So, who's the shiney happy person in this situation?

A person in my life that I have to work closely with on a daily basis, that it is Imperative that we work well as a team and I have a relationship problem and I'd love some input from the hive mind....

If something needs to be done (for sake of this argument, I can't do everything that needs to be done in this situation), I ask the other person to help with this task and am Very frequently dismissed if I ask nicely even a multitude of times. The request is either "forgotten" completely (repeatedly) or just dismissed as "oh I didn't get around to that" (repeatedly).

But.... If I'm an a-hole about it, it just gets taken care of, but causes a huge fight.

If I ask 3-10 times nicely then freak out, am I the A-hole?

Or.... Is the other person the A-hole for making it come to that?

No, if it's a reasonable request and you ask politely a couple times, HE'S the shiny happy person.

In reply to sesto elemento:

Have you considered explaining this to the person in question and asking them why it has to go down this way? Maybe some thing like "I don't want to be and A-hole but that's the only thing you seem to respond to, what's the deal?"

Welcome to my world. Make your statement and move on. Look for results and don't dissapoint easily.

mblommel wrote: In reply to sesto elemento: Have you considered explaining this to the person in question and asking them why it has to go down this way? Maybe some thing like "I don't want to be and A-hole but that's the only thing you seem to respond to, what's the deal?"

This results in a big fight, and lots of "what, I dont do enough" attitude. I have tried to broach this topic delicately double digit times and every time I get defensiveness and aggression.

Oh, and it's not a "he".

Haters gonna hate, don't grind your stone on an axe that won't sharpen.

Are you my wife?

I have an employee like that. If he was not absolutely brilliant at what he does it would have let him go a long time ago.

Your kids ski, free pass, skiing is an entry drug,

What are you taking about? /\

TRoglodyte wrote: Your kids ski, free pass, skiing is an entry drug,

You need to lay of granded's cough syrup buddy.

Is there any reason for us to believe the other person is less busy than you? Maybe your stuff will get done when they are done theirs.

Been skiing lately? Or dropped a hit? Just askin.

Streetwiseguy wrote: Is there any reason for us to believe the other person is less busy than you? Maybe your stuff will get done when they are done theirs.

It just gets "forgotten".

So do I just do it myself to keep from being punished? Teams suck if that's how they work.

TRoglodyte wrote: Been skiing lately? Or dropped a hit? Just askin.

I love skiing, haven't gone in a couple of years though. Are you saying some acid would help? I'm not following.

I deal with a bunch of this type of situations. The best way I find is to send a request in email, even a 'just to follow up, I need x by y". I will then send a calendar invite to review what I need at a time right after that. Even a 5 minute meeting with a 1 day reminder will pop up and usually give them time to get back to it.

If it is not done after all of this, they are usually buried or have another issue or answer they are waiting on.

sesto elemento wrote: This results in a big fight, and lots of "what, I dont do enough" attitude. Oh, and it's not a "he".

"No, you don't. I'm berkeleying tired of asking you multiple times to get E36 M3 done, only to met with your dunt attitude, when it hasn't been."

In reply to sesto elemento:

Are you equal teammates? Is there a clearly stated chain of command in your organization, and if so, where are each of your positions in that chain?

If it's a small business and you're both equally located at/near the top, then you have a real problem - because what you're explaining sure sounds like spousal-type issues(regardless of whether that's the true relationship status)...and working together at a job is often a quick route to drive two people apart.

Presuming you have a business-only relationship with this person, and you're both hierarchically-equal, you pretty much have two choices:

1.) Continue being an shiny happy person as needed to get the job done. However, keep in mind the situation will either continue deteriorating to the point of one of you quitting(or the business failing, depending on the size/details), or possibly the other person filing some kind of grievance if this is a larger organization.

2.) Take care of the tasks yourself. There may be other factors in this person's life outside of work causing their response - and if they're having relationship trouble, they may be transferring some of their pent up anger/frustration into the work relationship you two have.

In reply to sesto elemento:

Is it possible that she is already sleeping with someone else?

Document tardiness on their part and start working them out of the results....basically kill them with kindness. Get the work done around them until that fact gets noticed. Do the work in such a way that they become the roadblock on the critical path and let someone above ask why stuff is stuck. Gradually stop including them in important roles and only ask for trivial stuff from them. At first they will be happy to be work relieved but then will realize they are getting left behind. Never forgive.

Edit: If there is a manager above you two, it is his job to be aware of these situations and resolve then if they do happen. If the manager is not doing his job, you can slowly get him backed into a corner where he will get called on it from above him. Then up to you to decide if you want to save the manger or toss him under the same bus.

I work with some one like this. I was also getting some career guidiance at the time of some trouble. This is what we came up with.

Give the person a peice of paper with the problem, the customer that needs it, a date that they need it by, and a handful of times to talk about said problem.

I got a very quick response from the person. It was incredible. But this tatic was tailered for them, so YMMV.

+1 on the documentation tactic. Start out first with specific requests in emails just to her. If results don't improve, start CCing management.

FWIW my wife works with a bunch of this type. Everything they need is an emergency, but when the ball's in their court, they're "just too busy" to get to it.

JohnRW1621 wrote: In reply to sesto elemento: Is it possible that she is already sleeping with someone else?

What you've described, very judiciously, sounds less like a job and more like a dysfunctional marriage. If you are being ignored until the point of confrontation then the two of you either need counseling or to go your separate directions. What I've seen time and again is when two people have been together for a significant amount of time say a thing, the other one doesn't hear what is actually said, but rather what they expect to hear. It's unpleasant and needs to be fixed. Good luck.

This is totally petty. But... Give this person tasks to do. Tasks that once completed, would benefit them. Watch them burn themselves by not doing it. Give smug response when they bitch about it.

I deal with this daily. The laziest guy in our crew likes to complain that he does "90% of the work" and is tired of it.. never mind when we actually ask him to help.

Sadly, you need to walk out to actually get fired from my department