Life just got really bad, really quick. I need some advice.

Here's a small note from someone who "lost" his parents to them being crazy farkwits.  Our relationship spontaneously exploded years after we moved out, but apparently because we weren't raising our kids "right."   This was never communicated previously and everything was fine every time we saw them (multiple times a year) until one day it wasn't.   Now, I knew my mother has some serious depression/bi-polar stuff going on for well, ever, I guess, and was prone to occasionally "going nuts" my whole life, but the thing that really hurt was when it all fell apart and she was making completely nuts accusations about my wife and I, my dad did the same thing yours did.

We tried to be the bigger people and give them a chance to recant, they didn't.  When I talked to my dad 1-on-1, he said that "yes, he agreed with her, but he doesn't know why she said it."

I will say that the past few years without them in my life has been the most drama-free and relaxing ever.  So I'm a big fan of cutting people out of your life.

If someone shows you who they are, believe them.

On the Mustang front, see if you can get a recommendation to a local shop you trust.  Call around and ask how much to swap the engine with a reman unit with a warranty.  You said you're paying around $500/month on it.  If it's something like $2500 to have someone else drop a new engine in, then I'd call the bank that you have the loan with, explain the situation very briefly (i.e., you lost your living arrangement, you have a new one that's going to eat into your savings a bit, the engine is borked, etc.) ask them to suspend payments for ~6 months so you can save up to afford the new engine with the intention of selling the car after it's repaired.

If you can get anywhere near that kinda variance, start banking that $500/mo.  In the mean time, see if you can pull the pan and check the bearings.  If it's cheap and easy, then fix it.  If not, follow the plan.

Basically, selling it for what it's "worth" on the open market with a blown engine or getting it repo'd will both result in you having the same payment per month that you do now, but no car, just debt.

infinitenexus said:

I might take some photos of the tiny house I'm renting and post them so we can all have a laugh. It's exactly as horrible as you could imagine - ants in the kitchen, mysterious stains on the cheap carpet that isn't even installed, it's just on the floor. Holes punched in the wall. But we have a place so that's what's important. We'll work on fixing it up a bit and making it safer and more baby-friendly in the upcoming months. 

The most important parts of a house are that it keeps the weather out and it's safe. I live in a small, old house in in a neighborhood that wasn't that desirable at the time. When I moved here, the primary thing was that I could afford it if I lost the job I had and had to do odd jobs or deliver pizza or something. I've put a lot of work into it since then, but it's still not impressive as a status symbol. 

The most important part of a HOME is that the people there are happy. Others have covered this. My point is that your HOME can move from house to house. Get things in order as much as you can, get your feet under you get your plan sorted out and keep being there for each other as much as you can. Where you live will matter less if that's the case.

captdownshift (Forum Supporter) said:

Trade the mustang in on a food truck, open Sebring 12 hour bbq. Sell tee shirts that say, it's 12 hours to the finish line for this swine, with a cartoon pig doing a burnout in the truck. Give IMSA team members and crew 50% off for walk ups if you can get a picture with their drivers in front of the truck. Offer catering. 

 

Profit. 

 Best idea EVAR 

So here's a quick question for the gear heads. I lift the car up, I drop the oil pan and I'll be able to see the ends of the rods around the crank. What do I look for?  If I have this deafening loud rod knock, will one of them be loose and wiggle when I grab it?  Or will I just go ahead and replace all the bearings and cross my fingers that I fixed it?

Well, I forget how bad pulling plugs is on coyote, but a compression check may be an easier starting point.  I know sn95 mod motor cars better, but the easy way to cut fuel is the impact sensor in the trunk, then relieve pressure at the rail (usually a schrader valve there) that will tell you a lot if it's top or bottom end.  If it's top end, I don't think rebuild is a reasonable pathway vs junkyard replacement.  I usually shop junkyards through car-part.com if it comes to a replacement engine (got a low miles engine for my miata that way some time ago)

In reply to infinitenexus :

Yeah, try to wiggle things. Any play is bad news. Look for heat discoloration as well.

Compression check first is probably  good idea. That would indicate if there's a valve issue and which cylinder said issue might be on.

If that doesn't indicate anything obvious, then drop the pan and look for metal shavings, discoloration or perhaps even a visibly spun bearing. If it's not really obvious which cylinder is having an issue, then remove the individual rod caps (keeping track of which is which, and their orientation) and inspect the bearings themselves for wear, spalling, discoloration, etc.

infinitenexus said:

93gsxturbo said:

Cyberpunk 2077 is $50.  Would you rather eat or play video games?  Another $50 is the difference between a Marriott and a no-tell-mo-tel.  

