Significant Others...hmmmmm

Karl La Follette wrote: We just celebrated our 20 th anniversary and its all hills and valleys . Working together and being married has been a fun challenge . My advice would be to get an older women that has cash . Be the stud and look for a cougar . Try the Moose clubs or Elks or eagles find some half way decent looking chick that daddy has just kicked the bucket . Waterfront if possible check and see how big her lawn is to cut << both of them >> and have fun . Old girls with cash make you forget all your problems .

I knew I was doing it wrong. I did marry an older women (6years) but she didn't have any money and grew up without alot that we take for granted. She's from Korea. It was kinda cool buying things that we take for granted but it was the first time having it for her. Things like a car and a house. I bought her 1st doll when we got married and she was 30 then. She's hard on the kids about education since she didn't have the chance for one after 6th grade. Now days though she's driving me crazy buying and stockpiling because we can afford it now. I keep telling her she doesn't have to stockpile the food, we'll always have an income since I'm retired military and civil service now.

wlkelley3 wrote: Now days though she's driving me crazy buying and stockpiling because we can afford it now. I keep telling her she doesn't have to stockpile the food, we'll always have an income since I'm retired military and civil service now.

I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest that it might have nothing to do with income, but maybe her family experience involved deprivation from Korea being occupied by Japan from 1910 to 1945, the hardship of the Korean War even if they were on the "good" side of the front, and the ever-present threat of first Kim Il-Sung then Kim Jong-il throwing a hissy fit and invading again.

mel_horn wrote:

wlkelley3 wrote: Now days though she's driving me crazy buying and stockpiling because we can afford it now. I keep telling her she doesn't have to stockpile the food, we'll always have an income since I'm retired military and civil service now.

I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest that it might have nothing to do with income, but maybe her family experience involved deprivation from Korea being occupied by Japan from 1910 to 1945, the hardship of the Korean War even if they were on the "good" side of the front, and the ever-present threat of first Kim Il-Sung then Kim Jong-il throwing a hissy fit and invading again.

Yeah, I know she had a hard childhood. But this hording is recent. Before when I was still in the army and moving around alot she didn't stock up as much, we couldn't afford it then. Now with 3 incomes (she works part time for mad money) and knowing we aren't going to move, I have to dodge stacks and with 2 refridgerators and 1 upright freezer I still don't have room for the important stuff (Beer ). It's all her stuff. And it takes up room in the garage. But I guess I'll keep her as I couldn't find someone else to put up with me. I guess you can say we have each other trained.

Hate to offer a cliche, but if you want to find "the one" you need to be "the one" to someone else. Takes a lot of effort.

24 years and counting. I got the better half of the deal. Life is good.

SVreX wrote: Hate to offer a cliche, but if you want to find "the one" you need to be "the one" to someone else. Takes a lot of effort. 24 years and counting. I got the better half of the deal. Life is good.

That's one cliche I have not heard before. Its a lot more to point than my ramblings. Thanks!

Take a look at all the media suggesting what is "right" in a relationship, factor in all the talk shows that display unfaithful relationships,add a little water cooler gossip/advice, and throw in a few friends that "know what's best for you" and you can see how it's probably impossible to ever find the "one".

Find someone who makes you comfortable doing what you enjoy and who you make feel comfortable doing what they enjoy and you'll be set for life. It's all about give and take being equally distributed between each other.

I might not have been the "one" for her, but after 35 years of loving,living and working together, we've made it the "right" relationship. Live your lives together and don't be influenced by others thoughts of what's "best" for you.

Who was it on here that said to their gal, "If I have a little extra money and I can either spend it on my project car or buy you a dinner out you're getting White Castle" and she said "Oh, I like White Castle"?

Or did I dream that?

blockquote>SVreX wrote: Hate to offer a cliche, but if you want to find "the one" you need to be "the one" to someone else. Takes a lot of effort. 24 years and counting. I got the better half of the deal. Life is good. blockquote>SVreX wrote: An old timer told me when I was single(the second time)"what do you meet in bars? Barflys. You want a nice girl, get yourself to church." I did and it's still great for both of us. Twenty seven years and looking forward to the next twenty seven. Or more. Be willing to give more than you expect to get. BTW, not everything is better by yourself....sex comes to mind immediately.

"If I have a little extra money and I can either spend it on my project car or buy you a dinner out you're getting White Castle" and she said "Oh, I like White Castle"?

See, I'd spend the money on the girl. However time wise, I'd probably be across the country racing even if it was her birthday.

EastCoastMojo wrote: Who was it on here that said to their gal, "If I have a little extra money and I can either spend it on my project car or buy you a dinner out you're getting White Castle" and she said "Oh, I like White Castle"? Or did I dream that?

You didn't dream that. I believe it was Wreckerboy who had that quotent quotible..

Jamie and I are together almost constantly. Both of us work at two jobs, both together, we both enjoy going for drives and Miata club stuff, and we both like bird watching. We like to hang around the house often, and we work in the yard together alot. We really dont mind being together all the time. I know we havent been together that long, only 4.5 years, but we enjoy each others company more now, than ever. It works for us. We also moved in together about a week after we started dating, and have only spent 5 nights apart since. And that was when I went to Deals Gap alone, and the night before our wedding.

