Sometimes it doesn't matter what you say.

In reply to Sput:

Same with me. Check engine light on, runs like ass. At drop off time: 'You'll have it done by 3pm, right?' Me: 'Uh, need to find out what's wrong with it first. That will be after lunch and then I can tell you. Customer: 'So you'll have it ready by 3, right?'

AAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH.

This one will probably fit in with the last couple:

"My car goes knockaknockaknocka bingbingbing, but I'm sure its not anything expensive."

"Well, actually, you HOPE it won't be anything expensive. I've really got no control over that, sir/maam."

Or:

Service writer, " Will that car be done by three?"

Tech, "Not sure. I have to test drive, and make sure we've got it fixed."

Service writer, "So it should be done by three?"

Tech, "It will be done when I say its done. Until such time as its finished, it won't be done, and I'm not giving it back until its fixed correctly."

Service writer, " Ok, I'll tell him to come at three."

Sput wrote: Today; Customer: When do you think the repair will be done? Me: With the parts to be machined, if everything goes perfect, Spetember 13. With luck, September 20. Customer: I would like it back next Wednesday. Me: I'm postive we can't do that, we need some pretty large and complicated parts machined. Customer: So that means you'll have it done by Wednesday? You can have everyone working this weekend, right? ARGH!

At that point I tend to ask if they're paying a suitably large chunk extra for the weekend work.

There's a reason I'm not in a customer facing role .

Customer: Can you call me a taxi?

Me: Sir, I've been waiting three years for that question. You are a taxi.

Contractor: How long does it take to get the door in.

Me: 4-6 weeks from the time you order it.

Contractor: But I need it next week. Why does it take so long?

Me: It's a automatic door, custom built to fit the hole in your building. They don't start building it until you order it.

Contractor: I didn't know it took so long.

Me: Delivery times are on the quote we sent you 8 months ago.

Contractor: I don't remember reading that, why wasn't the door ordered then.

Me: Sir, you didn't sign the quote and send it back to me until yesterday.

Contractor: So, can I get it next week.

Me:

After this conversation the contractor will call every 2-3 days so we can repeat this all over again. How these guys survive in the construction industry I will never know.

My wife Janel works in construction (heavy highway, airport paving, etc). She says that describes pretty much every conversation she has every day.

Reminds me of my favorite one from working food service years ago.

"Would you like that on a plate, or in a box?" "Yes"......... "Plate, or a box?" I show them the two items. "Oh uhhhhhh...." Then there was the time I got a no. And he was serious. He went and grabbed a napkin from out dispenser and had me deposit a flaming hot roll in his hand. That one still gets me.

Keith Tanner wrote: The I'm Not Listening award for the day. Guy on phone: "Have you put one of those turbo V6 Ford truck engines in a Miata?" Brandon: "No." Guy on phone: "Great! How did it work out?"

Appropriate response: "AWESOME!"

You should hang out at my shop sometime. It's like CLERKS, minus the part where Silent Bob becomes a millionaire loser.

Waiter: Here's your steak sandwich, Sir. Anything else I can get you?

Me: Nope, looks like I'm all set.

Waiter: Alrighty. Enjoy your meal.

Me: Yeah, you too!

Every damn time.