Woody wrote: When I read the thread title, I actually thought that Ade Vigoda had finally made the move.
Me too!
Now... let's hear some of those stories about your grandma. Misanthropic elderly family stories are usually comedy gold. At least in hindsight. 
Let's see..... So she was on a E36 M3 pile of meds for her back due to osteoporosis. Pain and so on. Our family has a yearly gathering where we rent a bar and drink all the booze. She convienently forgot about the pain meds and started mainlining mai tais like kool aid. Safe to say she was blasted. So there she is hanging off the bar like some dusty ultra cougar with el stinko 120 hanging out of her mouth trying to put her best moves on the bartender......
Powar wrote:
They were way more generic. Seriously black and white bag said mustard chips on it.
Sorry to hear about your loss?
I just lost my great aunt last month. 89 years old. We were very close; out of the 100 or so people in attendance including 4 siblings and countless nieces and nephews, my dad-her nephew in law-was the one to give the eulogy. As he said in it, she came into his life when my older brother was born, and quickly assumed the role of “In loco grand parentis”. She was a woman who retired as a Captain in the PHS, and for all her faults, was someone I was extremely lucky to have in my life. And all of her nieces and nephews were as well.
After the funeral, (and the luncheon at the Catholic Church--KY, so we had great fried chicken there), we met up at her sisters house with 40 people from Illinois, Indiana, Wisconsin, Michigan, Iowa, North Carolina, Ohio, Kentucky, and Tennessee, in a house that is maybe 900 square feet, drank a lot of beer, my brother and I played guitar, then we all went and gorged ourselves on BBQ buffet. A great time. Even if you’ve lost a sister, aunt, or extra grandparent there is no reason you can’t enjoy good food and drink with your loved ones.
mndsm wrote: Let's see..... So she was on a E36 M3 pile of meds for her back due to osteoporosis. Pain and so on. Our family has a yearly gathering where we rent a bar and drink all the booze. She convienently forgot about the pain meds and started mainlining mai tais like kool aid. Safe to say she was blasted. So there she is hanging off the bar like some dusty ultra cougar with el stinko 120 hanging out of her mouth trying to put her best moves on the bartender......
Nice! So, I'm assuming she scored, right? 
Matt B wrote:mndsm wrote: Let's see..... So she was on a E36 M3 pile of meds for her back due to osteoporosis. Pain and so on. Our family has a yearly gathering where we rent a bar and drink all the booze. She convienently forgot about the pain meds and started mainlining mai tais like kool aid. Safe to say she was blasted. So there she is hanging off the bar like some dusty ultra cougar with el stinko 120 hanging out of her mouth trying to put her best moves on the bartender......Nice! So, I'm assuming she scored, right?
I didn't hang around to find out... or to be the one elected to escort her home. No way I was getting near that trainwreck.
mndsm wrote: They hated each other. My grandfather used to mimic shooting her on a regular basis. Towards the end of his life, when he was too weak to sit up on his own, she had the balls to accuse him of smacking her around. But they were good catholics, so they stayed together. I'm just glad it's over. Ain't nothin' left but the cryin' and the weird luncheon in the basement of a church.
Sounds a bit like my father's mother and her second husband (my natural grandfather died 4 years before I was born). Some couples sleep in separate beds. Some sleep in separate bedrooms. They slept in separate houses about 40 miles apart.
She was a piece of work as well. I didn't spend that much time with her (I later found out why...), so I didn't really mourn her like the death of my mother's parents. She was in quite a bit of pain towards the end, so in most ways it was a relief.
All of my grandparents had cancer in some way. Three of them died from it. I suppose that doesn't bode well for me, although most lived into the late 80's or more.
Ian F wrote:mndsm wrote: They hated each other. My grandfather used to mimic shooting her on a regular basis. Towards the end of his life, when he was too weak to sit up on his own, she had the balls to accuse him of smacking her around. But they were good catholics, so they stayed together. I'm just glad it's over. Ain't nothin' left but the cryin' and the weird luncheon in the basement of a church.Sounds a bit like my father's mother and her second husband (my natural grandfather died 4 years before I was born). Some couples sleep in separate beds. Some sleep in separate bedrooms. They slept in separate houses about 40 miles apart. She was a piece of work as well. I didn't spend that much time with her (I later found out why...), so I didn't really mourn her like the death of my mother's parents. She was in quite a bit of pain towards the end, so in most ways it was a relief. All of my grandparents had cancer in some way. Three of them died from it. I suppose that doesn't bode well for me, although most lived into the late 80's or more.
Yeah, they slept in separate rooms. She snored like an unmuffled chainsaw. He slept with a loaded glock under his pillow. The stories I have about these two...... It'll be interesting to see who actually pushes out a few gator tears during the eulogy. I hope to christ they don't ask me to speak. No way in hell I can do that with a straight face and sober.
Here's another gem. She was a notoriously bad cook towards the end. She used to be able to make a pretty wicked chowder, and some turkey noodle soup, but I found a toothpick in it one time and that was the end of that. ANYHOW-
We all went over there one time for some reason, I have no idea why. She ambles off to the kitchen to fire up some grub. We're all looking at each other like "Bail?"... but we didn't. She comes back in and says "I made you boys some stir fry!" Oh hell.... this is gonna be interesting. Get into the kitchen and sure as E36 M3, there's a bigass bowl of stir fry. Looks a little lighter than usual but hey, it doesn't look like poison and it doesn't have any weird E36 M3 like the time I found garbanzo beans in her "chili" (that was a whole other story..). So we all grab a bit to be nice and as we're eating it, we're like WTF. This is boring as E36 M3! It's like... thawed meat and vegetables. As we investigate, she comes back in. She says "I didn't know if you boys would think the sauce was too spicy, so I left it off." Sure enough still in the package, and still frozen, was the sauce. It was TERIYAKI. >.< I gave up right then and there.
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