A physicist, a mathematician and an engineer are asked to determine the volume of a red ball.
The physicist takes the ball, submerges it in a beaker of water, measures the displacement of water and determines the volume.
The mathematician carefully measures the diameter, pulls out his calculator and calculates the volume.
The engineer flips the red ball over, scrawls down the model number and asks, "Has anyone seen my red ball catalog?"
If you are laughing right now, you are an engineer. If you are saying, "Huh?", don't worry about it.
monsterbronco wrote: The engineer flips the red ball over, scrawls down the model number and asks, "Has anyone seen my red ball catalog?"
There's gotta be a good way to work an Art Director into that joke. He would say something like "Does it have to be red? What are the choices? Nooo, none of those are right. I have some paint samples, can we get someone to paint the ball? I can't work like this."
A tanker truck full of vinegar is travelling at 55 mph southbound. On the same road travelling northbound is a tanker truck full of water that weighs the same travelling at 55 mph. What sound do they make when they collide?
vaguely related to physics:
a guy with no arms replies to a help-wanted ad to be a bell-ringer at the local church. "How do you plan to pull the rope with no arms," the preacher asks. "Watch me," the man proudly proclaims. He races toward the bell hitting it with his head, loses his balance, falls out of the bellfry to the street below, dead. A crowd gathers and one man asks, "Do you know that guy?" Another replies, "No, but his face rings a bell."
The next day, the deceased man's brother applies for the same job, also with no arms. The preacher asks, "How are you going to ring the bell with no arms?" The man simply says, "Watch me." He takes off running toward the bell, rams it with his head and loses his balance falling from the bellfry to the street below, dead. A crowd gathers and someone asks, "Do you know that guy?" Another replies, "Don't remember his name, but he's a dead ringer for his brother."
curtis73 wrote: A tanker truck full of vinegar is travelling at 55 mph southbound. On the same road travelling northbound is a tanker truck full of water that weighs the same travelling at 55 mph. What sound do they make when they collide?
dooooooooooooooooooooooooosh
curtis73 wrote: A tanker truck full of vinegar is travelling at 55 mph southbound. On the same road travelling northbound is a tanker truck full of water that weighs the same travelling at 55 mph. What sound do they make when they collide?
Is that physics or chemistry...or both. 
Yeah I had the same reaction.
Was it equal and opposite?
NOTE: Scott here at Grassroots: I totally just abused my admin powers in an accidental and stupid way: instead of quoting the "I had the same reaction" and posting my witty "Was it equal and opposite?" in my own response, I accidentally hit the EDIT button and destroyed whatever this post said in the first place. D'oh!
The optimist says the glass is half full.
The pessimist says the glass is half empty.
The engineer says the glass is twice as big as it should be.
An engineer friends on a new to him bike, all excited to tell the story of acquisition. He shared that he had been walking home when a beautiful woman rode up on the bike, dismounted, stripped, and said "help yourself".
"I didn't think the clothes would fit" he shared 
lizard wrote:monsterbronco wrote: If you are laughing right now, you are an engineer. If you are saying, "Huh?", don't worry about it.PE here...laughing my @ss off!
not a PE but I am a engineer and laughed when i first read it. thought some around here might find humor in it.
A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a man below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The man below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 42 and 44 degrees north latitude and between 83 and 85 degrees west longitude."
"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist. "I am," replied the man, "but how did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost."
The man below responded, "You must be a consultant." "I am," replied the balloonist, "how did you know?"
"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are exactly in the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."
My favorite - What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
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Mechanical Engineers make weapons. Civil Engineers make targets.
Toyman01 wrote:curtis73 wrote: A tanker truck full of vinegar is travelling at 55 mph southbound. On the same road travelling northbound is a tanker truck full of water that weighs the same travelling at 55 mph. What sound do they make when they collide?Is that physics or chemistry...or both.
I would say it is more geography.
Appleseed wrote: The optimist says the glass is half full. The pessimist says the glass is half empty. The engineer says the glass is twice as big as it should be.
Those at a bar ask who's been drinking all their beer.
monsterbronco wrote: A physicist, a mathematician and an engineer are asked to determine the volume of a red ball. The physicist takes the ball, submerges it in a beaker of water, measures the displacement of water and determines the volume. The mathematician carefully measures the diameter, pulls out his calculator and calculates the volume. The engineer flips the red ball over, scrawls down the model number and asks, "Has anyone seen my red ball catalog?" If you are laughing right now, you are an engineer. If you are saying, "Huh?", don't worry about it.
I've used that idea to solve assignments in school... and yes, I am laughing right now
What does a dyne-cm say?
Erg.
DILYSI Dave wrote: Mechanical Engineers make weapons. Civil Engineers make targets.
I work for a civil engr'ing firm; we do, among other things, wastewater projects (treatment, conveyance, bla bla). The old saying goes, "It may be E36 M3 to you, but to us it's our bread and butter."
BTW, red ball joke = LOL
I have a buddy who does similar wastewater work. He claims that their firm makes sure that water still runs downhill.
Appleseed wrote: The optimist says the glass is half full. The pessimist says the glass is half empty. The engineer says the glass is twice as big as it should be.
The geologist says the darned glass ain't nearly big enough. Also, gimme anudder. Hic.
lizard wrote: An engineer and a mathematician are lined up at one end of the university basketball arena. A beautiful and wiling naked member of the opposite sex is at the other end. The "nerds" are instructed to progress towards the "hottie" at 1/2 the separating distance each time the whistle blows.
My calculus professor in engineering school used a variation on this one in class (this was back in the fall of 1974, if I remember correctly): "You're sitting at one end of the couch and your girlfriend is sitting at the other. You move half way across the couch to her, then half that distance, then half that distance and so on. Theoretically you'll never get to the other end of the couch, but you'll get close enough for all practical purposes."
Not a joke, but my favorite saying from my college professors - the three steps to a successful design are:
Make it work
Make it simple
Make it pretty.
jrw1621 wrote: I have a buddy who does similar wastewater work. He claims that their firm makes sure that water still runs downhill.
I'm an electrical engineer at a civil engineering firm. My job is to figure out how to make the water run uphill. 
I work at health insurance. According to my customers my job is to prevent them from getting better by denying their treatment, thereby preventing them from checking on the direction of said water.
Jay wrote:Appleseed wrote: The optimist says the glass is half full. The pessimist says the glass is half empty. The engineer says the glass is twice as big as it should be.The geologist says the darned glass ain't nearly big enough. Also, gimme anudder. Hic.
STOP PLATE TECTONICS!
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