Morning Laugh - Sugar Free Gummy Bears - I'm cryin' here!

I'm listening to the Dave and Chuck the Freak morning show here in SE MI. They found some sugar free gummy bears that, according to the reviews, cause volcanic intestinal distress. (http://www.amazon.com/Haribo-Gummy-Candy-Sugarless-5-Pound/dp/B000EVQWKC/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1385125267&sr=8-1&keywords=sugar+free+gummy+bears)

Read the reviews! Luckily I get to work early and no one is really here to see me LMAO. I'm in tears over some of them.

One of their colleagues is attempting the Sugar Free Gummy Bear Challenge and seeing if the reviews are true. This is payback for a previous prank. I'm not getting any work done this morning.

They stole that from us. We did sugar free gummy bears last week.

LMAO @ "Spaceship Me" XD

I am sending a bag of these to every member of Congress to show my deepest gratitude.

Bwaahahahahahahahahaaaa.

The first review alone was enough to bring me to tears. Thanks.

I'm crying reading some of those reviews, and trying not to wake the woman, hahahhahaa

Was listening on the way in this morning, but nothing since 7:30 when I got out of the car. Whats the latest?

In reply to Gearheadotaku:

James is currently in "distress". They're starting to feel bad for him now.

oh the evil I could do on my coworkers....

In reply to mad_machine:

Yeah. There are regularly random foods brought in and left in the breakroom at work- it would be SOOO easy to grab a bag of those, drop them in a bowl, and put it out. Or just bring them to the office Christmas party in a few weeks and watch the fun.

After showing the GF the Amazon reviews (and her laughing herself silly...) she's mulling getting a bag of them for her dad's and his gold-digger new wife (neither of which she is that fond of).

any sugar free candy is going to mess you up..

I have to post the first Amazon review here for sh1ts and giggles.

Oh man...words cannot express what happened to me after eating these. The Gummi Bear "Cleanse". If you are someone that can tolerate the sugar substitute, enjoy. If you are like the dozens of people that tried my order, RUN!

First of all, for taste I would rate these a 5. So good. Soft, true-to-taste fruit flavors like the sugar variety...I was a happy camper.

BUT (or should I say BUTT), not long after eating about 20 of these all hell broke loose. I had a gastrointestinal experience like nothing I've ever imagined. Cramps, sweating, bloating beyond my worst nightmare. I've had food poisoning from some bad shellfish and that was almost like a skip in the park compared to what was going on inside me.

Then came the, uh, flatulence. Heavens to Murgatroyd, the sounds, like trumpets calling the demons back to Hell...the stench, like 1,000 rotten corpses vomited. I couldn't stand to stay in one room for fear of succumbing to my own odors.

But wait; there's more. What came out of me felt like someone tried to funnel Niagara Falls through a coffee straw. I swear my sphincters were screaming. It felt like my delicate starfish was a gaping maw projectile vomiting a torrential flood of toxic waste. 100% liquid. Flammable liquid. NAPALM. It was actually a bit humorous (for a nanosecond)as it was just beyond anything I could imagine possible.

AND IT WENT ON FOR HOURS.

I felt violated when it was over, which I think might have been sometime in the early morning of the next day. There was stuff coming out of me that I ate at my wedding in 2005.

I had FIVE POUNDS of these innocent-looking delicious-tasting HELLBEARS so I told a friend about what happened to me, thinking it HAD to be some type of sensitivity I had to the sugar substitute, and in spite of my warnings and graphic descriptions, she decided to take her chances and take them off my hands.

Silly woman. All of the same for her, and a phone call from her while on the toilet (because you kinda end up living in the bathroom for a spell) telling me she really wished she would have listened. I think she was crying.

Her sister was skeptical and suspected that we were exaggerating. She took them to work, since there was still 99% of a 5 pound bag left. She works for a construction company, where there are builders, roofers, house painters, landscapers, etc. Lots of people who generally have limited access to toilets on a given day. I can't imagine where all of those poor men (and women) pooped that day. I keep envisioning men on roofs, crossing their legs and trying to decide if they can make it down the ladder, or if they should just jump.

If you order these, best of luck to you. And please, don't post a video review during the aftershocks.

I almost E36 M3 myself laughing at the reviews that people wrote about E36 M3ting themselves.

I think these could shut down my office. I see a free day coming up.

Adrian_Thompson wrote: I have to post the first Amazon review here for sh1ts and giggles.

Tears are streaming from my eyes from reading that.

"why? daddy, why?"

My god. I'm ordering these for the office that my upper management works from.

These reviews really cheered me up today.

Thank you!

did anyone notice that he had numerous sphincters?

Thinkkker wrote: did anyone notice that he had numerous sphincters?

Normal folks do have more than just the one.

I now have the perfect treat for my office.

How to repay those co workers who really give you the E36 M3s

My favorite.

