PSA- please prepare for the inevitable

And by that, I mean death.

We all die, can't avoid that what so ever.  Sometimes it's sudden and tragic.  Sometimes it's a slow disease and really painful.  And many times it's just that people get old and they run out of energy.

It's always sad.  Always.  Some cultures celebrate your life.  Some it's just wearing black for a long time.  We miss who is lost.

It seems that many never want to talk about it.  And never prepare for it.  I get that, it's a hard subject.  But for the sake of your estate, and their mourning, please take some burden off of their shoulders and prepare for it.  More than once, I've seen the chaos and confusion that can last a long time-and people should not have to add all of that to an already bad state of mind.

I will suggest a legal will or a trust depending on your situation.  Again, it's not to avoid the family fights over stuff, it's to avoid the confusion and probate court that just takes time, stretching the hard part of death out really long.  

Please check your state requirement and find a way to have a will or trust.  You love your family- this is for them, not for you.

In reply to alfadriver :

Nicely stated!

Nobody gets out of life alive, make the hard times easier for those that are left.

12/10 stars for this message.

Well said. 
 

(I'm meeting with my attorney tomorrow)

I agree a thousand percent. A little bit of effort on our part while we're alive will save our families so much unneeded stress.

My girlfriend is a vocal death positive person. Not that dying is good in anyway but that it should be taboo to talk about and more importantly prepare for. We're all going to die. 

FlL had a trust, it helped a lot after he was gone.  It convinced me to get one, a couple days of planning for what happens if you die now or in the future is especially important if you have kids of any age.   I know what happens to them if I die today and if the next three people in line go with me.  Feels strange for a minute as if you are making a plan to die but that part works its self out.

Also, get rid of stuff while you're physically and mentally capable of it.

I'm the baby of the family and expect to take months going through generations of things that have accumulated.

akylekoz said:

FlL had a trust, it helped a lot after he was gone.  It convinced me to get one, a couple days of planning for what happens if you die now or in the future is especially important if you have kids of any age.   I know what happens to them if I die today and if the next three people in line go with me.  Feels strange for a minute as if you are making a plan to die but that part works its self out.

It was weird and uncomfortable, for sure.  But after we finished, it was very relaxing.  Kind of lifted a burden off of us- especially since we don't have kids.

Without getting into all of it, we are bracing for a terrible time with all this on my wife's side. Between misconceptions on how an estate should be split up to flat-out stated ill wishes, it is going to be a mess. Step-MIL won't allow FIL to set up a will, and we've had to remind him that when he says "I want you to have [] or []" we can't actually take it if step-MIL doesn't gift it to us. Both are in poor health, but his is poorer. Then there's the hoarding aspect. My wife tries to help, but she can't do much from 600 miles away. We've explained to them that they've accumulated so much stuff, more will get thrown out than kept. There's a real chance that the cost of actually clearing out everything will largely negate the value of the things we'd keep since we'd probably have to contract out most of the removal. An estate sale doesn't work well when the estate has two rooms *not* filled with boxes.  

They're looking at hospice now for grand-MIL. Take a wild guess if she has a will... 

For our kids, we outlined custody in the will as well as a trust to be established. 

I have two  3" wide binders with all my financial information that I keep up to date AKA my death information.  If I die today you can get all you need in these binders.  

In reply to alfadriver :

Well said.  My wife and I set up a trust close to 10 years ago now and yes it is indeed a very humbling experience.  My wife had dealt with her parent's estate and we wanted to make sure things were as orderly as possible for our kids when it's our turn.  We've also been watching close friends that have been dealing with a nightmare estate settlement in their family that's going into a third year now.  No thanks.

I finally convinced my parents early this year to get their estate into a trust, my mother was resisting hard.  It took a bit of persistence but she actually thanked me after they had met with the attorney. Prior to that they had a will from when my sister and I were still in high school, better than nothing I guess but we're all at a different stage of life.  I'm grateful that they listened and put things together.

