My neighbours who express their appreciation of me in ways I don't immediately recognise

Today they discovered that I was intending to build a workshop in the backyard. They were very unsupportive of the surveyor come to find property pins.

Later this afternoon, one offered me their rental property to purchase because it has "easier access to the back yard." I interpret it as "we want you to move away."

This is ten years of:

You need to paint the trim above your garage because I can see it from my kitchen window.

How dare you make any noise at all, ever.....

I told them I have absolutely no intention of moving. They bully me; I don't do what they want - It's a circle of life.

I have every intention of watching them grow too old to take care of their own property, downsize, and watch the new owners undo all their hard work.

I'd ~like~ to think I'm a good neighbour. I'm just blown away by their interaction with me. I purpose to be nice and polite, but I ~will~not~ be bullied, and I want no part of any relationship with my neighbours. It's like being in grade 5, with a playground run by a school yard bully, and I have no way to breaking into that clique. Wow. Makes me feel young. Berkeley them.

This should probably go in the rant thread.

You need some new yard decor:

Tell me the address and I'll go do a burnout on their lawn. Only joking of course. Or am I?

Buy the house next door to me, we'll get along great!

Shawn

In reply to SkinnyG:

Maybe you need a nice topiary to make them happy:

...and seriously--I'd stop being nice very quickly and tell them to go berkeley themselves.

One of my neighbors did similar stuff like this and expressed her concerns very loudly to my wife 3 years ago. I came home to my very shell-shocked wife and I went full Ray Liotta in a nanosecond. My neighbor was reduced to tears in under 3 minutes. We didn't speak for well over a year and she eventually apologized.

Being the alpha in the situation is sometimes beneficial. No one will bully me.

You can't pick your neighbors or your inlaws.

My response to your neighbor:

I need? I NEED? I don't NEED to do E36 M3. You NEED to mind your own berkeleying business.

Now, if you want to ask nicely and/or offer to help then maybe we can talk, but you better be damned convincing.

Told my neighbor to KMA the other day after she starting yelling at me for spraying weed killer on my side of the fence line along the street. Didn't introduce herself, I've lived here 7 berkeleying years and she's never bothered to say hi or answer the door when we tried to introduce ourselves. So yeah, sorry if I berkeleyed up your raspberries, but if you kept your E36 M3 under control or introduced yourself I might have just asked if you needed help trimming the stuff back, etc. And no. I won't buy you replcement raspberries. Its called a farmer's market, put the cigs away, climb in that bucket you call a car and go get some.

In reply to gamby:

Dude, I remember you talking about that episode.

You say you won't be bullied but it appears that you are being bullied. There's only one way to deal with a bully, just as Gamby did, and that's to shove it right back a little bit harder.

Appleseed wrote: In reply to gamby: Dude, I remember you talking about that episode.

I wasn't sure if I mentioned it here.

In the end, it all blew over, but it is now established that one must play nicely in my world.

I clued into the bully thing only about three years ago. A bit of an epiphany, really, I wasn't expecting that reality. I wanted to believe that there was a good side to the man.

But all the pieces fit: the fence issue, the cedar issue, the trim issue, the fact that he remembers every fault like it was yesterday, the fact that as ~our~ relationship went for a E36 M3, everyone else in the cul-de-sac distanced from me as well.

I have had zero interaction with my immediate neighbour (the bully) since then (2011). Our conversation at that time ended with me saying "All you do is complain, all you ever do is complain and criticize everything I do. Every time I see you, I'm expecting a complaint or a criticism from you. I want absolutely nothing to do with you." We have not spoken since, until today when I was out front with the surveyor.

Dude who offered his property to me (~his~ neighbour) hadn't spoken a word to me in five years. The last conversation was his criticizing my unfinished Allen Block walkway for being unfinished. I should have called him on his motivations today, but was being too polite at the time. I likely will bring it up, and soon.

The "I can see the trim from my kitchen window" issue, I said "I'll get right on that." And getting right on that took five years, when I finally painted the house. I even left that trim for last, and contemplated "forgetting" to paint it, but then I would be being an shiny happy person. I don't want to be an shiny happy person.

