Personal reconciliation of ideas, beliefs and actions - a mid-life crisis story

OK over the last few years I have been struggling with everything I have been taught in my life and everything I want in my life and am trying to match it to people, places, friends, behaviors and beliefs.

Not going into great detail about content, because it would enough to write a novel, but upon tertiary examination of people around me, I seem to be a minority in trying to do this. People seem happy to let them self contradict them self. Be their own best argument for and against them self. They seemed surprised and go into, at best what I can work out to be, a cognitive dissonance triggered rage at me.

Am I the only one trying to do this? Or are others actively trying to do this as well and just not aware of the tribe that is on the same path?

There are a couple types of people in the world. IMO, there is a VAST majority of individuals who are not truly conscious of themselves, their successes, their failings, and who they actually are. They simply "think" and therefore it is. Truly for them, reality IS their perception. And even when pointed out, they will continue to do so, even if maybe reality is not as they perceive.

There are others who understand and have the introspective nature to realize that their actions may not always be correct, right, smart or make a lick of sense. Maybe reality is not as they perceive. I call it those who get "it".

I've always been ok with somebody being a hypocrite, as long as they understand that they ARE a hypocrite in that situation. The people who don't get "it" are the ones who can not understand, even with the hypocrisy described to them, how that actually fits them.

A lot of people get on my case on the boards here for being opinionated. What they don't seem to understand is that I do think a lot about their opinions and thoughts before responding. I understand WHEN I am being hypocritical (usually in the form of a double standard). I've just come to the conclusion that I am ok with it.

Many people do not like to question themselves or too many of the established norms in their lives. Be it patriotism, religion, politics, monogamy, selfishness ... whatever. They are happiest when everything is "fine".

So, when you, after much thoughtful debate with yourself... tell your wife that you like the c0ck and were just using her vessel to get the kids ... pluto isn't a planet, jesus is fake and america might not be the greatest nation on earth afterall ... she goes all batschit on you. It upsets her world view

EDIT: I fully expect this thread to start out thoughtfully as it has thus far and descend into a pit of darkness and despair that makes for an ironic twist on your observation about cognitive dissonance and rage.

Is HiTempGuy on the right track? I couldn't figure out the original post but his makes some sense.

Do I need to be high for this discussion?

It can definitely be a challenge to break away from what you were brought up to think and believe... despite my thoughts & beliefs having changed a lot from them it's still difficult to come clean about that to the people you know aren't going to take it well and will take it very personally...

Do you best not to let others define what happiness means to you.

We are shaped by our environment. What we like (food, climate etc.), what we believe (religion etc.), what we do (accent etc.). These variations are actually good, otherwise everyone would want to live in the same place and do the same things, but this is not an absolute. You can almost always find people or a place that will "fit" you to a tolerable level, you just have to look.

I was hoping an Amy or two would be involved.

+1 to HiTempguy.

Unfortunately, the oblivious outnumber the "get it" crowd by a large margin.

What HiTempguy said. And I'm on the same ride as you, FS, I think.... having passed well through what I expect to (hopefully) be the mid point of my time here, I put everything on trial, every though, belief, etc.... question everything.

I'm a lot different person now than I was 10 years ago, I think... but I am the only person I can worry about. The people around me? I thank my "lucky stars" my wife is of the same mind, and we just avoid discussions of politics, religion, etc around most friends and family.

I got sent to one of those leadership training thingies several years ago and the one point I vividly remember and remind myself often of is this:

One of my favorite sayings goes something like "The wiser you get, the more you realize how much there is that you do not know."

The vast majority of people are idiot freaks. But they think they know everything.

Dear OP, Your post reads as if you may be depressed. Rest assured that everyone (who isn't completely oblivious) struggles with something at some point. Internal or external, real or imaginary. Life is what you make of it as long as you remain open to new ideas and experiences.

Oh look! A whole thread full of people who think THEY are the ones who "get it".

The longer I live the more I am convinced that the greatest foolishness I ever pursued was the belief that I was not the one in the room who was a fool.

I refuse to buy into this whole Pluto is not a planet claptrap.

