...than squabbling over inheritance money. 
It's not worth burning family relationships for a chunk of cash. I need to keep telling myself this. I just wish other people in the family felt the same way.
Longer version:
My grandparents wanted to split their estate 60 : 20 : 20 between my dad, brother, and me. They messed that up a bit and about half their assets did not go into the estate the way they were supposed to and are going strait to my dad. So now it's about 80 : 10 : 10.
My dad has no problem with this. He believes he is actually owed all of the money from my grandparents' estate and that they were completely irrational when they decided my brother and I should each get 20%. He is the executor of the estate and has stated directly to me that he is going to distribute the absolute bare minimum he legally can to my brother and me. He's already looking at a share over $2mil, and is trying to take every bank account with $30k in it for himself, rather than divide it as they would have wished. He's working on making it 84 : 8 : 8. And he's already telling us about the nice house, fancy new car, BMW motorcycle, and airplane that he's planning to buy with the money.
My brother is convinced my dad is trying to cheat us and is ready to turn the whole ordeal into a legal battle, and then once he gets what is owed to him cut himself clear of the rest of the family.
Now, I'm still get a healthy chunk of change that is nothing to sneeze at. Even the bare minimum my dad can give me will be enough to buy me a modest house, new-to-me DD, and set aside enough cash to cover a year or two windfall to ride out the recession or live on while waiting for a brewing company to become profitable. I know I didn't earn this money and feel like a bit of a greedy dick for feeling like I am owed money I didn't work for... but everyone else is feeling even more entitled than me.
I'm really pissed off because I feel like my dad is ignoring my grandparents' wishes for his own gain and asking me to be happy about it, my brother is trying to split up what family we have left because he thinks my dad is callous and immature, and my dad is giving him reason to think so.
Don't blame your brother. It's all dad.
Beer Baron wrote:
...than squabbling over inheritance money.
I watched my wife's Uncles fight over a chunk of dirt with a shack on it up near the Canadian border. Hand pump in the kitchen, no running water, out house.
Two got arrested for fisticuffs; 20 some years later, three are dead and the two remaining still aren't talking.
You have my condolences.......
Just make sure you are in your dad's will. 
Know it may not be fair and you're very much right, it really isn't worth tearing the family apart over. There is no way out of this, someone is going to be pissed off.
Your dad sounds like a douchebag. Do you guys have a bad relationship, or is he just a cock? I'm surprised that he would even tell you about how he's doing this.
Why the berkeley can't he just say, "They screwed up the way they put things in the will. It's obvious they meant to do [this]. So I'll distribute it that way, to prove I want to do what's right for the rest of the family. In return, if you'll let me keep the properties that make income every year so that we know I'm taken care of, that works out best for everyone."
Call up the radio lawyer Len Tillem on newstalk 910am. His specialty is inheritance and family trust stuff etc. Just remember that as an heir you are entitled to a full disclosure of the estate. Len always talks about choosing the correct trustee of the trust and not the greedy child, sounds like your grandparents messed that one up.
Seriously though give Len a call, it is free legal service and I get to hear you on the radio. Call M-F between 3-4pm and I'll be listening.
The will will have to go through probate so you will have a chance to see if everything is on the up and up. I suspect he got his dad to change something right before the end. Same thing happened with my F-I-L.
You can still sue.
Your dad may be morally wrong and going against your grandparents wishes but given the information you've given and my understanding of estates from going through this with my Grandpa and Dad he is doing what is legally required.
It sounds like your Grandparents specified that the items set asside as the ESTATE get split 60:20:20. It sounds like they had specified or previously distributed 50% of their assets into the estate prior to death so this would be splitting up their total assets by 50% unspecified, 30% estate funds to your dad, 10% estate funds to you, 10% estate funds to your brother. Unless otherwise specified in the will that other 50% would go to Spouse 50%, Children 50%/by number of Children. If any of these people are Decesed or don't exist 100% goes to the survivor. If that person is Decesed it gets messy from their. As a grandchild you are only entitled to amounts specifically identified in the Will which sounds like 20% of the Estate what the estate includes sounds nebulous
I think it's attorney time to check if the Estate/Assets/Will are specific about what is what.