When I bought the game everything was fine. I was living there and saving $500/month after bills and food. Money was not an issue. There was no "ear or video games" argument when I bought the game. 

Man this got long while I was being a responsible adult!  Anyway, considering Cyberpunk dropped on Dec 10 and this post was started on Dec 15, the numbers do not support savings of $500 per month.  Living rent free and saving $500/month since spring should be at least $3k in liquidity and all this complaining is just "woe is me, my life sucks"  If there wasnt $3k in liquidity on Dec 15, then there was definitely not $500/month being put into savings.

Also note an additional $50/month of video games is an extra $600 per year, totally free money just for the taking.  

Putting a link to your mustang thread on here as a bunch of folks have weighed in on that as well...Mustang...rodknock?

Do you have connections in Baltimore still? The job and housing market is usually a lot better here than most places in Florida. The NSA (and other government jobs) is even close! 

Lots of people jumping on Dad here, so I'll defend him some.  Dads family for the most part is him and his wife, just as your family is you and your wife.  That is the unit that needs to be happy, like it or not, everything else is 2nd.  If your Dad wanted you to chose between him and your wife, who wins?  From that perspective he had a happy home life and offered you some help, as most parents do.  A few months later, you're still there with no job and have now decided to bring a newborn into the mix, by choice, so what does he see? Maybe he sees someone that is living in his house, not working, not contributing, and making excuses why he can't work (no matter how valid they might be) with a dead car in the driveway.  Like it or not, that's what he sees, and his patience wore out. 

I know it's tough to have the correct stuff come through in writing, and I'm sure you don't mean it the way it comes across, but it reads like it's everyone else's fault but yours as written.

It's Dads fault

It's Step-Moms fault

It's step sisters fault

It the State of MD's fault

It's the mustangs fault

etc.

You now have your own place, with your own family, Today is a new day, go forward from here, not backwards

So what's wrong with the Mustang? Get in there and figure it out. 

93gsxturbo said:

infinitenexus said:

93gsxturbo said:

Cyberpunk 2077 is $50.  Would you rather eat or play video games?  Another $50 is the difference between a Marriott and a no-tell-mo-tel.  

When I bought the game everything was fine. I was living there and saving $500/month after bills and food. Money was not an issue. There was no "ear or video games" argument when I bought the game. 

Man this got long while I was being a responsible adult!  Anyway, considering Cyberpunk dropped on Dec 10 and this post was started on Dec 15, the numbers do not support savings of $500 per month.  Living rent free and saving $500/month since spring should be at least $3k in liquidity and all this complaining is just "woe is me, my life sucks"  If there wasnt $3k in liquidity on Dec 15, then there was definitely not $500/month being put into savings.

Also note an additional $50/month of video games is an extra $600 per year, totally free money just for the taking.  

  

Nice try but maybe ask a question or two before trying to just assume I'm lying. I use the stock market as my savings account so I can earn more than 0.1% interest or whatever. The only problem with that is it takes several days to actually get money from there, as I have to wait on the money to clear. So while I have cash in the stock market ( remember where I mentioned that several times?) I did not have hard cash in hand, and since we were kicked out without notice, that put us in a serious bind. 
 

As for your $50/month on video games comment, where on earth did you get the notion that I spend $50/month on video games?  This is the first time I've bought a game in more than a year, and probably the second time I've played a game in about as long. 

tuna55 said:

So what's wrong with the Mustang? Get in there and figure it out. 

That's the plan but please remember the coyote is a difficult engine to work on, I don't have a good spot to work on engines right now, and I've never done anything beyond bolt-ons. If it needs an engine swap, I have no way of doing that myself. Unfortunately it isn't as simple as "just do it," although I will be trying my best. Also the car is still at my dad's house so I have to wait until my stock money finally clears and is deposited into my bank account so I can have it towed to my place. 

Also picked up two chairs for $10 from the local habitat house, so now we have somewhere to sit. I managed to get through to MD unemployment today and once again they said my money is on the way and I should get it soon. We'll see. Electric is switched over into my name, tomorrow morning water/sewage/trash will be switched over (they charge $242 just to create an account and switch it into my name, ouch), and my wife is signing up for WIC.  I'll be cautiously applying for jobs starting tomorrow - I want to work somewhere where at least people wear masks. Covid is running rampant and half the people around here still don't even think it's real. I want to be extra safe with that, as Covid is a real concern of ours. 
 