FS, what you're doing is what many intellectuals do. It can be hard. Dean Wormer may have been wrong, fat, drunk and stupid is the way a crapload of people go through life.

I accept failure and foolishness as part of the human condition, part of my own DNA, and part of everyone around me. I am better off when I spend my energy seeking to forgive the failure in myself and the world around me, instead of trying to heal it, fix it, or change it.

oldtin wrote: I refuse to buy into this whole Pluto is not a planet claptrap...

Oooh, bringing up the Pluto thing again eh? What next? You going to tell me Pluto see's a lot of things flying by it as fast as the New Horizons probe?!?

Toyman01 wrote: +1 to HiTempguy. Unfortunately, the oblivious outnumber the "get it" crowd by a large margin.

Another interesting (anecdotal) take I have on it is that by no means does it make you better at life, better as a person, or in general make it a strictly positive trait (you can still be an introspective E36 M3ty person, just look at what some people think of me on these forums ). The ability to blindingly bash your way through life appears to be a large part of what society calls success.

My parents said it best, "We raised you to be good human beings, one's that acted in a moral and decent manner with strong values and convictions. We've talked before about how it may have been the incorrect choice, and we should have raised you to be more like everyone else."

SVreX wrote: ... the greatest foolishness I ever pursued was the belief that I was not the one in the room who was a fool.

Replace "I" with "you" and we finally agree on something

SVreX wrote: The longer I live the more I am convinced that the greatest foolishness I ever pursued was the belief that I was not the one in the room who was a fool.

Which is kind of exactly the point of this conversation. OP is becoming aware of this proverb, the thing is many people are unaware of it and how it applies to them. Some people never come to this truth. Some people do, and don't apply it to themselves. No need to get righteous up in her' man

Luckily I was raised without a whole lot direction. My parents always impressed on me the benefits of living a traditional life, but said that I was not required to do so. My parents knew the world was rapidly changing, and they could not predict the challenges I would face.

Nobody in my family was ever motivated by money, instead I think most of us are motivated by potential life experience. If buying a car provides you with a new experience, save your money, if you want to experience having kids, save your money, if living financially frugal allows you to travel, save your money, if you enjoy your low paying job, don't spend your money. Practically every one of my family member had a drastic life change after their kids left the house. Whether was traveling the country on a motorcycle, selling their home, getting a divorce, or changing life-long careers, most of my family could not wait to "break out" of the routine.

This is something my wife and I agree on. You've got to have a 5-year plan. You can't go through life waiting for life to happen.

I moved across the country because I was tired of waiting for it to happen.

G. P. Snorklewacker wrote:

SVreX wrote: ... the greatest foolishness I ever pursued was the belief that I was not the one in the room who was a fool.

Replace "I" with "you" and we finally agree on something

Hmmm... Ok:

The greatest foolishness You ever pursued was the belief that You were not the one in the room who was a fool.

Is that better? I'm sorry you feel that way, but we don't agree. That's not at all what I think of you.

Two things I learned that made my life much better:

1) Dump idealism immediately. All it does is create stress that no one needs.

2) You will do terribly stupid things at times because you are human. Learn to laugh at but learn from those mistakes.

Those two have brought me more inner peace than anything else.

Ignorance is bliss. Alot of people get through life just fine based solely on what they know or believe. Trying to understand how other people work and think, or make them understand you is often just an exercise in futility. All you can really hope for is to be content in your own existence while it lasts.

Thought, beliefs and actions...There's more than one option that is right.

A nice piece of advice I got from a businessman friend a number of years ago, when I was faced with a rather large shop decision: "It doesn't really matter which way you decide. Both will be the right answer, because you will make the best of it."

Curmudgeon wrote: Two things I learned that made my life much better: 1) Dump idealism immediately. All it does is create stress that no one needs. 2) You will do terribly stupid things at times because you are human. Learn to laugh at but learn from those mistakes. Those two have brought me more inner peace than anything else.

Someone I know once told me that almost all human suffering comes from unmet expectations. Learn to just roll with whatever comes from starting the ball rolling.

I'm not sure I completely agree but it does have some ring of truth to it - atleast as far as my own attempts to influence the huge rolling ball of my life.