Sorry for your loss.
Also remember that if he's getting 2 mill which is 84% as you've specified your still in line for ~160K which is enough for you to POSITIVELY CHANGE YOUR LIFE and if your smart about how you use it you can still honor your grandparents by letting it set you and your family up for a lifetime of security. Also as sucky as it is remember that lots of people die with no assets and their families inheret debt. Be happy that you will get anything and be happy that your dad is basically set for life now. Make sure things are on the up and up but be content with what you will get as it will still change your life.
And stop berkeleying text messaging me to discuss it! I already told you I'm pissed off at you! How can you not understand why?
The only way I will talk to you about this right now is in person, over beer, where there is real human interaction to help understand and be reasonable with each other.
At least understand and respect me that much.
My feelings on inheritance?
I didn't work for it, its not mine. I hope my parents die happy and have lived life to their fullest.
I was surprised at how much fighting there was over the inheritance when my grandfather died.
Luckily, I wasn't terribly involved in it, as I just got a few things here and there, and I was happy just to have a few remembrances from him and my grandmother.
PHeller
SuperDork
8/7/12 12:22 p.m.
If he's the executor I don't see how you could get anything more than what is available. If the 60/20/20 was for the cash, and your dad was given the property, than I'd think if he ends up with 80% of the estate, it's his.
If your dad is a jerk, he'll have more money to fight the battle with. Don't waste what you've got trying to get 10% more.
I'd probably consult a lawyer about the details of the will and see if there is anything to be disputed, but I would only go against a family member in court if it was a garunteed win.
nocones wrote:
Your dad may be morally wrong and going against your grandparents wishes but given the information you've given and my understanding of estates from going through this with my Grandpa and Dad he is doing what is legally required.
I think it's attorney time to check if the Estate/Assets/Will are specific about what is what.
Yes. This is the situation as I understand it. He is not doing anything illegal, but he doesn't care if what he is doing is immoral or not. There are certain details I need to look at to be certain what is actually supposed to be in the estate/trust and what isn't. My dad keeps telling me I should just trust him, and the more he says that, the less I do.
It sounds stupid, but it's when he started talking about how to divide a couple bank accounts that amount to about 5% of the estate, and he says he's going to try to manipulate things so they don't go into the trust and go strait to him, that I started getting pissed. To me that crossed the line of "I need to be sure I have enough to take care of myself" to just plain greedy. It's not that he wants to take the big things, it's that he wants to take every single tiny cent that he can.
This is very true. We are in the middle of the same thing with my family. There are reasons my grandparents would tell everyone I was in charge and I was made executor. My grandfather hasn't even died yet and they are already fighting over who gets what. My aunt is the worst.
Like I've said, I'm not going to fight him on it. It isn't worth it. He holds all the power in the situation and the amount more I might possibly get isn't worth the strain it would cause on the family. I really am just ranting here because I'm pissed off.
It really pisses me off though that my dad is putting me in the situation of having to back off to try to keep peace with the family. Like, I'm being taken advantage of, but if I stand up for myself, I become the one who screws up the family. I really hate being put in that position. I want us all to sit down and talk amiably and come to a group decision, and no one else wants to do that.
Beer Baron wrote:
Like I've said, I'm not going to fight him on it. It isn't worth it. He holds all the power in the situation and the amount more I might possibly get isn't worth the strain it would cause on the family. I really am just ranting here because I'm pissed off.
It really pisses me off though that my dad is putting me in the situation of having to back off to try to keep peace with the family. Like, I'm being taken advantage of, but if I stand up for myself, I become the one who screws up the family. I really hate being put in that position. I want us all to sit down and talk amiably and come to a group decision, and no one else wants to do that.
Sometimes you have to do what you have to do. Either way, something tells me that the relationship you guys have with your father isn't the best, otherwise, he'd really want to take care of you two.
You could always fight it out until the lawyers have all the money!
slefain
SuperDork
8/7/12 12:40 p.m.
