Self assessments

I am having to fill one of these out at work and does anyone else think they may be the stupidest things ever made?

Sure, just about anything thought up by the HR department is a good candidate

"I'd say in a given week I probably only do about fifteen minutes of real, actual work."

"Where do you want to be in five years?"

Retired.

Ours actually got more complex over time, from merely irritating in 2000 to infuriating in 2010. I think what I hate worse is the meeting you have when your boss tells you how you've evaluated yourself incorrectly. "Then why don't you evaluate me in the first place, and quit wasting my time with this stuff, hmm?"

I personally think it's just a scam to keep performance scores artificially low so that they don't have to hand out pay raises.

They fired you five years ago and no one bothered to tell you. There was a glitch in the payroll department.

stuart in mn wrote: "Where do you want to be in five years?"

An easy question compared to "where do you think you'll be in X years" commonly asked in interviews. I've always wanted to answer that one honestly:

"I don't have any psychic abilities, if that's what you're asking."

"What would you say...ya do here?"

GameboyRMH wrote:

stuart in mn wrote: "Where do you want to be in five years?"

An easy question compared to "where do you think you'll be in X years" commonly asked in interviews. I've always wanted to answer that one honestly: "I don't have any psychic abilities, if that's what you're asking."

Yeah I got that one.

'Don't say doin your wife, don't say doin your wife, don't say doin your wife...'
"Doin your... Uhhh son?"

"where do you see yourself in 5 years?"

"Doing your job after a severe head injury and 3 years of rehabilitation and training. Why do you ask?"

Naga... Naga... Not gonna work here anymore

Have fun with it. Fill it out like a boss (NSFW!)

alex wrote: "What would you say...ya do here?"

I HAVE PEOPLE SKILLS!!!!

N Sperlo wrote: 'Don't say doin your wife, don't say doin your wife, don't say doin your wife...' "Doin your... Uhhh son?"

Aaaaahhhh damnit. Beat me to it.

I just got through with the first annual review that had one of these factored in. It also happened to be one of two "bad reviews" I've had in 35+ years. The "problem" is our work has fallen off the past several months (no surprise) and I haven't been as busy (my utilization rate sux). So I now have special projects to work on when I'm not billable.

The worst question I was ever asked during an interview was " what is the worst thing you've ever done wrong and how would you change it? I simply froze and couldn't come up with a decent answer. To this day I still don't have an answer.

In reply to spitfirebill:

The company doesn't bring in enough business to keep you working (I'm assuming that's their job, not yours), so you get to do busy work? That sounds utterly infuriating.

Man, I'm glad I've never had to work in a cube farm. I'd seriously rather dig ditches for pennies.

alex wrote: In reply to spitfirebill: The company doesn't bring in enough business to keep you working (I'm assuming that's their job, not yours), so you get to do busy work? That sounds utterly infuriating. Man, I'm glad I've never had to work in a cube farm. I'd seriously rather dig ditches for pennies.

I don't have a cube, I'm actually in an office. I used to spend about 50% of my time out of the office. For years work has walked in the door and I had a really hard time keeping up. So we never marketed this service line. BTW, we have sales people out the wazoo. They just sell other services. I was told during the review that I need to become self sufficient.

spitfirebill wrote: The worst question I was ever asked during an interview was " what is the worst thing you've ever done wrong and how would you change it? I simply froze and couldn't come up with a decent answer. To this day I still don't have an answer.

Proper response is I killed my old boss. what I'd do differently... Use more lime.

They are stupid, and they are a cop-out on management's part. They play to most people's propensity to want to appear honest and to be their own harshest critics.

As a boss that used to administer these I suggest you do not admit to any shortcomings or weaknesses. Assess yourself as being the ideal employee-- put down your accomplishments, ignore your mistakes, and generally make it sound like you walk on water.

When you do a self-assessment you are essentially forced to negotiate your rating. You say what you think you deserve and the boss negotiates you down (generally) from there. If you assess yourself as mediocre, for example, then either he will agree with you or push you down to below average. He has to make everyone fit on a bell curve and is looking for someone to put towards the bottom (which is stupid, too, but that's another issue).

If you start at the top rating, at worst, the boss will point out a few short-comings and negotiate you down to better than average. If you really suck, then you're going to be considered delusional, but you were on your way out, anyway.

Basil Exposition wrote: They are stupid, and they are a cop-out on management's part. They play to most people's propensity to want to appear honest and to be their own harshest critics.

Really? I figured people would give themselves a glowing review. Maybe that is just me.

Sounds like an Honesty test, which I can lie about all day.

stuart in mn wrote: "Where do you want to be in five years?"

I hate this question because it seems to reward ambition more than ability or enthusiasm. What do I want to be doing in five years? The job I applied for, but be the best in the building at it.

Perhaps ambition is the only kind of enthusiasm "the suits" understand?

spitfirebill wrote: The worst question I was ever asked during an interview was " what is the worst thing you've ever done wrong and how would you change it? I simply froze and couldn't come up with a decent answer. To this day I still don't have an answer.

Correct answer:

Lied about the worst thing I've ever done on a self-evaluation test. I would make up a more creative lie next time.

93EXCivic wrote:

Basil Exposition wrote: They are stupid, and they are a cop-out on management's part. They play to most people's propensity to want to appear honest and to be their own harshest critics.

Really? I figured people would give themselves a glowing review. Maybe that is just me.

You'd be surprised. Actually, the way it works in practice is that your highest performers tend to be most self-critical (though women much, much more than men) and your worst performers are either entirely clueless about how bad they are or lie their asses off. I don't know what that says about you.

Point is, the process sucks because it forces the employee and the boss into a confrontation about it (rather than a coaching role) and it becomes a negotiation rather than a performance tool. The boss will be relieved if he doesn't have to knock anybody down so he is hoping most folks will acknowledge their poor or mediocre performance so he doesn't have to tell you that you aren't all that golden and that he doesn't have to worry about you asking for a raise. Or on the flipside, he gets to tell you that you are better than you think you are.

It's a game. It isn't in your self-interest to rate yourself anything but stellar. Make the boss tell you where you stand. Best case, he accepts "stellar", worst case, you're "above average."