Prescription Painkiller Addictions: How To Tell?

I should add that if the reason she's a massive shiny happy person is due to an undiagnosed mental illness...it's probably never going to get diagnosed or treated in this situation, and without the realistic possibility of some corrective action, the cause of her behavior is an academic issue. She's not going to get professional help on your request, or on the request of anyone else in the family as they condone her behavior. From your point of view you'll still be bending over backwards for an shiny happy person who will continue to be an shiny happy person regardless of why she's an shiny happy person.

TLDR version: The family is enabling her problem, whatever it is, and you should leave her to them regardless.

Wait, is she part of your family or your wife's?

I have fought with the conflict of having to back away from family and feeling like a bad person for it.

It was undoubtedly the right thing to do and I was able to somewhat reapproach after a few years have passed while maintaining a distance.

My wife has had to back off from her extended family because of a cesspool of drama, I didnt influence her decisions, but supported her through them.

If its your wife's family giving you this crap you are going to need to really work out the approach with her. It's probably a good idea even if its your family to preempt her being caught in the middle somehow.

Feels terrible to decide you want no part of a family member and it takes a lot of resolve, but sometimes it is the only answer.

Blood may be thick, but its no reason to tolerate being used and abused.

I never really made it clear, but she is my sister.

I am at the point where I'm just going to have to live with the fact that there's nothing I can do to fix things. I can only worry about myself. Like others have said, she will need to hit rock bottom before things get better. Unfortunately, it's been a bottomless pit she has been falling down for years.

The "family" I was referring to are my parents. I feel bad for them, especially lately. They have been through the ringer, with my dad getting in a bad car accident and having reconstructive eye surgery as a result. They are getting older and afraid that my sister and I will have a strained relationship when they are gone. Both sides of my parents' families are full of stuff like this. No one talks to each other anymore, and they didn't want this to happen to my sister and I.

Unfortunately, that's where this is heading. The lying and emotional abuse that she puts people through is just something I'm not going to entertain anymore. She blames it all on me, my wife, and anyone else that she can throw under the bus. My parents have bought into it too because she is conveniently "helping". Their biggest sticking point lately: the doctors recommended renting a piece of medical equipment for my dad after the accident. Insurance would reimburse the cost. My sister decided to pay for it, and she guilt tripped me for not paying for it, because in her delusional world, I am rich and hiding it from my family. She then guilt tripped me for not going over on short notice after it was delivered to set up the equipment. I had plans that night and was already going there first thing in the morning to help out with a bunch of other stuff. Even so, I called my parents and asked if they wanted me to break the plans and go. They said that my dad was going to bed and didn't need the equipment that night anyway, so not to bother.

In my conversation with them yesterday, I was crucified for "choosing my dog over my dad" because my sister told them I had chosen to take my dog to training over helping my dad. I ended up going out with my wife that night, and it had nothing to do with my dog! And they said it was fine at the time!

Whether she is addicted to pills, or has a personality order, I am choosing not to deal with it anymore. There's nothing I will be able to do to help her. No one is willing to help her, and I'll always be the bad guy. This is some deep rooted E36 M3. Ugh.

Oooof. Blood or not, you don't need that drain on your life.

Wow man, didn't realize it was as close as your sister. Sorry to hear that

The older of my two younger sisters had some serious emotional issues going on for a long while, spanning the latter part of high school all the way up through college for her. I still don't know exactly what her diagnosis was, as she and my parents never cared to share it with my younger younger sister and I, but there's a strong possibility a personality disorder could have been at play in addition to the more obvious anxiety/depression/anger/paranoia/ect.

It SUCKED to deal with, big time. She would constantly steal stuff from me and my other sister, accuse us of things we never did, and generally look for every opportunity possible to create conflict and pit the rest of the family against each other. Whenever she was home, the rest of the house was constantly on pins and needles in anticipation of the next blowup. She made herself completely impossible to deal with at any time on any level, and younger younger sister and I basically spent the better part of 5-6 years doing our best to avoid her entirely. We couldn't have helped if we had wanted to, all she wanted to do was create conflict and anyone who engaged her in any way was only enabling that.

My parents, fortunately, saw the situation for what it was pretty early on and started her down the path of professional help, but she completely destroyed the relationship my other sister and I had with her. The past 2-3 years have been a lot better, but the damage has been done. Younger younger sister and I still tend to keep her at arms length, as if we're still anticipating conflict, whether from forced habit or from still picking up on hostile vibes. I hope to repair the relationship one day, but it's clear it will take a very long time.

Regardless of whether your sister's problems are the result of drug addiction or psychological issues or both, one thing is clear: Her situation is beyond the point of the lay person being able to handle it and it's time for professional help. If you can't get everyone else to buy into that, I don't know what else you can do. But I think at this point you need to realize that your involvement is only providing fodder for her, and its time to back away. Hopefully she is able to get herself right again and you can repair the relationship down the road.

Being sibs changes things... a lot. Are there other sibs? Your prof says 34 y/o, there's time to sort things out but eventually you'll probably need to get on the same page w/ her as well as your parents. Your dad's condition is one thing, as if that wasn't enough but later in life elder care and end life is a whole nuther can of worms. Start planning now, you won't regret it.

Living wills, power of attorney, estate etc. Start the discussion now, hash it out. Last thing you'd ever want is a questionable person to have POA not just for you but for your parents ultimate benefit. Sis seems like your parents fav kid as they defend her so. Would they really trust a possible addict or disordered child to oversee their later years and care? From the previous posts I'd never trust her w/ any involvement whatsoever.

You have time to mend things.

Sorry man. I'm glad it's not your wife.

Does the sister live with the folks?

You may wish to attend an alanon or naranon meeting or two some time. Dealing with a alcoholic or drug-addicted spouse/sibling/etc are what they are about.

http://al-anon.org/

http://www.nar-anon.org/

foxtrapper wrote: You may wish to attend an alanon or naranon meeting or two some time. Dealing with a alcoholic or drug-addicted spouse/sibling/etc are what they are about. http://al-anon.org/ http://www.nar-anon.org/

Agreed. This helped my mother a lot when initially dealing with my father. Fortunately, my father was never physically or emotionally abusive towards me when my parents were together, so my relationship with him as I was growing up wasn't as toxic as being married to him.

I feel for you. When I walked away from my father I had two things that made it easier for me: distance (him in Richmond, VA vs. me near Philly, PA) and the support of my mother (who still lives near me in PA).

Agreed. It'll help you get over the guilt you're feeling at putting some distance between you. It's impossible to reason with an addict, learning how to construct healthy boundaries is the best thing you can do for yourself.