We both feel better this afternoon, which is a plus. It's still going to be a struggle and we're not happy with the situation, but there's not much we can really do about it except pull ourselves out.  I'm trying to keep my wife's stress levels down. She had a miscarriage in the past, and the night SM flipped out and threw us out my wife started cramping super badly so we had to go to the emergency room to make sure she wasn't having another miscarriage. Fortunately she wasn't, but the one positive was that we got our first ultrasound!  It's just a tiny dot at this point but it was still exciting. 

Saron81 said:

Do you have connections in Baltimore still? The job and housing market is usually a lot better here than most places in Florida. The NSA (and other government jobs) is even close! 

We left Baltimore because the crime is crazy high, housing prices are high, taxes are high, and schools are bad unless you're rich. There's some excellent food and drink in Baltimore, but that's about it. 

Any GRM members near Sebring that can help with the Coyote? Maybe use our member locator thread to find a local-ish member who might be about to help. 

Unemployment offices across the country are overwhelmed. They are not set up for the numbers they are expected to process and there is no money to hire more people to handle the load. Another example of system overload. 

Expect the money when you see it. 

Steve_Jones said:

Lots of people jumping on Dad here, so I'll defend him some.

I know it's tough to have the correct stuff come through in writing, and I'm sure you don't mean it the way it comes across, but it reads like it's everyone else's fault but yours as written.

...

You now have your own place, with your own family, Today is a new day, go forward from here, not backwards

Maybe it's because I've had a similar "snap" from family in the past, but I didn't read the initial post this way. 

I read it more as someone who was thrown into icy water trying to come to terms with the fact that the solid and warm boat they were standing on a moment ago was no longer under their feet, and trying to work through exactly what caused the situation to change while at the same time trying to figure out how to keep their head above water and maybe, just maybe, figure out which way to start swimming to shore.

I haven't seen anything to indicate in this thread that he's shirking responsibility or slacking in any way towards fixing the situation, just trying to talk through the options with a group of random peeps on the internet.

Maybe I'm too kind, though :)

Most people don't plan well enough to have reserves for the repeated challenges you've encountered...so you should feel some sense of accomplishment. Also, for most people there's never ever a "good" time to add a new family member...but most people figure it out as they go.  It may be uncomfortable, but be sure you look into all of the gov't benefits you may be eligible for.  You've paid taxes for a long time.  If you're able to qualify for food assistance, medicaid or subsidized healthcare...use them.  You're in the south, so churches sometimes provide more social services than the gov't.  Food pantries, clothing banks, etc.  Some also provide reasonable daycare options, etc.   Forgive me if I missed details about that sooner in the thread.

Whatever you do, try to keep you unemployment flowing through Maryland.  Florida UI was designed to be intentionally difficult (SWMBO is still receiving benefits...but most people we know either took months longer to start paying, or still haven't seen a dollar).  Benefits are significantly worse than MD.   

Also, try to register for direct deposit (instead of waiting for a paper check) w/Maryland UI.  That may also speed thigs up a bit. 

In reply to WonkoTheSane (FS) :

Thank you.

In reply to Hoondavan :

All good advice, thank you. From what I understand, MD UI doesn't offer direct deposit. They give you the option of a debit card or a paper check. I'll keep calling them probably every other day to check on it while I'm applying for jobs 

infinitenexus said:

Also picked up two chairs for $10 from the local habitat house, so now we have somewhere to sit.

An actual Habitat for Humanity place?  Do you know that they have many stores in areas for common building materials- stuff that was donated for home builds that ends up not being needed.  For your small repairs, that may be the best place to buy stuff.

alfadriver (Forum Supporter) said:

infinitenexus said:

Also picked up two chairs for $10 from the local habitat house, so now we have somewhere to sit.

An actual Habitat for Humanity place?  Do you know that they have many stores in areas for common building materials- stuff that was donated for home builds that ends up not being needed.  For your small repairs, that may be the best place to buy stuff.

This place was called "habitat restore" and I believe it said some building materials were available. We got there right before they closed so we didn't have a ton of time but I'll call them soon and check it out. Some DAP, discount paint, and elbow grease would help this place out a lot.