men are happier people

MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE NICKNAMES If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes. EATING OUT When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators. MONEY A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need...but it's on sale. BATHROOMS A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel . The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items. ARGUMENTS A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. FUTURE A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. SUCCESS A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. MARRIAGE A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does. DRESSING UP A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals. NATURAL Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night. OFFSPRING Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

LOL Classic

Related (Somewhat NSFW):

http://youtube.com/watch?v=eYZZ5rUMa7k

MOST of those I'd agree with, but as someone who delivers pizzas for a living I can tell you one of two things happen when "the bill comes" and only men are getting pizzas: EVERYONE starts waving wads of money around and an argument will break out as to who will pay for all of the food. Guys will gingerly pull out SOME money, and at this point I wish they would also get a calculator, and the amount of money offered will not quite pay for the pizzas.

BTW, recent experience says that Moms USUALLY tip better than single women.

And as far as Success:

A successful man makes more money than he can spend. But the same man is NOT successful if he can't make more money than his wife can spend.

integraguy wrote: MOST of those I'd agree with, but as someone who delivers pizzas for a living I can tell you one of two things happen when "the bill comes" and only men are getting pizzas: EVERYONE starts waving wads of money around and an argument will break out as to who will pay for all of the food. Guys will gingerly pull out SOME money, and at this point I wish they would also get a calculator, and the amount of money offered will not quite pay for the pizzas. BTW, recent experience says that Moms USUALLY tip better than single women.

Interesting. The dudes I consider my closest actually aurgue about who gets to pay the bill. We're a loyal tight bunch, even though we live across the country.

I won't hang with a sandwhich pockets. Which is not to say we're moneybags, if one of us is short, they speak up right away, we cover them and they get us next time.

We get taken advantage of on occasion, but the freinds I have make it worth it.

My time slinging Pizzas, I did notice Mom's tip the best, especially if you are polite and offer to set the pizzas on the table. Single guys were the 2nd best and all you had to say was "Wassup Dude."

Yup I'd agree with most of the list But I know daughter better then eny one.

I have worked in retail for six years now so I try to treat everyone in the service industry pretty well.

My mentality on tipping: If I'm already overpaying for some amount of food (and going out for food is overpaying); might as well spare an extra buck or two to give to the waiter/waitress. At that point the dollar is worth more to them than it is to me.

Do I fail as a man because I have more than 6 bathroom items? My extras include beard trimmer, mustach scisors, aftershave lotion, and a pump bottle of dawn for cleaning my hands after working on cars.

neon,

replace the dawn with Gojo and you may retain your man card,

An exgirlfiend used the bathroom at the hose I was renting at school, when she came back she asked where my soap and shampoo was and why there was a bottle of go-jo in the shower. I just asked what was wrong with go-jo? That Christmas I got all kinds of shower stuff