in the freezing cold or rain all weekend. For ... like... 16 years straight. This weekend I had a seat at the Glen and after a quick conversation about what needed to be done to the car - I just decided it wasn't worth it and could not muster my A game. So, I'm not going. Who turns down a chance to wheel for free in a 16hr endurance race as an arrive and drive?

I think I'm going to saddle up and take a 2 day ride/camp trip and spend some alone time in my helmet.

I'm not sure how to help - except - do something else and wait to see if it comes back to you.

Have you expressed this to the other dancers? Maybe someone else it chomping at the bit to take over the leadership/organizer role for good, or at least for a few months/year. Maybe once that pressure is off, you can return to JUST dancing. If you still feel blah after ONLY dancing for 6 months then look for a different hobby. People do change, but I suspect that this one is just the drag from all the work of leading the group.

I like to have a couple back burner hobbies. I make tube amps and do woodworking in between my family needs, house rehab/maintenance, and work. My automotive A.D.D. is in remission by necessity because we are saving for farmette and will be paying for two kids in daycare soon enough.

Exhausted can be a precursor to some kinds of depression - a friend of mine occasionally points out that depression can be having worked too hard for too long.

That said, very few if any of us can invest lots and lots of time into a hobby without taking a break. Being focused on certain things is one thing, having them take up some much time that you don't have time for much else including yourself and no breathing space doesn't make for a good combination.

Beer Baron wrote: What do you do when a hobby just becomes a joyless chore?

Change hobbies.

Yes, it's possible you've got depression and that's part of it. By all means, seek medical help at least for an evaluation. Especially since your spouse was so shocked.

But, life and passions change. What was enthralling can become less so. To the point of becoming unpleasant. I love spinning wrenches, as a hobby these days. I don't want to do it full time.

By all means, take a break from the organizing. A few months, perhaps a year or two, perhaps for forever. Relearn the joy of simply dancing. With no other obligations and strings.

No one can replace you right now because there is no need. This is a common problem in groups with a super dynamic leader. In which case you, the dynamic leader, need to tell them you're stepping back, with a dead line, and then do it. Someone will step in. Yes, they will founder and flail around a bit, and might even collapse. Though usually the group/event recovers and goes on. Differently, but still going on. Without you.

You would also need to disappear from them for this to happen. Which is why churches relocate pastors when they retire and such.

So go away and perhaps do some fun dancing with another group somewhere else.

And rediscover the joy.

Lots of good points in here, I think. I have felt the same way about cars after spending more than a year building the wagon and bikes and everything. Spending literally every night in the garage for over a year just got old, and I used to love it. I think just breaking it up with something else can be helpful. For me, even just spending some time doing mindless time-wasting things like playing video games has helped, like it is some kind of rejuvenation to just relax. Now I bounce between cars, motorcycles, and bicycles, and there is enough variety in what I do with vehicles and maintaining them to keep me interested. Just don't end up with too many hobbies, because it can be just as bad.

I am shifting hobbies. Skating has become big for me. I'm nursing a sprained ankle now, but itching to be able to get back out to parks again. Heck, I want to buy a house, primarily for the freedom to be able to put up a miniramp and just play whenever the mood strikes me. I'm also going to be starting some tabletop gaming again soon. Those two things will replace the physicality and the creativity/socialization that dance had been.

I think I could keep up with organizing dancing if work were not so consuming right now. I'm responsible for production and demand outstrips what I can supply by about 50% (equipment is the limitation more than labor). I want my hobbies to be an escape from the pressure of being responsible for something for a while.

Unfortunately I feel like many others here. I lost my passion for anything that used to bring me pleasure starting over 20 years ago. I have discussed this with both of the GPs, and after the second one, decided to give Zoloft a try. It helps, but I didn't like the side effects (the sweats, trembling and nausea). I am supposed to try another one, but haven't gotten to that point yet. It has most of the same listed side effects.

spitfirebill wrote: Unfortunately I feel like many others here. I lost my passion for anything that used to bring me pleasure starting over 20 years ago. I have discussed this with both of the GPs, and after the second one, decided to give Zoloft a try.

CRIPES

It's called boredom. Everyone gets it. You cant expect to do the same thing for a few decades and NOT get bored with it. We strap ourselves down with wives, kids, houses and mortgages, jobs and careers, and we keep telling ourselves that after decades of the same style of life, we should be glouriously happy every day we wake up. Sorry, it doesn't work that way.