The ceders I left to grow until ~I~ felt damn good and ready to cut them. If looking at them made me angry and bitter, I left them. For another year. And another year. I think I let them grow a good four years until ~I~ felt like cutting them because ~I~ wanted to. And I cut them to the height ~I~ wanted, because berkeley him. When he complained that I didn't cut them short enough, I told him this was the height ~I~ wanted.

One time (eight year ago) he came over to complain about me cutting some metal. He asked me to stop. I said "No. I'll stop when I'm done." When I was done, I mowed the lawn as well just to piss him off. Found out five years later just how much that pissed him off. Apparently it infuriated him.

Previously, I had been trying to find logic in his actions. I kept trying to tell myself "He is not a reasonable man." But it didn't stick. Once I had the "Bully" epiphany, it all made sense. Today, the surveyor had asked Bully neighbour (who had come out to see) and me if it was alright to hack the junipers back to find the pin. Neighbour said "no." I said "Give'r: hack my side up to the pin; I really don't care."

I'm too damn polite, eh?!

Some people just can't be happy unless they are making other people unhappy.

Side note, would you ever be free to help me tune the megasquirt on my miata?

On another note, living here has taught me the importance of finding that philosophical happy place, so that when I grow old, I do not become an angry, bitter, and calloused, old man.

Being an shiny happy person back, is only going to foster and build the shiny happy person in me.

I still believe, deep down inside, that I need to be polite and respectful. Even if they do not deserve it. I'm not saying I have to give in, I'm saying I can politely and respectfully not do what they want. A bully wants to get a rise out of their prey; I shall not react.

SkinnyG wrote: Later this afternoon, one offered me their rental property to purchase because it has "easier access to the back yard." I interpret it as "we want you to move away."

Interpret it as you wish, but most importantly, would it be a worthwhile thing for you?

gamby wrote: Being the alpha in the situation is sometimes beneficial. No one will bully me.

100%

We need more of this.

BTW. that doesn't sound anything like bullying to me. Sounds like people being petty and selfish.

foxtrapper said: would it be a worthwhile thing for you?

Not interested. It's not what I want. I like my house, I like my yard, I like the neighbourhood, I like living on a cul-de-sac, I like the proximity to the kids' school, I like the proximity to work, I like the "rural" location, I'm excited to be building a workshop here.

My loving neighbours are in their 70's. They only have so much time left; I can wait them out.

2:55am as of this writing. Waiting for my mind to shut down so I can go back to sleep.

All of our neighbors are wonderful except for the family right next door. Early on, after we realized what we were up against, our weasel next door slithered over to complain about something while I was at work. My wife, very calmly and quietly, read him the riot act. She didn't argue or try to reason with him, just thoroughly told him off. He was completly shocked. It helped. They have since largely left us alone, except for the sneaky, cowardly stuff, of course. You and I feel that being a good neighbor is part of our civic duty, but some people just don't see it that way.

So, don't be afraid to tell them where to go and always remember that being this kind of person is its own punishment.

To the neighbor: "If you don't like what I do on my property I will give you this one chance, today, to buy my home from me for $xxx,xxx.xx and I will move away and you can do whatever you want with this property. Don't want to buy it? Then, since I did decide to buy this property and you did not, I will continue to make decisions about what goes on here."

I have had neighbors like this. Out on their porch till 2am, but if you make a peep, the cops are at your door.. stuff like that. Worst part was, if you complained, things would happen to your stuff. My other neighbor got into a fight with them when he ran some kids off who were stealing a battery from their camper. He got accused of stealing it.. but the cops could not find him at fault especially after I told them I -did- see a car there before he came out to run them off.

next morning, both of his cars had 4 slashed tyres

Time to paint the house purple with green polka dots?

Seriously, sorry to hear that they're being such shiny happy people. I hear you on not wanting to be one yourself. It doesn't sound like much fun to brood about things like where your neighbor plants cedar trees.

It sounds like you just need to know your local ordinances so as not to violate anything actionable ...and ignore your neighbors. Don't be antagonistic, but mow as you wish. Run the engine. Build the garage. It's your house. Own it.

I think SkinnyG is on the right path. Kill them with kindness. Take their suggestions as, "ok I'll look into it". Being as they're older, they really have nothing else to do but look out the window and complain.

My immediate neighbors are awesome and other than a coward who, rather than talk to me, routinely called animal control about my dogs running loose in my yard (we have invisible fencing), we've had no problems.