Learn me - uncontested divorce

What if you have kids? My situation is, uh, kind of "special".

"It depends" with kids. Logic and reason get thrown out the window.

Each state has its own laws and rules. Most courts have a "pro se" program that will provide the essential paperwork BUT few divorces go the way that you want. Who are her friends and have any of them recently gone thru a divorce? I would recommend that you try to get the basics resolved and then have an attorney review the paperwork so that it will go smoothly in front of the Judge and not cause issues in the future. In Tn, debt assumption and payment depends on who signed for the indebtedness. No matter what the MDA says, the third party creditor can go after the creator of the debt so be very careful about letting her pay a debt that you are a co-maker on since her non-payment may not only ding your credit rating but also cause you to pay the debt yourself. In my practice, I have found that there is always someone who has influence with her who keeps throwing hand gernades into the mixture. I do find that in the current financial environment, few want to pay to fight over stuff. And I usually tell them that fighting for principle is what pays for my toys. Luckily kids are not involved in your situation.

i keep telling an acquaintance of mine, who has been paying mortgage size alimony for almost 15 years, that if he had killed her on the spot, he would be out by now, free and clear.

think it through, try to be an adult. past hatred and resentment have no bearing here, you've decided to split, just split (if you can).

-J0N

Curmudgeon wrote: To all considering this: it's all well and good to be civil, nice, save on attorney fees etc but keep your powder dry! Have an attorney on retainer just in case the opposition's decides to go full gonzo; you'd want to keep this under your hat. The LAST thing you need is for a bomb to go off in that attorney's office and you now have to scramble to line up your own protection.

Wish I had done this. I got hosed and now she and my daughter live in TN and I get to see her twice a year instead of every odd weekend like I should.

My situation was a bit different, there was no way it was going to be uncontested. There was one incident which, when I shared this with my attorney, made her say 'Someone is coaching her'. I have a pretty strong idea who it was but can't prove it. This is why I say no matter how amicable things look on the surface be REAL sure to protect yourself.

Little story for y'all: a friend of my dad's got caught on the wrong side of the sheets, he told his wife 'all I want is my clothes and personal stuff, you can have everything we own'. They signed an agreement at the kitchen table. It turned out everything they 'owned' was actually 'leased', including a mink coat!

Divorce makes me wish we lived in a country with Sharia law. Or possible a return to settlement of differences with a duel. That way there could be closure.

Nightmare thought I had the other day: I die and arrive in the great beyond only to discover that I have to spend eternal afterlife with ex wife (worst possible translation of vows and religious teachings)....

Curmudgeon wrote: They signed an agreement at the kitchen table. It turned out everything they 'owned' was actually 'leased', including a mink coat!

Will that hold up in court of law? Signing an agreement without lawyers or witnesses present?

I know little, but I will reinforce what others have said:

My sister did a "do it yourself" kind of thing. I didn't go real bad, but they did later have to go through a lawyer to figure out some things they missed (don't know what those were).

John Cleese (of Monty Python fame) for some stupid reason got married in California. He went through a divorce, things seemed reasonable, someone introduced his wife to a "very enthusiastic" divorce attorney. Now after a life of work, he is 70, on tour trying to make money, because as he says "her kids now have more of my money then my kids" Very sad and frustrating.

I hope things go well for you, this situation has the potential to be one of the most frustrating and infuriating thing imaginable, the stories are sadly almost endless.

I missed the original post, but I'm sorry to see that this is an issue, buddy. Let me know if you need anything.

I tried it. Then when I brought up that she cleaned out our savings account and secretly put a deposit and first month on a new place from my checking acct she lawyered up.

PHeller wrote:

Curmudgeon wrote: They signed an agreement at the kitchen table. It turned out everything they 'owned' was actually 'leased', including a mink coat!

Will that hold up in court of law? Signing an agreement without lawyers or witnesses present?

Sorry- I left out the part where he was an attorney. I don't know the final disposition of everything.

DaveEstey wrote: I tried it. Then when I brought up that she cleaned out our savings account and secretly put a deposit and first month on a new place from my checking acct she lawyered up.

Excellent reason for both parties to keep separate accounts! That saved my ass for sure.

Update:

The divorce itself was relatively painless. The drama afterwards was not. Things were tough afterward with the little guy and how much she would let me see him, and now I have no contact with her whatsoever. I hate that I can't see him now, but it's not fair for him to be caught in the middle of her and I fighting all the time.

Now that tax time is here it more pain in the arse. She called a couple weeks ago to tell me that she's claiming all the child care costs and such on the basis that her name was on the checking account (despite her not having a job and putting zero $ into said account). Lawyer time again to cover my ass. I'm so ready to be done with this crap and move on.

Things I have learned during this experience:

1. Don't be generous to the other party. Protect yourself first and foremost.

2. If you think there is a hint of trouble, close the joint account (or better yet, don't have one at all).

3. A good lawyer is worth his weight in gold.

Thank you to all who replied. You guys certainly helped with some of the decisions made through this whole experience. Further proof that GRM is a very very good place to be.

This thread makes me sad.

Spoolpigeon, sorry to hear there's still trouble. The unfortunate thing is that in many divorces there will be the desire to 'punish' the other party in any way possible and I think that's what you are seeing. It was my good luck that my ex shot herself in the foot so many times that had she tried anything it would have backfired big time. Me, even though I was MAD (as in HOPPING MAD MAD!) I thought it through and saw no upside, only downside and possibly alienating my daughter.

Good luck with everything!

whenry wrote: ...debt assumption and payment depends on who signed for the indebtedness. No matter what the MDA says, the third party creditor can go after the creator of the debt so be very careful about letting her pay a debt that you are a co-maker on since her non-payment may not only ding your credit rating but also cause you to pay the debt yourself.

What he said. If a credit card or debt is in only her name, you are not responsible for it. If it is in BOTH of your names, BOTH of you are responsible for it, regardless of what the divorce decree says. Creditors don't give two E36 M3s about divorce decrees.

I went through this, because my ex-wife's car loan was in both our names. She's a deadbeat who paid late every month, and I actually had to make one or two payments myself to avoid getting hits on my credit score. Fortunately she only had less than a year's of payments left after the divorce.

In reply to Sky_Render:

My lawyer caught that early. Since she didn't have a pot to piss in we didn't split the total debt. She had medical debt that she kept and I took the credit card debt (credit card was mine anyways). I took a bigger hit money wise, but it didn't give her the chance to ruin my credit.

On the positive side of things, I've been off my antidepressants for a couple months now and starting to dig out of the debt the divorce brought on. Got some good news from the lawyer today that I'm not as screwed as I thought with my taxes and I'll still be getting a decent return!

This thread is a reminder of why I will never get married again. Period. Thanks!

Many years ago, my first wife took off with a guy. Lawyer said, as long as she left my bed and board, the only thing she is entitled too are her personal things.

And that's the way it was. Just a hearing before a judge.