This is why people go through a mid-life crisis, get divorced every 10 years, switch jobs at the top of their game or as soon as they retire they buy an RV and head off into the wilderness. Our society is built around maintaining place and stability, but our psyche is not. Unhappy people point the finger at the wrong things in life. They say "I need a new wife", but change nothing else. They say "I need a new car", but quickly grow bored with it. They say "I need to leave everything behind" because they've really been restless for years.

When you get bored with a hobby, it's not because your depressed and need medication, it's because you've been trying to convince yourself that it's still enjoyable. If you're working too much to have time to enjoy your hobbies, you must enjoy working enough to put in the extra hours. There is nothing wrong with changing hobbies, careers, building new friendships, moving to new towns, countries, or selling everything, grabbing the wife and living in a shack on a Caribbean island.

You prep the kids and wife and your relationships by saying "I think I'm going to make a big change in life. Not depressed or thinking of committing suicide, and I love you, so no divorce, I just want to do something different."

It's no surprise you're not enthused about the dancing any more, considering the pace and the work involved in organization. Putting on bi-monthly events is a lot of work, and it's a pace that guarantees you'll always feel the next event hanging over your head.

When I became chair of our club's autocross program, I went from driving in about 8 events per year with a variety of clubs to driving in zero in 2 years. It's hard to run an event and be in it at the same time. Last year I ran 2 events in my daily, because the Manic Miata still wasn't back in action. This is my 4th year and I am just now looking forward to running all 6 of our events in my autocross car... maybe next year I might think about going to other clubs' events.

Take a break. Tell the gang that you've got a lot going on, and ask them to take over the organization for a while. Someone (or several someones) will care enough to step up and give you a rest.

In reply to PHeller:

It's not boredom. It's being overwhelmed to the point that the fun part went away.

And, Beer- stop NOW before it becomes permanent.

I was in the same boat as Duke- getting more and more involved in our club starting with chairing autocrosses. That became being chapter president, local autocross clubs president, national board, and finally chairing a national event here in this area. I was in multiple meetings every month- and it got very, very old. Going to conventions meant a whole day dedicated to a LOOOONG meeting.

After that, I backed off what I did, but kept autocrossing and chairing them. Slowly, I stopped going to other club events, and I noticed how I was getting really upset at events I was chairing as it wasn't fun.

Then I got an "excuse" to stop for one season (to let a skin cancer removal heal).

That last event was 2011. I've not been back since then, to any car event at all.

It didn't help that I've not been contacted by anyone at any time other than one person from any of the clubs.

I like cars, I like car tech, etc. But I have totally lost the desire to play with them.

If you want to keep dancing, you should back off now. Otherwise, you won't miss it enough to go back.

Plenty of other hobbies- food gardening, travel, hockey, the local college, etc. For sure, it's was not depression or boredom. It was being overwhelmed to the point of resentment.

I've noticed that I basically have 5 year cycles with a lot of my hobbies. When I was in middle school, it was audio equipment. High school was the start of cars, and a little fishing. College was autocross and beer. Now I've not been to an autocross in a year and I'm down to 4 beers a week; I'm getting into exercise and audio equipment again. I want to travel as well.

There have been constants in this--Hockey and golf--but even they have had their ebbs and flows. Music (guitar) has been the only one that has been there in the same way, but even that has changed from going to different jams and guitar collecting to just playing music--not that I don't buy and sell when the opportunity presents itself, just that I'm not looking anymore.

I want to start sailing next. When I get bored with a hobby, it is time to move on to something else.

This is why I have a lot of different hobbies.

In addition to messing with cars, I write (about cars mostly), collect and play vintage video games, play music (drums, bass, and guitar) and collect vinyl records. When I get bored of one, or one of them becomes a burden for whatever reason, I switch gears.

Your situation reminds me of when I was in a band. We started off as a bunch of guys getting together having a good time playing. Then, we started to get good, and wanted to play shows. Then, that turned into a "can we do this and make it big?" situation, and we put in a lot of time, money and effort into making it happen. 6 years after we started, a singer change, and 3 self-recorded EP's later, it wasn't fun anymore, so we broke up. Some of us stopped playing altogether. I basically put it aside and took a break for a while, focusing on other hobbies. I did come back to it, and while I'm not in a band anymore, I love playing on my own time.

alfadriver wrote: In reply to PHeller: It's not boredom. It's being overwhelmed to the point that the fun part went away. And, Beer- stop NOW before it becomes permanent.