Amazon reviewer said: I was looking for a low calorie 'grazing' snack when I originally bought this product. Tastes fine. After my first enjoyment, I experienced something less enjoyable. That might have been something else I ate that day, so some time later, full of wariness and scientific curiosity, I ate some just before leaving work. 1 hour, 30 minutes later, after retrieving the children from school, we arrive back at home. During this time, the gummi bears, hereafter referred to as The Fuel, were being carefully processed in the fuel system of Space Ship Me. I can only assume that The Fuel is a highly advanced binary propellant because it is non-reactive and benign in storage and even during initial ingestion. But as with all binary propellants, when mixed with the complementary other half of the pairing, the results are highly energetic. Turning my parental duties over the the capable hands of the Roku and widescreen TV, I proceeded upstairs apace, shedding unnecessary accoutrements as I could tell this cowboy was about to Go Rodeo. Entering the Launch Facility (a.k.a. real estate agents refer to it as the 'master bath') I approached the Launch Pad itself, a fine furnishing manufactured by American Standard. As it was handy to the direct path of travel, and to further the cause of Science!, I stepped onto the bathroom scale and made note of my weight. I then configured the Launch Pad into the second receiving mode and positioned Space Ship Me atop the launch aperture. All hatches closed! Exhaust fans to full power! Sitzfleisch sealed to Launch Pad support ring! (It's a German double entendre, look it up.) Fuel flow starting, easing open sphincter, commence count down! 10! 9! 8! Whoops, 1! Thrust built rapidly to the 100% rating of the nozzle. The exhaust thundered against the parabolic shape of the Launch Pad and reverberated back upwards, buffetting the structure of Space Ship Me. I swear, if I had thought ahead to equip the Launch Pad with the kind of camera available for the Discerning Customer with Refined Tastes from a Discrete Retailer, you might have seen shock diamonds. I know some other customers have thought that they might have needed seat belts, but from my dispassionate observation point, I could objectively see that I had not yet achieved Lift-Off. That happened on the Saturn V launches as well: they had to sit on the pad for a while at full thrust until just enough fuel has burned off to make the thrust exceed weight. It's a long way to orbit, and I was in a hurry to get to the ISS, so the only thing to do was to go to 125% on the nozzle. That's where things started to go wrong. Thrust increased, to be sure, hammering the porcelain, but the exhaust flow became turbulent. It was also becoming asymmetric. The signal came from below, "The engines cannae take any moor, Cap'n!" (I have no idea why my arse has a Scottish accent.) Fuel flow dropped off and the nozzle output dropped to merely 10%, with some damage to the combustion chamber. But luckily, sitting quietly for about five minutes, The Fuel had regenerated enough pressure that I could make another attempt. After about thirty minutes and several attempts, I had not achieved lift off, and Thank God, because I realized belatedly that I hadn't a plan for how to get through the ceiling and roof. But the scale revealed that I had lost seven (7) pounds.

Sorry to those not of the religious persuasion, or those that are. I woke my wife up because I was shaking so hard trying not to laugh

Normally I would not post a review on something like this however I think the public should be made aware of the effect of these sugar free wonders of colon cleansing. A member of our church decided to buy some of these little gummies with the thought in mind that our pastor who is diabetic could enjoy these after service at fellowship. The member told the pastor about them before service and he said he would love to try one. He consumed one and commented on how delightful it tasted so the member poured out a bunch in a glass bowl and set it on his desk. Our pastor uses a hands free headset microphone during service. He began the service at 9:00am sharp by 9:30 he seemed to be sweating a little more than normal. He made it to the choirs time slot and quickly exited the sancuary. What followed was needless to say interesting to say the least. We started with a loud Oh my lord i dont think I can make it. The rustling sound of his robe being torn off followed by a thud as the headset hit the floor, The pastor must have painted the toilet in his office as the sound of the toilet being hosed sounded like a faucet hitting a stainless steel sink. The man prayed aloud for the all mighty to deliver him from this evil. For a man of the cloth the words from the depths of hell poured out of his mouth like flames from a torch. He moaned for god to take him now! The choir at this point stopped and the memebers all listened and laughed aloud as to know our pastor is to forgive. After what seemed like twenty minutes we heard the flush of the holy throne and the rustle as the pastor put on his robe. He then put the headset back on and said aloud "My god this room is going to need an exorcism. He returned to the sancuary and was taken back by the laughter that followed. I pointed to his head set and the look on his face was priceless. Without missing a beat he finished the service blessed the flock and rushed to his study for round two. He stopped for fellowship and said he wasnt feeling well and promptly left for his house.

BE WARNED EATING THESE COULD REQUIRE THE NEED OF A PRIEST AND A POSSIBLE EXORCISM, Otherwise they are pretty tasty one a day.

Oh my... I started to read it again. Had to stop or I'd wake SWMNBWU (She who must not be woken up)

'Hellbears.'

Who wants to bet that sales are skyrocketing on these little colonic bulldozers?