Personal reconciliation of ideas, beliefs and actions - a mid-life crisis story

ddavidv wrote: I actually think I understand Flight Service's vague and meandering post. He is fretting over things he was taught or told by others as being true yet sees hypocrisy in how these same people live their lives. As a result he has begun to question these things he has been taught (religion, politics, world view, that Miata is the answer to everything) and is coming up with his own conclusions that don't necessarily jibe with what he's been told all along. In short, he has begun to think for himself--finally--and is a little shocked at what he now sees as truth. This may be what people refer to as "finding themselves" without really knowing what it means. Congratulations, FS, for reaching this stage of life. It is a bit painful now but you will bask in the glow of this knowledge soon at which point you will be able to sit back, crack open a favorite beverage and watch those around you with amusement as they continue to live their personal lies. You need to understand that they have no clue how silly they are nor do they have any desire to know anything other than what they think they know. You won't be able to convince them they are wrong, or even to contemplate their beliefs hard enough to increase their faith. I have swallowed the metaphorical red pill. I have sought the knowledge and ultimately concluded that most of what I was taught about religion, politics, the opposite sex and many other things is wrong or distorted. Though I frequently have to keep my knowledge and beliefs to myself in polite company, ultimately I feel much more at peace with myself and the world around me these days. Instead of boorishly arguing with these other people I now enjoy life more. I may drop little nuggets in the hope they pick them up and explore but also accept that most folks are satisfied being sheep. Red Pill goes down bitter but the results are worth it.

80/20 rule yes, this. Except the Miata is the not the answer, you are wrong on that one. Everything else you said seems close, Although many have mentioned let it go and being at peace. I have been much more at peace after I started reconciling everything. Life is simpler, easier. The compass I use to run my life is much steadier. When I pick a side it flows. The number of compromises in life I have make are much less because how I construct my life and react to external forces are more in line.

Even with emotions, when we slow down and look at what is important and make decisions and budget for that (budget isn't just money, it is energy, time, effort, emotion, anything you have to spend) and you don't stress about those things that aren't on the list. If you do this long enough (which I am finally getting to) when most of the unexpected comes along you have to do very little to put it in line because you haven't been contradicting yourself.

It's nice to know that others are going down a similar path.

Are you doing a Facebook-esque "remove friends" of your personal life, or are you thinking/planning on making some big changes?

You can't stress yourself out hoping/trying/waiting for people to change. Sometimes that's why you've just gotta meet more people. Not necessarily ditch the old, just spread your attention around.

In reply to PHeller:

I have been cleaning house for a while now. I am more on the stage of judging the new people I meet if I want to spend any energy on a relationship.

Athol Kay writes in The Mindful Attraction Plan that you should remove emotional vampires from your life. This sounds like what you are trying to do. The MAP book is a short, inexpensive and easy read but it helps solidify much of what you are contemplating and gives you a road map to move forward. Some of us are already doing a MAP without actually knowing it has a name.

Most people who head down this path of self-discovery and reflection have a tipping point in their lives. Yours was sitting on a dock in Florida I believe. Mine was having two people I know succumb to Lou Gehrig disease and then taking a hard look at what I was doing with my own life. I was wasting far too much of it (still do, but I'm doing better). This is not limited to doing 'things' but also the people I spent time with and the effort expended to make people I don't know or don't like regard me favorably. Though I try not to be a complete a-hole I no longer care much what these others think of me. The effort required to try to appeal to them simply has no real reward.

Being true to myself and allowing me to be 'me' is very refreshing. Unintended consequence: people who really like me, and I like also, find me more appealing this way.

Whether we realize it or not we all have areas of our lives where we could be considered hypocritical. Life gets very complicated and sometimes it's hard to stay fully committed to a belief, and sometimes we know something is wrong and say berkeley it I want to do it anyway. There are a number of things I know I do that may seem hypocritical to others. Generally I have a reason and even if I didn't it really doesn't matter. I just need to know I did what I thought was right or needed to be done and as long as that's the case I don't worry about what anyone else thinks about me.

Yep. It's easier just to swallow the pill and live in the Matrix. But I can't.

bluej wrote: There's nothing so valuable in our lives as time. About the only thing that gets me truly upset with other people is when they waste mine. Conversely, I try very hard to respect the time of others. Everything else isn't worth the stress it brings to your life.

This, totally this. I'm tired of trading my time for gold. (I know I have to work;) and I like doing meaningful work, but I don't want to have to spend an extra four hours at the end of the day to run a little bit of product (which only would amount to about 10 dollars of profit to the company) to a customer that ran out because the salesman didn't stock them properly. As everyone says, "it's all overtime", but the thing is, I feel this major urge in me that my time (after an honest 40 hours work) is not for sale, at any price. I know I'll never be wildly successful monetarily with a mindset like that but that's ok. My life is not my work.

"Poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part"

Joey

Just this past week I heard this (I'm paraphrasing and adding a little of my own extrapolation):

Accept that life is absurd. It is those who think it has meaning who kill others. ISIS, the Crusades, you name it. Those that realize life is absurd are at peace. Be peaceful, my friend.

How ridiculous and what a stranger he is who is surprised at anything which happens in life.

-Marcus Aurelius

“I suppose if we couldn't laugh at things that don't make sense, we couldn't react to a lot of life.” - Bill Watterson