Sorry, Beer Baron's case is different that other situations where people are going to medical professionals because hobbies don't make them happy.

When I hobby becomes work, it's no longer a hobby, it's an unpaid job.

It's part of the reason I don't race MTB, despite riding for nearly 20 years. I don't have any desire to make my hobby into something where I get disappointed in my result. My goal is to have fun, stay healthy, and clear that rocky climb with energy to spare.

if your "fun" starts to feel like your "work", then it's time to find something else to be the "fun" thing..

PHeller wrote:

alfadriver wrote: In reply to PHeller: It's not boredom. It's being overwhelmed to the point that the fun part went away. And, Beer- stop NOW before it becomes permanent.

Sorry, Beer Baron's case is different that other situations where people are going to medical professionals because hobbies don't make them happy. When I hobby becomes work, it's no longer a hobby, it's an unpaid job. It's part of the reason I don't race MTB, despite riding for nearly 20 years. I don't have any desire to make my hobby into something where I get disappointed in my result. My goal is to have fun, stay healthy, and clear that rocky climb with energy to spare.

I don't get your point. To me, what you just posted ISN'T that you are bored with the hobby, that the effort to do it got to become work more than fun.

That's not boredom in my book. Boredom would be just not enjoying dancing or driving outright. Not that the work side of it has gotten so overwhelming that it's less fun.

I enjoyed driving a lot. The work sucked so much more than that enjoyment. How is that boredom?

Interesting thread. I have recently been experiencing a similar problem with my racing. It just isn't as fun as it used to be and I can't figure out why. Maybe my threshold is too high-- for the amount of money and time spent with it and on it, I guess I'm expecting continuous multiple orgasms.

I think it started when I got involved with serving on the Board of the local racing organization. I was trying to "give something back," but mostly I began to realize that there were a lot more self-serving shiny happy people in the club than I had previously thought. Seems also there has been a lot of turnover in participants and many of my friends are no longer involved. The only reason I haven't sold my race car and all the crap that goes with it is I am waiting to see if this is a permanent thing. I know once the stuff is gone it will be a permanent thing.

Seems the common thread is the "organizing" part of things. Making a hobby into work defeats the purpose, I guess.

alfadriver wrote:

PHeller wrote:

alfadriver wrote: In reply to PHeller: It's not boredom. It's being overwhelmed to the point that the fun part went away. And, Beer- stop NOW before it becomes permanent.

Sorry, Beer Baron's case is different that other situations where people are going to medical professionals because hobbies don't make them happy. When I hobby becomes work, it's no longer a hobby, it's an unpaid job. It's part of the reason I don't race MTB, despite riding for nearly 20 years. I don't have any desire to make my hobby into something where I get disappointed in my result. My goal is to have fun, stay healthy, and clear that rocky climb with energy to spare.

I don't get your point. To me, what you just posted ISN'T that you are bored with the hobby, that the effort to do it got to become work more than fun. That's not boredom in my book. Boredom would be just not enjoying dancing or driving outright. Not that the work side of it has gotten so overwhelming that it's less fun. I enjoyed driving a lot. The work sucked so much more than that enjoyment. How is that boredom?

You've got me mixed up with others.

Beer Baron is not bored, his hobby, and the associated organization of it has become taxing.

There are others in this thread who are bored of their hobbies after decades of pursuing them, thinking that they are depressed or something.

PHeller wrote:

spitfirebill wrote: Unfortunately I feel like many others here. I lost my passion for anything that used to bring me pleasure starting over 20 years ago. I have discussed this with both of the GPs, and after the second one, decided to give Zoloft a try.

CRIPES It's called boredom. Everyone gets it. You cant expect to do the same thing for a few decades and NOT get bored with it. We strap ourselves down with wives, kids, houses and mortgages, jobs and careers, and we keep telling ourselves that after decades of the same style of life, we should be glouriously happy every day we wake up. Sorry, it doesn't work that way.

So this has nothing to do with the OP. Ok. clear on that.