PSA- please prepare for the inevitable

In reply to TravisTheHuman :

Call an estate attorney and tell them you want to setup a will.

Can be as basic as "everything goes to my kid, full legal name" or as elaborate as necessary. Or in my grandfather's case, his will just said "see the trust" because trusts are private (until the estate tax return is filled) and will's are public, and he was dividing up $8 million in assets he didn't want anyone to know about between 6-8 people.

Being listed as a beneficiary is good, but, talk to an attorney and see if changing that to a trust would be a better tax move for the kid.

Update as needed. Got remarried? More kids? Financial windfall? Decide berkeley the family, everything goes to X church or Z charity? Update then.

Make sure someone knows where it is, and when you update, let them know. I don't have E36 M3, but there's a copy of mine in the gun safe, my mom has a copy, and my best friend has a copy. If I kept a lawyer on retainer, they'd have a copy too. The courts will enforce the most recent date when the time comes. 

TravisTheHuman said:

Can someone elaborate what exactly is involved?

Every account I have, I have listed my son as the beneficiary.  Is a will doing essentially the same thing + a few physical assets?

It sounds like the will/death situation is different in some respects than our country, but when my Mom died, everything I was beneficiary on went straight to me, no questions asked, and it had nothing to do with the will.

My Mom worked in the cemetery business for 20 years. Her will was up to date, and her funeral pre-planned and prepaid. I highly suggest you do that.

My FIL died suddenly in his 50's, left a significant estate, and little to no information. MIL had a lot of work to do, and wasn't happy about it. So when she died we found out that she had a will and made her attorney the executor. There was absolutely nothing for us to do except wait. It was good and bad. It was very expensive, and it took a year to settle. OTOH, we didn't have to do anything.

In reply to TravisTheHuman :

In theory, you can also do a simple one with some apps and/or on line.  But I'd suggest going to an attorney, too.  They will learn your situation and explain why the version they are suggesting is the best one- trust or will.

The other thing they will tell you is what happens when you die to your estate in the very short term- some areas will freeze everything- so even a joint bank account will be frozen.  This, of course, is to prevent the estate from draining it before everyone is found- but it also has the side effect of making hard to pay for all of the debts of the estate.  If you and your heirs can plan for that bad day, make you can make sure that the money isn't frozen immediately (banks find out later- so you can transfer the money the same day).

I'm sure there's more to the frequency of reviewing it, but one should also do it when the situation changes- someone moves needs contact info changed, someone dies- heirs change, someone gets bad- heirs change, etc.

The biggest thing I wanted to point out was to be prepared.  Letting the state deal with it is just painful, and your estate will partially be given to people you don't want to get it.  And the confusion for your estate to even know what to do- where to be buried, cremation or not, what bills need to be paid, etc.  Imagine someone putting a lien on the estate because they didn't know about a loan you took- that would be pretty terrifying for them.

My dad passed a few weeks ago. He and mom both had wills, funeral plans, grave plots, etc. All of that pre planning allowed me to spend time with family and friends remembering my dad. That was priceless. 
 

If you really hate your family don't do a will or plan anything. 

Any suggestions for finding an attorney that handles this stuff other than Googling "estate law near me"? I've never had nor needed a lawyer in my life (thankfully), so I don't even know how to start to find a good one.

alfadriver said:

 Letting the state deal with it is just painful, and your estate will partially be given to people you don't want to get it.  

Can you elaborate on this part?  Why would anyone other than my next of kin/beneficiary get it?

I'm with you on the be prepared, I need to do this.   

Reminds me of https://getyourE36 M3together.org/ which is full of resources

EDIT, profanity filter wont even let me link to it, wtf.

In reply to TravisTheHuman :

Some of the estate will have to directed to pay for the probate court that is done without a will or trust.  And to the lawyer that represents the estate.  It's less expensive to pay a lawyer for a will/trust than to pay for probate.

Ah that makes sense.  Thanks.

In reply to Tom_Spangler (Forum Supporter) :

We had a will written about... 15? 20? years ago.

DW worked for a large corporation and one of the optional benefits was legal services.  We took that option for the year and used one of the attorneys they recommended.

If you (or a family member) has access to an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) they may be able to recommend an estate attorney for you.

Duke said:

In reply to Tom_Spangler (Forum Supporter) :

We had a will written about... 15? 20? years ago.

DW worked for a large corporation and one of the optional benefits was legal services.  We took that option for the year and used one of the attorneys they recommended.

If your (or a family member) has an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) they may be able to recommend an estate attorney for you.

 

Ah, good point. I'll check into that. It wouldn't surprise me if the Large German Conglomerate has something similar.

Was just reminded of another reason to be prepared- to prevent leeches from making claims on your estate.   Holy cow, can people be greedy.  

You have to make sure that nobody who you don't want access get anything.  

A legit will from a lawyer here is $300. It's not a lot of money. 

My MIL passed away last year after an 11 year battle with Ovarian cancer.  She and my FIL were in solid financial shape, and she went over everything with my wife a few months beforehand.  Very thankful my wife took notes when they talked, my BIL unfortunately did not.  There were a lot of complications that took time to work out.   Thankfully my wife and I both have a great relationship with her father/my FIL, but it was still stressful sorting things out.  We probably spent about 20 hours a week over the first few months sorting things out.  That amount has dwindled over time, but it still takes time.  I can't even imagine doing all that with friction between personalities, financial stress, disagreements over approaches, etc.

Here's a list of things to think about:

- Don't rush to notify everyone - we were locked out of accounts, had credit cards go to collections because they were closed before we could pay off the balance, etc.  It was a mess, and customer service is frustrating at best.

- Understand the titles on your cars, we try to do joint ownership (or) if possible

- As much as possible, consolidate accounts.  While one spouse may be adept at moving money around between all the accounts, the other may have no idea.

- Make sure each spouse knows where all the accounts are, understands the system, etc.  I think it's common for one spouse to run the show, but it's dangerous if that spouse passes first.  Autopay is your friend.

- Make sure each spouse has at least one credit card and one debit card where they're the primary cardholder

- Document, document, document.  My MIL was probably the most organized person I know, and there were still significant holes in her system.

- Usernames and passwords in this day and age are critical. My MIL had always kept notebook, but thankfully told me days before she passed that the up-to-date passwords were all in an app on her phone

Another tip from my experience-- 

Make sure you can use and keep decedent's phone active until you're confident you no longer need it for two factor identification. 
 

Forwarding all calls to that phone to your number is something else I also found handy. Forwarding all texts would be great too, but I never figured out how to do that. 

Some of the best advice we got was from the manager of her bank branch. He suggested that, if she trusts me, I be made joint on all her day to day accounts. That way if anything happens I still have access, and I don't have to use the POA which can be a pain.

It made everything so much easier. Once she could no longer look after herself I was able to pay for anything that came up without any hassles.

Make no mistake, banks are shiny happy people.

Had to take an emergency trip a few months ago to help my dad.  Took the opportunity to review all the paperwork that he and my mom have set up.  Went to the attorney and made several changes and got me added as a trustee and on the bank accounts.  

I'm sure I'm missing things but at least I'm better off now than before....