My kid slays me. (And others too)

Two nights ago, i was skyping with my 4 year old son. He was showing us his sweet ninja moves, we were applauding appropriately. We told him that swmbo 2.0s daughter was turning 16. Apparently swmbo 1.0 had been talking about having to be 16 to drive, so she asks him " gibson, do you know what you can do when you turn 16?"

His response- "yeah, be a mommy or a daddy!" I fell out of bed laughing, smwbo 2.0 turned an amazing shade of crimson, and gibson was gently corrected that we drove cars when we were 16. Funniest damn thing hes ever said. Beats the time we were at the bank and the teller asked him when his birthday was and he deadpans "Wednesday". I had to check a calendar to see if he was right. He was only a day off.

Can we have a "kids say the darnedest things" thread?

My 4-year old daughter: "My underwear is too tight! I can't live like this!" And recently when I accidentally landed a quad-copter on her head, sucking her hair into the props..."Do I have to wear this forever?"

We had one. Or 12. But....lazy. that quad copter thing is great.

My kid doesnt talk yet but we were out eating lunch at cracker barrel. She was on my lap and I was giving her small bites of biscuts and gravy. When i was shoveling food into my own mouth she was following the fork and looking up with her mouth wide open like it was for her. We were laughing through the whole meal.

about a week ago my kid was in the back seat in his carseat (2yo) and as i pull up to the drive thru window he growls and scares the lady handing me my coffee.

That reminds me of the time when I was 4 and at the auto show in Toronto, and I walked up to the Infiniti stand and complimented them on the FX, calling it a "very cool wagon." They weren't too happy

G_Body_Man wrote: That reminds me of the time when I was 4 and at the auto show in Toronto, and I walked up to the Infiniti stand and complimented them on the FX, calling it a "very cool wagon." They weren't too happy

You were 4 when the FX came out? Damn, when I was 4, Infiniti wasn't a thing yet.

Also, yeah it's pretty much a wagon.

crankwalk wrote:

G_Body_Man wrote: That reminds me of the time when I was 4 and at the auto show in Toronto, and I walked up to the Infiniti stand and complimented them on the FX, calling it a "very cool wagon." They weren't too happy

You were 4 when the FX came out? Damn, when I was 4, Infiniti wasn't a thing yet. Also, yeah it's pretty much a wagon.

Yup. The autoshow was in February 04, so I wasn't five just yet. And isn't a fantastic sportswagon? Rear biased AWD, thumping engines, a nice interior, and looks that make it the Dodge Viper of crossovers. If someone gave me the keys to one, I would never give it back.

2 years ago we took my then 5 year olds to golden corral in lima. My kid asked the waitress why she was brown. My wife turned red but the waitress was nice about it, said it wasnt the first time a kid had asked.

crankwalk wrote: Damn, when I was 4, Infiniti wasn't a thing yet.

When I was 4, Nissan wasn't a thing, and DATSUN was barely a thing (in the US).

EvanR wrote:

crankwalk wrote: Damn, when I was 4, Infiniti wasn't a thing yet.

When I was 4, *Nissan* wasn't a thing, and *DATSUN* was barely a thing (in the US).

I remember being massively confused as a youth when datsuns were suddenly nissans.

"Daddy, which is better? Pooping or Farting?"

4 year old boy, no preamble or context, just a random thought.

My half brother is 11 years younger than me. When he was 6 or 7, we were out Christmas shopping as a family (so we're in a large mall area). We stop to decide where to go out to eat dinner as a group, and he stops us all and says "you guys want to go to Petco?"

We all kind of look at him funny, but before anyone has a chance to respond, he comes back nonchalantly with a perfectly timed "fresh fish".

I about died.

It's October of last year, driving from Minnesota to Atlanta with Mrs. Clarty and our 5-year old girl, Ruthie.
After an extended silence, Ruthie pipes up enthusiastically from the back: "Guess what's in my pants!"
Mrs. and I laughed so hard I nearly drove off I-65. Ruthie had taken one of her little "Octonauts" guys and put in her pants; we were supposed to guess which one.

G_Body_Man wrote: That reminds me of the time when I was 4 and at the auto show in Toronto, and I walked up to the Infiniti stand and complimented them on the FX, calling it a "very cool wagon." They weren't too happy

My BIL/SIL are yuppie-kinda people from NJ, so of course they have an SUV to haul around their one kid with.. They weren't too happy when my 4 year old told them how much she liked their "new mini-van!" :)

Unexpectedly drove onto black ice one time with 4-year-old DD#1 in the car seat in the back. Clamped firmly down on the instant panic and gently guided the car through a slow 450° spin which included going backwards through a shallow swale, down a curb, and into a parking lot off the side of the road. Luckily we didn't hit anything or damage the car.

As I was sitting there with a death grip on the wheel, trying to swallow my heart and unclench my ass, DD#1 pipes up from the back:

"Was that fun?"

At the auto show and my son and I were looking at one of the Audi SUV things (the bigger one) He is in the back I am up front and we have all the doors close. A sales person comes walking up to the vehical with the quintessential american family you see in the Audi commercials. Dad is a younger successful business man Mom is attrative and about 6 months pregnant and they have a 3 year old with them. All were dressed like LL Bean Models. The salesman opens the back door and as my son is getting out he asks my son so what do you think of the car young man. My son responds.

"The back seat area is to small and the seats are to hard. I like the Jeep better" (we had just got out of a Jeep Grand Wagoner)

All this was in ear shot of the young couple. The salesman was left there just speechless. I about died. It was all I could do not to laugh. By the way my son was correct in his assessment. I have been on park benches that were more comfortable.

When my son was just old enough to have free range of whatever aisle we would be shopping in he developed the unerring ability to find the prettiest woman around and just would just slide his hand into hers. Pretty good game for a 3-5 year old.

They would be so amused that often I'd have to wait while he'd chat them up before we could finish our errands.

This past October at the PCA Oktoberfast event at Hallett. We were sitting in the grandstands that overlook Turns 3 through 9. Grandson, aged 2 years and 11 months, leans in to SWMBO just after a screaming pack of GT3s goes aound 9 and blazes up the back straight and yells, "I just HAVE to do this! I HAVE to race!!!" The little kit was born with the fever in his blood

KyAllroad wrote: When my son was just old enough to have free range of whatever aisle we would be shopping in he developed the unerring ability to find the prettiest woman around and just would just slide his hand into hers. Pretty good game for a 3-5 year old. They would be so amused that often I'd have to wait while he'd chat them up before we could finish our errands.

What a stud. I'll give that a shot and report back how many times I get slapped.

My grandson is 3. He had a pretty runny nose and was eating a mint-flavoured ice cream cake for his sister's birthday. His mom helps him to blow his nose. When he finishes, he brightens up and announces "My boogers taste minty!" We were helplessly rolling on the floor!