Reinventing yourself in your 60s

ddavidv said:

Curtis mentioned therapy. While he's not wrong, I was successful in working things out on my own by riding motorcycle. Yes, really. It was not an intentional substitute, but it's been very effective. There is a saying that you'll never see a motorcycle parked in front of a therapist's office. Probably not completely true, but there is something to it. 

Both hour-long and days-long rides have given me time to myself. Coccooned inside my helmet, I can have that conversation with myself and work stuff out. I am my therapist. I'm sure it won't work for everyone, but it did for me. Sure, I may benefit from therapy still, but I was able to step back from some pretty major problems and see them objectively. It helped me make career decisions. It allowed me to see why I should stay in my marriage. I gained clarity that I was not actually carrying a torch for a long-ago girlfriend and instead wanted the life she was living because she had the daughter I never had. All for the price of a few gallons of fuel. 

There is something about the riding process that allows this. I believe it is the brain's software running quietly in the background keeping the bike upright and using the various controls. Being inside a helmet removes most of the outside noises (and I never listen to music or have a phone connected). Riding through good scenery at a serene speed, with my senses somewhat dulled by the helmet, allows the thinking part of my brain to tackle the heavier problems without interference. While it hasn't saved my life (I was never that troubled) it certainly has saved my marriage and made me a better, happier person. 

Same thing for me, except substitute bicycles. Three hours per day. Lots of time to work through stuff. Ancillary benefit, much improved physical fitness as a reward.

We are all "Actors" in this life. We spend our lives in the "Fake it till you make" it role called life.

While we tend to think that actors are in the game for the money, if you think back to where they got into the game, that is not true. They got in for the applause. That's the heroin. Sadly few actors get to go on for the rest of their lives following this path and we learn to act in  work and relationship roles that don't provide the applause that we crave. We settle for what we can get, usually money and sex.

Re-inventing yourself is going to involve not only you but the room you play to. 

I have never been to a therapist, but I was unknowingly sent on a mock job interview by a job placement company that evaluated me and provided feedback. It was quite uncomfortable to hear about how I really came off as an eager new graduate looking for a job.  Not even sure it was legal. But it did open my eyes to my "performance" and I have used that insight ever since to focus my role.

A friend and I had a similar conversation earlier this year. He recommended this book and it was interesting. I'm not quite ready to downshift (2nd kid has 3-4 years of college left) but it is interesting to think about "what's next".

https://www.google.com/books/edition/From_Strength_to_Strength/aHgZEAAAQBAJ?hl=en&gbpv=0

Kreb (Forum Supporter) said:

Perhaps the best thing that I've done for myself the last couple of years is to hire a good personal trainer. So I'm with you guys 100 percent on that.

At the risk of sounding melodramatic or morose, I feel like I've wasted a lot of my life, and I do not wish for that to continue during the rest of my productive time on earth. So I'm looking for perspective and inspiration on how to become a better and more fulfilled individual. What has worked for you guys who have fought similar battles? Where do you draw inspiration from? How do you stay focused, and not lose track in the day-to-day grind? "Reinvention" is probably too strong a term. 

Look out, cause here comes some free advice. 

1. I would give the therapist another shot, especially because you have done well with a personal trainer. Be picky and cycle through a few of them, and do your homework on what methods/techniques might work for you. The human mind is the most complicated "machine" you can work on, and it really does help to have a professional sometime.

2. Much of my fulfillment comes from my relationship to others-friends I do things with, family I love, people I've mentored and others that I've worked with in a volunteering capacity. This idea was reinforced in a book I'm reading called "The Good Life" that is based on a 80+ year longitudinal study of men from the pre-war years up till now.

You haven't wasted your life. You're going to do an even better job of not wasting it in the next 20-40 years, so get after it!