REALLY FUNNY!

the following is completely useless, but i heard a funny joke today that i thought some of you guys may also find funny.

jokester: whats the speed limit on sex?

me: what?

jokester: 68, because if you go 69, you'll eat it

Not that funny..

What's 68?

You do me, and I owe you one.

How do you know when a moth farts?

It flies straight.

how do you make a handkerchief dance?

put a little boogie in it

Whats brown and sticky?

A stick.

What did Spock find in the toilet of the Starship Enterprise?

The Captain's Log.

Why is 77 better than 69?

It is 8 more.

Sex speed limit is 68, because at 69 someone blows a rod.

WARNING SEXIST JOKE AHEAD

Q. Why do women complain so much?

A. They don't burp, fart or sweat so if they don't bitch they'll explode.

END SEXIST JOKE

My 4 year olds favorite.

Why did the chewing gum cross the road?

It was stuck to the chickens foot.

Jensenman wrote: Q. Why do women complain so much? A. They don't burp, fart or sweat so if they don't bitch they'll explode.

Thank you sir. I'll take that one to the grave with me.

+1

what do you call a boomerang that won't come back ?

a stick

what does a gay horse eat?

HAAAYYYYY!!!

I keep reading about Cordory pillows in the news... they keep making headlines

Q: Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70?

A: When she gets to 69, she gets a frog in her throat.

porksboy wrote: Whats brown and sticky? A stick.

That's my sister-in-law's favorite joke. She'll tell it 3 or 4 times during the course of a 30-minute conversation.

how do you know your girlfreind is getting to fat?

she can fit into your wifes choths....

what did the famer say when he come out and found his tractor gone?

where's my tractor

what is the grossest things in the world?

two simonese twins joined at the month and one barfs....

sorry had to toss a few out ehere

about the siamese twins, i think i saw a video a little bit like that involving two young ladies and a cup

About the siamese twins, i think i saw a movie a little bit like that involving a few people surgically conjoined called "Human Centipede."

were they barfing?

A guy breaks down at the side of the road. Get gets out, pops the hood, and tries to find the problem. Being the expert mechanic he is, he figures out the problem.

Just then a drunk staggers up to him and asks, "Wassa, (hic), wassa m,m,m,matter, mister?"

The driver tells him "Piston broke" The drunk looks at him with surprise and exclaims "Me Too!"

Eskimo pulls his smoking snowmobile into the shop for diagnosis. Mechanic says "Looks like you've blown a seal."

Eskimo gets huffy and says "Leave my personal life out of this and tell me what's wrong with the damn thing!"

I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age. A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be 80?' He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?' 'Oh no,' I replied.. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!' Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs? 'I said, 'Not much... my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!' 'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?' 'No, I don't,' I said. He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?' 'No,' I said. He looked at me and said,... 'Then, why do you even give a E36 M3?

wbjones wrote: what do you call a boomerang that won't come back ? a stick

BWHAHAHAAAAA...awesome. thanks for that one.

A WWII vet comes in to talk with grade school students about flying in the war. He proceeds to tell how on one mission, "There were Fokkers on the left and Fokkers on the right!" The History teacher interrupts him to state that the Germans didn't use Fokkers in the war. The Old pilot gets steelie eyed and says, "There were motherfokkers on the left and motherfokkers on the right and them fokkers was MESSERSCHMIDTS!"