Yeah, we’ve had “the talk” with my folks and everything’s down on paper. 

In reply to Datsun240ZGuy :

My Mom had binders too. They are NOT a substitute for wills, trusts, TODs, and proper estate planning. 
 

Edit: And if you are blessed to live to be 88 like my Mom was, I PROMISE those binders won't be anywhere close to current regardless of how good you think you've maintained them. 

Pretty sure the Lizard King was an authority on estate planning.

In reply to SV reX :

I'm not saying they were.  I'm saying all the paperwork is in one spot to look at. 

In reply to Datsun240ZGuy :

Just checking. 
 

My Mom's binders were completely outdated (though she thought they were current).
 

My Dad had binders too. His were utter nonsense. 

I've known my father-in-law for 42 years now and I've been a son to him. Recently I asked about a CD he had and I asked how much he had in it and he wouldn't tell me.  Not close enough to him yet?

This is s good topic cause there's too much confusion and secrecy with families and financials and people final wishes.

If you do not have a trust then the government gets a bigger piece and gets to decide how to break up your estate. If that does not put the fear of god in you then you better have a negative net worth. 

Even at my estate size it ony cost around 2.5k to get done and mine is not easy to put on paper. Normal person should be 500$. 

I had a front row seat to one of these situations. My ex wife fought cancer for 4 hard years and died at the age of 41.......With....no....will....or...anything...

Such a huge and collosal mess she left for our two underage daughters when she passed. I couldn't imagine fighting stage 4 cancer for four years and not getting things in order, but she did.

My current wife and myself went to a local family attorney and got all of our poop in a group. It didn't cost much at all and it was quick and easy.  I sleep better at night.

Always make sure to have a good friend who can be trusted to stop by after your demise and wipe the browser history on your computer.

Because of guardianship paperwork the state makes my in laws do every year, my wife goes over to her parents house and gets the death box speech. The death box has a "start here" folder with all the body management paperwork and an index of the rest of the information. The fact that the paperwork for the sister in law needs submitted annually is the impetus for the annual updating of the box which leads to the updating of the wife on new standings of the box.

Though, if SIL goes first and grandpa goes second, by the time grandma goes, that box will not have been maintained and quickly decrease in value.

My mom and I did our wills together...  We used the same lawyer/former mayor of her town that also married her and my stepdad.  I also did the donate body to science, have a card in my wallet for the local college in Dayton to claim whatever is left of my bits.  (Also an organ donor, so they can fight it out after I'm gone.)  No need for a $$$ funeral and taking up another piece of landscape.

I met with my financial advisor yesterday.  I already have a will, but she mentioned also setting up my bank accounts and house with 'transfer on death' features to avoid issues with probates.  I'm going to look into it.

I've had (and maintain) a will since the ripe old age of 19. My wife and I have had a trust set up for almost as long. 

It takes such a short amount of your time to set everything up, the only reason I can think people don't do it is because it's "taboo" or some E36 M3. 

'Course, going places where people want to kill you on a regular basis tends to rearrange your priorities a bit.

Just do the damn work.

Just don't do what my father in law did. 4 years ago for Xmas my wife received a big envelope that contained a professional headshot of her Dad, his will, power of attorney, and the trusts and everything else she'll need as executor of the estate. 

Good to be prepared, not the best Xmas gift in the world.

Maybe don't do what my grandfather did either, and lie to your dying son and the only grandchild who ever was around and ever helped around the house that they'd be taken care of, then give everything to the useless son and other grandchildren who were never around and don't know which end of a screwdriver to hold.

I need to update my will since I got married. I setup a basic one when my kid was born, but marriage has complicated things a little bit. Not like I have anything to bequeath, but having my end of line plan on paper is kind of important, and since chemo, the organ donation bits need changed. 

Can someone elaborate what exactly is involved?

Every account I have, I have listed my son as the beneficiary.  Is a will doing essentially the same thing + a few physical assets?

How often must you update one?