marriage?

The SO has been on me pretty bad lately about getting a rock. (she sees all of her douchebag friends going thousands further into debt to buy a stupid diamond, and gets jealous).

We have been dating for 7 years, we live together, and we have a beautiful puppy.

We both have degrees, and are stuck in jobs well below where we should be (she is part time working, around 36 hours a week, the front desk at a massage clinic. I am working 50 plus a week in parts sales) we both have some serious credit card debt, we both have about 7 grand a piece in student loans outstanding, and we currently share a car, because I have 6 cars that don't run, and she has one saturn that does. Also, we live across the street from where she works.

Priorities are setting in for me. 1. I obviously need to get one of my cars running so we at least have backup. The Supra is the closest to being done, and doesn't need any more money to be completed, it just needs to be done! (I hate automotive wiring, this is why I am not an engineer)

1. Back to school is where I am headed. It makes sense to me, because just like investing, if you get yourself ahead of the competition while the economy is bad, you are that much farther ahead when it rebounds. I am getting a certificate in advertising copywriting from a local school.

2. House. Renting doesn't make much sense...600 a month, for what?

3. then the ring.

Do I have my priorities completely out of whack? Is she right, and am I just being unreasonable?

sorry for the rant, I just had to get that out.

You guys could do the marriage with inexpensive rings, you can always upgrade later when your income is larger.

buy a nice setting with a cubic zirconia - then promise her a diamond when u guys have money.

just a thought.

So... I'd say you're certainly right on the ring. It's not the time.

I don't have the most experience in the subject but I've purchased one at the wrong time financially, and the hit I pay with accumulated interest on everything wasn't really worth it...

However! Don't kid yourself. 6 non running cars and zero running is a LOT to ask from her

Buckhead wrote: buy a nice setting with a cubic zirconia - then promise her a diamond when u guys have money. just a thought.

This worked for me.

stuc said: However! Don't kid yourself. 6 non running cars and zero running is a LOT to ask from her

I realize that. But in my defense: One is a 68 mustang that I bought in high school to restore and never got it done, One is a 76 TR-7 that ran for a long time, then I decided I needed to do body work to it, and never got it back together, one is a 78 TR-7 parts car, one is my solo car that starts and runs just fine, but has a blown transmission (chose not to fix it because there are more important things), one is the closest to running (the supra), but like I said, I don't get automotive wiring, and another is a parts car.

in the grand scheme, one restoration project, one defunct project, one solo project, one DD project, and two parts cars....isn't THAT bad. (Anyone want to buy any of these that have been described?)

i assume you had the cars or most of them prior to the relationship. if thats the case she wouldn't expect you to sell them for a ring. but then again............"happy wife happy life"

I was where you were 6 years ago, only not working and trying to goto school. I decided that if she had stuck w/ me this far( dated for 5yrs.. ), she would def. stick around and help us get to better days. It was a win-win. Security is important to them. Trust me, buy the cubic, plan a decent wedding, get hitched and spend the rest buying a house and investing in your future together. Don't let "little things" make you miss out on a good woman.

Six months ago I had 4 cars (01 P71, 83 RX7, 73 Hornet, parts car), a giant pile of parts for cars I no longer owned, and a co-owned a house with my girlfriend of over 5 years. Now she has a rock (paid for), and I have 1 car (the 01 P71) and we share a Solo car (93 Miata). It's the happiest we've ever been and I seriously wish I had done it sooner, like before we bought the house. Things are soooo much cheaper when your married (car insurance, health insurance, homeowners insurance, etc) and it's so much easier to get the house.

Stay in school, sell some projects (that's a bad amount, and that's coming from a person who's owned over 100 already...), save your money to pay off debts, and get a cheap rock. In a few years you'll both have better jobs and no debt, then upgrade the rock and buy a house.

For the ring... You might also look into created gem jewelry. Some people think it's wrong to not get a "real" (naturally formed) diamond, but you can get a real diamond (or any other gemstone) for much less. Additionally, it will typically be larger and free of flaws.

There's a store in Sacramento that specializes in them, and my dad did a great job getting my stepmother emerald earrings that he would not have been able to afford if he'd bought "real" gems.

Otherwise, I'm thinking about the whole marriage (or not) thing too and interested to see what other people are thinking. I've been with a great woman for 4 years now who is fully supportive of my racing. We essentially live together (I have my own apartment, but sleep there about once every other month). I'm holding off because I don't feel stably employed enough, and there's a chance her employer might relocate her to Columbus or DesMoines. Plus, I've dealt with 3 divorces with my parents and am more against getting divorced than I am for getting married. Basically, not wanting kids for a while, I don't see an advantage to getting married yet and am in no hurry to jump into a lifetime decision.

You rent a house for $600 a month? wow, that's cheap. You're lucky to find a cracker box apartment around here for that.

You're priorities are correct. For a man. Women see things differently. Waaaay different.

Nothing says commitment like tattooed wedding bands. Prolly cheaper too.

Don't buy a house together until you are married. If you're young, you could find yourself divorced in a year and arguing over who gets what when the house is divided up. If this is a situation where you've been dating each other since you were 16, then seriously think about the next step. I've seen a TON of marriages break up due to "life crises" from relationships that started at a not-so-mature age. Just a thought.

I rented for a year after marriage, then bought the house.

