New Rules of the Road

I have been noticing some new rules of the road that are apparently not in the Driver's Ed manual quite yet. Do these applty in other areas, or are they local to me?

1. On two-lane roads with a speed limit of 25 - 35 mpg, if a car comes to a stop on a side road, drivers on the main road should come to a complete stop to allow the car to enter. Drivers should not maintain their speed and allow the car to enter where there is sufficient space between cars to do so. This is especially true if the driver on the main road is elderly, driving a Buick, or in front of people who need to get to work.

2. You do not have to pay attention to road signs, lane markings, overhead signs, or signals.

3. You do not have to have an idea where you are going or how to get there.

4. If, as a result of #2 or #3 you find yourself in the wrong lane and cannot get to where you want to go, you should come to a complete stop, block all traffic behind you for as long as you want, create a dangerous situation and dangerously cross several lanes of traffic in order to get to your destination. If your actions cause all other drivers to miss their turn, or miss the light, or miss the ferry, it is not your problem. Your convenience is far more important that the safety and convenience of others. Do not, under any circumstances, accept that you made a mistake and have to turn around and add 1 minute to your travels.

5. If you are on a side road and want to pull out to a main road, ignore the speed limit of the road that you are entering. If you feel that you can get out between tow cars, go for it. If the approaching car is doing 45 in a 45 zone and you choose to rapidly pull out right in front of it and then go 20 mph, the other car is equipped with brakes for a reason. Enjoy your leisurely drive, isn't retirement fun?

6. The left lane has no significance over the right lane, middle lane, HOV lane, bike lane, Lane Bryant, or any other lane. No special rules or consideration apply; please drive as you wish, at any speed that you wish, and make turns in any direction that you wish.

7. Turn signal indications are no longer required, or even suggested. We all love a good mystery.

8. The world is your ashtray, throw your fire-starting cancer-sticks wherever you want. The environment is fine and forest fires are pretty to watch.

9. The $10,000 suspension lift that you put on your Ford Raptor and $10,000 you spent on 30" wheels and tires WILL NOT SURVIVE going over a railroad crossing. Sure, that rig could run the Paris-Dakar at 120mph, but a 1" different in road height? NO WAY! Slow to a crawl! But be sure to slam on your brakes JUST BEFORE the minuscule curb without warning to other drivers.

10. Parking is a right granted to all drivers, and you have the right to park wherever you want. Do not worry about blocking other drivers, sealing off parking lots, parking in crossings, taking spaces from the handicapped, parking on attractive landscaping, parking on the homeless, parking in placed clearly designated as reserved for someone else...ignore it all. If you can get your car there, park there.

11: Motorcycles, bicycles, skateboards, etc: any vehicle smaller than your own is piloted by vermin. Destroy at will.

12: Yellow lights: if they've just turned red, gun it and plow through the intersection. Occasionally, jam the brakes just when it turns yellow instead to keep others on their toes.

13: When you blow a 12, just sit there with your car in the intersection. Nobody will mind.

14: Stop at least 3 car lengths back from the vehicle in front of you, creeping forward with every text you read/send.

15: Passing the garbage truck/farm equipment/etc. is your RIGHT. Never yield to oncoming traffic while doing this, you own that lane.

and so, so many more...

If your next stop is to the left of you, ALWAYS turn left completely blind accross five lanes of heavy traffic with a 50mph speed differential between lanes. Safely turning right and going around the block is not worth it even though it might actually take less time. You may also use the busy center turn lane as a lane of travel until you can force your way in to moving traffic.

When making a left hand turn, pull as far as possible to the right, thereby making it impossible for anyone to pass around you, thereby stopping all traffic behind you and potentially causing a collision.

Also, for "#3 You do not have to have an idea where you are going or how to get there", I still maintain that GPS has done the dual societal disservice of 1) making everyone directionally retarded, and 2) adding distraction for the driver. I propose we ban GPS, and require all drivers to have a co-pilot with a paper folding AAA map.

When driving on the interstate. Try to match speeds with anyone in the right lane (of course you are already in the left lane) until they have to slow for traffic, then resume your previous speed. Ignore the gesticulations and horns from other motorists.

While passing tractor trailers, play hide-n-seek from the driver. Those mirrors can't see you so you win!

When driving a large truck, always have your tow mirrors extended so that people know you're a big serious truckbro.

In any vehicle, the preferred method of turning is the "invisible trailer"- swing wide first, then execute your turn. Bonus points for interrupting the path of vehicles next to you or in the oncoming lane.