Joey

I've been married for 11 years to the same woman that I went to grammar school with. our lives crossed paths on and off for years until she asked me to marry her. I said yes, I could have done a lot worse.

It's been a week into the break. Funny thing is I got a job offer which I wanted for the last 3 months and I didn't have anyone to call and celebrate with. I think the posts are helping. I'm Korean and it's k-style to provide for every want that the GF wants. So thinking back I realized this whole time I've been putting her on a pedistal getting her everything she wants. And now that I'm alone I feel a huge chunk of me gone. I've never really put myself first ever.

So that post about getting to know and love oneself is definately relevent. I'm gonna have to work on that. But for now it's been whiskey every night to get myself to sleep. This sucks boys.

No such thing as "the one." We are all sharing the same soul energy, so to say one has a "soul-mate" is redundant. Compatibility is a social construct based on the mind and body. This is the main reason I don't believe in monogamy.

... and as odd as this sounds, neither does my wife.

We all participate in serial monogamy. Some of us just end the active part of our shopping when we get married. Others continue shopping despite getting married. Others never get married and keep on shopping.

The bottom line is, despite our socio-religious paradigms, we never keep shopping. Its just that someone ages ago decided that monogamy was a good thing and we (as a society) never figured out that they were full of E36 M3e

Other than someone that I casually dated at the end of last year, I've been single for a little over a year. This is after a five year streak of always being with someone or another, except for a month or two off in between. Over this span, I've worked on my motorcycle, renewed contact with old friends/made new ones, gone out more, and started exercising regularly (about a month and a half ago, at least).

And I've found that rebounds don't hurt, either.

Nis14 wrote: It's been a week into the break. Funny thing is I got a job offer which I wanted for the last 3 months and I didn't have anyone to call and celebrate with. I think the posts are helping. I'm Korean and it's k-style to provide for every want that the GF wants. So thinking back I realized this whole time I've been putting her on a pedistal getting her everything she wants. And now that I'm alone I feel a huge chunk of me gone. I've never really put myself first ever.

I firmly believe that you have to be able to, and should, take care of yourself first. It's absurd to spend all your energy taking care of someone else and expect them to always take care of you. If one person stumbles, both fall.

If you each take care of yourself, when one stumbles, the other can help steady them.

I was looking at my old posts, I’m reviving this two and a half year thread, during that time I’ve managed to do the following:

• Get promoted and get paid more than twice what I was getting paid
• Gotten a lot more fit. Picked up boxing as a hobby
• Finally swapped in the engine on the FC3S
• Moved out of NJ into Queens, moving into Manhattan next month
• Man-whore a bit (apparently I’m decent looking and interesting)
• Learn to hold my liquor
• Become more self-confident
• He been dating a girl for 7 months now who is quite a bit of a handful and someone who I enjoy spending time with whether she’s the one or not is yet to be determined

Here’s the kicker, I found out the ex is getting married this year. Is it normal that I’m a little sad about it.

Thanks guys from the bottom of my soul, you guys are really the best.

After a relationship that long, take a year, minimum, to just be single. No dating, period. Get to the point where you're okay being just you, and you're not thinking about her. You might need therapy after a long-term breakup. I'm serious about that.

If you get into a relationship before then, you'll constantly be comparing the girl to the previous one. You need to be able to evaluate her on her own.

I was in a 2 year relationship that blew up. I had 4 years of solitude between that relationship and meeting my wife. I grew older and wiser in the meantime. I was able to focus on getting my life in order and really figure out who I was and what I want in life. You need to do the same.

Its interesting... 11 days after this thread was started, I entered into a relationship that is still going on now. It has led me to the best times of my life, to the absolute worst times of my life, and back up to the best times again. I learned a lot about myself, aged more than I would have wished in such a short time, and learned to be immature again.

I have to say, it has been an amazing experience and I am excited to see what the future holds in store for us.

I realize Jamie and I are still together because I'm just that badass.

Joey

Salanis wrote: I firmly believe that you have to be able to, and should, take care of yourself first. It's absurd to spend all your energy taking care of someone else and expect them to always take care of you. If one person stumbles, both fall. If you each take care of yourself, when one stumbles, the other can help steady them.

this

Co-dependency is so toxic it's crazy.

Also, tradition be damned, if you're constantly catering to her every whim, you're setting yourself up to get burned.

Glad the future turned out so much better, Nis14.

<--still married since that post. Life is the same save for wife's MS diagnosis and consequent of my sex life.

Lesley wrote: I'm not even gonna worry about that E36 M3e anymore - I'm concentrating on being happy.

Lesley, that's the best relationship advice I have ever seen.

Well... if you can't make a relationship with yourself work, there's no sense even trying it with someone else.

Nis14 wrote: It's been a week into the break. Funny thing is I got a job offer which I wanted for the last 3 months and I didn't have anyone to call and celebrate with. I think the posts are helping. I'm Korean and it's k-style to provide for every want that the GF wants. So thinking back I realized this whole time I've been putting her on a pedistal getting her everything she wants.

You need to settle down with a nice Jewish girl.

Nis14 wrote: I'm Korean and it's k-style to provide for every want that the GF wants.

This has been driving my roommate (white-dating a Korean girl) absolutely mad. Interesting how that stuff plays out.