New Rules of the Road

Turning left at an intersection onto a two lane road; PLEASE go directly to the right lane! If the angry motorist using the space you insist on filling, do a hair flip over your eyes so absolutely no eye contact will be made.

What horn and dust.

Center turn lanes are also acceptable as passing lanes if vehicles in front are not progressing at the speed you wish to travel at.

If you are trying to pull out onto a state highway with a 50mph limit.. you -must- pull out directly ahead of the only car on it, even if there is a mile of empty road behind it

If you have to turn again shortly after an intersection, please make sure you are in the opposite lane of the direction you have to turn and then speed up and get in front of the whole line of traffic and then slam on the brakes so everyone has to slam on the brakes behind you.

It's ok for all of the traffic to be side by side going 10 MPH under the speed limit while traffic builds up behind you.

In changing lanes it's better to speed up and cutoff the person next to you instead of just slowing up a little bit and falling in behind them.

pinchvalve wrote: I forgot: If there is an obstruction in your lane, such as a delivery vehicle, parked car, mail truck, pedestrian or cyclist, you immediately claim the right to whatever path around the obstruction will delay you the least. DO NOT check to see if there is anyone in the left lane coming up fast before you swerve around the obstruction with no turn signal. DO NOT consider that there may be oncoming traffic before you cross into the oncoming lane while swerving around that FedEx truck. Something is blocking your lane, YOUR LANE, and why should you have to slow down and wait for a safe passage around it?

I think that's my biggest peeve. A few years ago I actually had my drivers side mirror knocked off by a seventeen year old way over into my lane to avoid a parked car on his side. He lost his mirror too, but that was little consolation. He had no clue that he should have yielded to oncoming traffic.

Cone_Junkie wrote: If you are traveling at the same speed as the vehicle in the lane next to you and you need to get over, ALWAYS accelerate and jam yourself in to the 1.5 car gap up front rather than lift off the gas and merge in to the 10 car gap behind the vehicle. Bonus points if you slam on the brakes to make the next turn after executing this maneuver.

On the flip side...

Always make sure to match pace with the person in the lane next to you. Whether they are driving slower than the limit, faster, accelerating rapidly trying to get around you, slowing down to get behind you, or picked the spot in front/behind you to merge into, under no circumstances should you not make every effort possible to be directly beside them at all times.

Bonus points if the person you are pacing is frothing at the mouth and screaming at you with both birds up for being a moron (that would be me)

If you find yourself next in line to cross an intersection and the light is yellow, please observe your responsibility to block crossing traffic as the light turns red. Waiting in the intersection will prohibit drivers from proceeding, which will save lives as its difficult (but not impossible) to have an accident while stationary...

pinchvalve wrote: I forgot: If there is an obstruction in your lane, such as a delivery vehicle, parked car, mail truck, pedestrian or cyclist, you immediately claim the right to whatever path around the obstruction will delay you the least. DO NOT check to see if there is anyone in the left lane coming up fast before you swerve around the obstruction with no turn signal. DO NOT consider that there may be oncoming traffic before you cross into the oncoming lane while swerving around that FedEx truck. Something is blocking your lane, YOUR LANE, and why should you have to slow down and wait for a safe passage around it?

Oh, yes forgot about this one too. I see this often with people going around stopped garbage trucks and it scares the E36 M3 out of me.

Always check your email, twitter feed, Facebook, and text message at every red light. Make sure you cover all those bases before you look up and notice the green light has been on for 30 seconds. Pull out quickly. If you timed it right, it will go red for the person directly behind you.

Do not, under any circumstances, remove the phone from your ear, even after you've rear-ended the old lady who was unlucky enough to actually stop at the stoplight you missed because you weren't paying attention. Also, you must continue the call you were on, even while you are studying the damage you've just done to the vehicle in front of you, and say inane things to the person on the other end of the call, like, "Yeah, I think I just hit someone!"

I really wanted to punch him on behalf of the woman because he was such an idiot.

In the case of morning munchies, it's perfectly acceptable to be on the inside lane, spot the grease vendor of choice, then whip across the lanes and come to nearly a dead stop in front of the 80,000 pound 18 wheeler since the drive thru line extends to the curb. Once the truck driver gets his heart out of his throat and inventories the contents of his skivvies, you may just stare at him/her or make a 'what are you gonna do about it, jerk?' gesture.