We estimate that my in-law's distant family has spent about $80k in legal fees fighting over a $60k estate (and that was the 2001 value). The cars have sat so long not even I want them. Various items from the estate's farm have been "borrowed" to other family member's farms. The main instigators are dying off left and right, but recently one of their children has picked up the torch and continued the fight. Hell, even the lawyer died.
Luckily my family is all poor. When grandma died, my dad cashed in her Publix stock, wrote my sorry P.O.S. waste of oxygen uncle a check for half the stock value and told him go away.
Good luck man, it sucks no matter what.
Beer Baron wrote:
It sounds stupid, but it's when he started talking about how to divide a couple bank accounts that amount to about 5% of the estate, and he says he's going to try to manipulate things so they don't go into the trust and go strait to him, that I started getting pissed. To me that crossed the line of "I need to be sure I have enough to take care of myself" to just plain greedy. It's not that he wants to take the big things, it's that he wants to take every single tiny cent that he can.
Why though? It sounds like the total "ESTATE" size as in what Assets your Grandparents had is ~2.4 milion. Your family is "Lucky" that your Grandparents passed on in 2012 and this will all be exempt from taxes.
That bank account (If not specifically part of the estates assets) would represent an increase of ~25K to you (again this is all from data you've given).
Who's the one being greedy? Your assuming that you will get 1/3 of what your dad gets which is what your saying your grandparents specified. He's found out that they did not plan their estate well and 50% of their assets are "up for grabs" in that they are not specified to go into the estate. They are HIS. He is their (only it seems) child and they are both Deceased so 100% of their assets unless otherwise specified in a legal binding will go to their Heir. Be happy they planned well enough to hook you up with $150k+ and don't get yourself removed from your fathers will.
A lot of the trouble is he had joint holdings with other people on things he owned to streamline managing them as he got older. Those things are passing strait to the joint owners, rather than going into the trust. My grandfather didn't anticipate that.
The one piece I'm most pissed at my dad about are a couple of bank accounts that actually would legally go to his financial manager/advisor. She is going to surrender them to us, not keep them for herself.
I'm pissed at my dad because, even though these are obviously something that really should have been in the trust, he has flat out said that if she gives control of them to him and not to the trust, he'll keep it all for himself, rather than divide it up. If he divides it up, his share is about 2% than it would be otherwise.
It's not enough to fight over, but it would be a lot more to me than it will be to him, and I'm pissed that he is getting greedy enough to want to squeeze every last 1% of the assets away from my brother and I that he can.
Maybe if he were more tactful about it, I'd be less pissed. If he were talking about how he is planning to give us all what the legal distribution should be, I would understand. But he has strait up said that he is going to work to give my brother and me as little as legally possible.
Sorry for your loss and hope everything works out. My moms side of the family argues about this kind of stuff and my grandpa is still kicking it strong at 90 years old. On the other side it just started as one of my grandparents has fallen ill. It's a horrible thing and I would rather have my family around than a chunk of change. You can't ever replace a family member but you can replace a dollar bill.
yep...when my grandma passed, she wanted everything - house, money, stuff - split even 5 ways to each of the 5 kids. Her (practically) Ironclad will stated this in no uncertain terms. Her 5 kids - my dad, 2 uncles, 2 aunts were all on board when she made the will many years before her health began to decline, so no one shouldve been surprised.
SURPRISE!!!!!1!!1 - about a year before she died, she got pretty sick, and spent about 9 months living in my Aunts house - the only one of the 5 who has no kids. Everyone came over during the week to spend a day with her when my aunt was at work so she wouldnt be alone. Somehow, in my aunts mind, that 9 months, where grandma was under her roof, but being cared for by everyone, somehow entitled my aunt to a lions share...as in 51% of the total. She thought it was fair and equitable that she got more than half, leaving the other half to be split 4 ways. She felt so strongly that she took the matter to the courts...and lost.
Courts found the will to be in correct order, and there wasnt enough information to justify changing it, so she got her 20% fair and square...except that she pissed everyone off. Now, she has no kids, and no family. As shes getting older, shes finally realizing what her greed had done - no one to help her out as she ages, no one there for her when she has needs. Such a sad story
something something violin something sad