When making a left hand turn at a light where there is a left turn lane, it is important that you stay as far as possible to the right side of your lane. Even more important if you are driving a van or Pick-up.

Failure to observe this simple rule will allow people making left turns from the opposite direction to see oncoming traffic approaching so that they can safely make their left hand turn.

People going straight or turning left, make sure to always pull forward extra far at red lights so people trying to make right turns have to wait until the light is green. Bonus points if you're an van/suv/truck.

2 lane roads with a center turn lane, throw on your blinker and brake in the traffic lane instead of the center turn lane.

1kris06 wrote: People going straight or turning left, make sure to always pull forward extra far at red lights so people trying to make right turns have to wait until the light is green. Bonus points if you're an van/suv/truck.

b.) When executing the above, make sure to never stop before entering the crosswalk. Try to obstruct as much of the cross walk as possible for the duration of your stop.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ wrote: 12: Yellow lights: if they've just turned red, gun it and plow through the intersection. Occasionally, jam the brakes just when it turns yellow instead to keep others on their toes. 15: Passing the garbage truck/farm equipment/etc. is your RIGHT. Never yield to oncoming traffic while doing this, you own that lane.

These 2 are a huge problem here. Actually, #12 should be corrected to read "if they've just turned red, continue through the intersection at your leisure" Red light cameras would be a lot better than this IMO.

Merging should be done at half the speed limit of the road you are entering, for example: speed limit is 60? Merge at 30 or lower.

At stop lights, stop far enough back so that you can see the white line, not so that the front of your vehicle/front wheels are near it. Then if the light fails to change because you are too far back to set off the signal, run through the intersection whenever you feel like instead.

Reading (books, ebooks, etc) is now acceptable while driving.

I forgot:

If there is an obstruction in your lane, such as a delivery vehicle, parked car, mail truck, pedestrian or cyclist, you immediately claim the right to whatever path around the obstruction will delay you the least. DO NOT check to see if there is anyone in the left lane coming up fast before you swerve around the obstruction with no turn signal. DO NOT consider that there may be oncoming traffic before you cross into the oncoming lane while swerving around that FedEx truck. Something is blocking your lane, YOUR LANE, and why should you have to slow down and wait for a safe passage around it?

Don't forget to slam on your horn when someone is slowly backing out of their driveway regardless of distance to street.

Come to a full and complete stop at "Yield" signs.

In reply to volvoclearinghouse:

But never, ever stop at a stop sign.

WilD wrote:

1kris06 wrote: People going straight or turning left, make sure to always pull forward extra far at red lights so people trying to make right turns have to wait until the light is green. Bonus points if you're an van/suv/truck.

b.) When executing the above, make sure to never stop before entering the crosswalk. Try to obstruct as much of the cross walk as possible for the duration of your stop.

c. ) if a vehicle attempts to inch out beyond you to see traffic so they can make a legal right on red, you are obligated to inch out as well

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ wrote: In any vehicle, the preferred method of turning is the "invisible trailer"- swing wide first, then execute your turn. Bonus points for interrupting the path of vehicles next to you or in the oncoming lane.

I think it's a game to see who can get to their destination having used the least steering angle. It's the laziest game ever invented.

Also, if you're in a modern Dodge pickup, you can go 30-40 over and just weave in and out of traffic at will. Tailgating is also required.

All the traffic engineering departments in East Tenn have discovered traffic circles as alternatives to stop signs and other traffic control devices. Most rednecks or the half-backs who have bought all our lake property do NOT know how to deal with traffic circles and just stop until the area is devoid of other traffic(except the ones piled up behind and now exhibiting road rage).

This 'splains how to do it!

In the event that the turn signal is inadvertently discovered, it is now the hand of God. What is in the intended lane of choice is inconsequential. Merge immediately.

In the event of a sudden red light when occuping a left turn lane, vacate the intersection post haste. This applies to the lead vehicle and up to 3 trailing vehicles. Ignore the green light given to cross traffic.

When cars are parked on both sides of a suburban street and a car comes from the opposite direction, of course you take your half out of the middle!

When entering from Mac Donalds on to a 35 mph arterial. Just pull out. I have good brakes.

If you are traveling at the same speed as the vehicle in the lane next to you and you need to get over, ALWAYS accelerate and jam yourself in to the 1.5 car gap up front rather than lift off the gas and merge in to the 10 car gap behind the vehicle. Bonus points if you slam on the brakes to make the next turn after executing this maneuver.

If you guys could refrain from words like retarded and such I could use this material in my DE class!