Meet Dave Ramsey....
Watch these videos.
The overview: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b--HwXE3064
Part one of ten parts: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VzfhKEMWuCY&feature=related

Really, 6 non running cars?
Fun cars, toy cars, spare cars, restoration cars are all luxuries. As you state your situation it does not seem to me that you are in a place that really affords you these luxuries. Your situation seems to dictate that you need solid, reliable (and likely boring) transportation that can get you to work on time.
You state you have credit card debit but then you also state that you have 6 cars worth of assets. Offload the assets and use the proceeds strictly to pay off the credit cards. Make yourself a second job of parting out these cars. You tell us that you are not happy with the money you are making so here, this way, make more money.

The credit card spending and school debit were all purchases where at the time of buying you said to yourself, "I will actually pay for this later." Guess what. Later has arrived.

You need to become a Dave Ramsey disciple. You're finances are a disaster, and you can't afford to go back to school. You need a wake up call.

And get rid of all that non-running junk. There will be plenty of time later in life for that kind of stuff. I wish I had given up on some of my crap way earlier in my life.

As for the ring, I'm surprised nobody has suggested shopping the pawn shops. They are a great source of jewelry at prices light years better than mall jewelers. Only pay cash for it. The size isn't really important. If she's worried about impressing her friends with a rock, she wants one for the wrong reasons.

FWIW, getting married was the best thing I ever did, but my wife is low maintenance, low pressure, supportive, great with the kids, doesn't whine, complain or spend too much. Second best thing was moving away from TR7s and onto TR8s.

Platinum90 said: The SO has been on me pretty bad lately about getting a rock.

If she is aware of your financial situation, sees that both of you are working in a position well below your qualifications and still whines about a bit of bling, maybe this isn't the girl for you.

You've done everything but the ceremony, drag her to the courthouse and marry the girl; or boot her to the curb for ragging on you for what she knows you can't provide.

But that's just me.

July 22nd we will be married 32 years, time flies, I can't believe it myself. I asked her to marry me on Halloween night and I didn't have a ring. I explained that when our finances get better we'll go pick one out together.

"Nah, it's going to be doing dishes and scooping baby sh'!, take me to dinner and we'll call it even.

She still doesn't have one....

Dan

To paraphrase the late, great, Lewis Grizzard:

" I've been married so many times, I can't even remember their names.. I just refer to them as "Plaintiff".. It's gotten to the point where I've seen bumper stickers that say, "Honk if you've been married to Lewis Grizzard".

Now, whenever I get the urge to remarry, I just stop the first cute girl I see on the street, buy her a house and a car, and the urge goes away.

Get your finances in order.

If she wants to get engaged, a simple gold band or a pawn shop ring work.

Later on, when your finances are in order, worry about a different ring. Better yet, get creative, then. You could take a trip together, try to find a rock, and use THAT for the wedding band. Even if the rock was really small, a ring containing it would have a lot more memories behind it than one you bought at a jewelers.

Since you don't care about fancy jewelry, your matrimonial ring needs can be taken care of very cheaply with something like http://boonerings.com (titanium, peened finish with hotrod flames, etc.)

Or a nice tattoo.

Does it have to be a diamond? the ring is symbolic and nothing more. My mother's engagement ring is a star sapphire. Simple, clean, and inexpensive. She's had it for 40+ years

jrw1621 said: Really, 6 non running cars? Fun cars, toy cars, spare cars, restoration cars are all luxuries. As you state your situation it does not seem to me that you are in a place that really affords you these luxuries. Your situation seems to dictate that you need solid, reliable (and likely boring) transportation that can get you to work on time. You state you have credit card debit but then you also state that you have 6 cars worth of assets. Offload the assets and use the proceeds strictly to pay off the credit cards. Make yourself a second job of parting out these cars. You tell us that you are not happy with the money you are making so here, this way, make more money.

If any of the cars I have could be considered "assets", I would have sold them all by now. The Mustang was a resto project between my step-dad and me. He got bored with it, and it got stuffed in the barn (I feel bad selling it, because we were supposed to "do it together")

The reliable transportation is going to be the 90 supra. If anyone wants to help me figure out the wiring, give me a call (it would seriously help the home environment).

Actually, since we started dating, I have sold the Aspire (that was not running at the time), and I also sold the Maroon92 Ford Crown Vic (also not running at the time).

The TR's would be nice to get rid of, but they are in Michigan, and I am currently living in Georgia.

My wife bought me a 14k gold wedding ring at Sam's club for $90.00. I am happy.

Do not go into debt for a ring. Buy what you can afford.

I too am a big Dave Ramsey follower. You should see the office building Dave bought using cash in Brentwood, TN. WOW!

914Driver wrote:

Platinum90 said: The SO has been on me pretty bad lately about getting a rock.

If she is aware of your financial situation, sees that both of you are working in a position well below your qualifications and still whines about a bit of bling, maybe this isn't the girl for you. You've done everything but the ceremony, drag her to the courthouse and marry the girl; or boot her to the curb for ragging on you for what she knows you can't provide. But that's just me.

This.

If you and she are really planning the rest of your life, what is another year or two (or three?)

A non-running Supra is not reliable transport - sell it! Take whatever proceeds and buy a running car, maybe an Escort - that is transportation. As you imply in your post, the Supra is straining the relationship. Do the right thing, dump the car.

Does it cost you anything to keep these non-running cars like storage fees? If yes, certainly get rid of them but even if it does not, turn them into cash. If the Michigan cars are kept with a family member have the family member sell them and send you a check. You are likey concerned that the family member will not get as much money as possible, understood, but you are getting NO MONEY for them yourself. Take the little money and unburden yourself of these cars.

What did you think of Dave's videos?