The ex-wife tried calling me yesterday. And I didn't answer.

My phone lit up on the way home with "Ex-Wife" as the contact. I sent it to voicemail, which was later "I need to tell you something". I've not heard from her in about 5-6 years, divorced for 7.

She called again around 7pm, no message. Then texted saying call me about Kim (random friend of hers I haven't seen in 20 years). Then just before bed around 1045pm another call. Then left a message on a website forum we're both on.

This brought back some memories, mostly of drop everything and pay attention to me. I paid good money and visited a Kenton county KY courthouse to not have to deal with that ever again. $$ well spent.

"I need to tell you something".

Are you sure she didn't hit the lottery and needs someone to share it with?

Is this another Amy thread?

Meh. Just keep ignoring her. Eventually, the amount of effort she puts forth trying to get you to pay attention to her will outweigh whatever benefit she gets out of it.

If you haven't heard from her in 6 years, there are approximately zero things that she could tell you that matter to you.

My ex cleaned out her closet and disappeared about 5 years ago. This thread reminds me of why I keep her number in my address book--that way my phone can send her directly to voicemail. Do not pass go; do not collect $200; go directly to voicemail.

"My Aunt Esther died, and she never changed her will. So, I have to share $14M with you."

If she really needed to tell you something she would send it in a text or leave it in a voicemail. Since she's not doing that, she's looking for something from you. That something might just be validation or emotional energy but it's something you no longer have to give her.

Next time she calls, get Amy to answer for you!

My wife and I had lunch with my Ex and her husband Sunday, a little planning session for our daughter's college. We see each other and talk all the time, and we get along just fine. Because we have a daughter together. If we didn't, I doubt I would have heard from her in 14 years. A sudden urgent call would be weird, but curiosity would get the best of me and I'd eventually call her back. But on MY schedule, not hers.

I'm jealous of you people that can ignore your ex's. Because kids I still have to deal with mine.

Of course I'm also jealous of people who become widows/widowers. Same reason.

Sky_Render wrote: If you haven't heard from her in 6 years, there are approximately zero things that she could tell you that matter to you.

Exactly. Even if her friend passed away, it's someone I barely remember from 20 years ago. I'd be as sad as any human being passing away.

And I missed the whole Amy thing, it got taken down before I could join in. (I'd ask for a Cliff Notes version if it didn't get this shut down as well)

It must have been a pretty nasty divorce to be so upset that you won't return a phone call or a simple text 7 years after the split.

STM317 wrote: It must have been a pretty nasty divorce to be so upset that you won't return a phone call or a simple text 7 years after the split.

LOL wut?

Not necessarily. If you have zero shared obligations, there is no reason for her to contact you other than (somehow) for her benefit. Why else would she call after 6 years of no contact?

In reply to STM317:

If you've ever had important things forcibly removed from you possession, limited contact with your children, and your heart torn out of your chest, you'd understand some folks animosity towards the other half.

In reply to STM317:

No, it didn't have to be nasty, for him not to want to talk to her. They're divorced for a reason. No need to have any further contact, if they don't have children.

I grew up in a divorced home. I understand a lot of the dynamics. It's been 7 years since it was final, and 6 since they've spoken. That seems like enough time to move on. It's not like she's been a constant bother to him during that time. If she'd made a single call, I'd write it off and say ignore it. But to suddenly reach out several times, through multiple avenues seems to indicate that it could at least be important.

I'm not begrudging anyone who's gone through a bad split and doesn't want contact. I'm just suggesting that she might have legitimate reasons for reaching out unexpectedly after several years. If he calls her back, and it's nonsense, then just hang up. That seems easy to me.

STM317 wrote: I'm not begrudging anyone who's gone through a bad split and doesn't want contact. I'm just suggesting that she might have legitimate reasons for reaching out unexpectedly after several years. If he calls her back, and it's nonsense, then just hang up. That seems easy to me.

A valid point.

Maybe Jerry should respond, via text/email/message board. That way, it's easier to keep emotions (rage?) in check, before hitting send.

It could be important and worth a call back. And if you haven't had any contact in 5-6 years, it'll probably be easy for you to hang up the phone if it turns out to be some bullE36 M3.

You should call her back because you've gotten us curious as to what it is.

Wall-e wrote: You should call her back because you've gotten us curious as to what it is.

This.

"So I could care less, but my forum buddies need to know why you won't stop contacting me..."

Sky_Render wrote: If you haven't heard from her in 6 years, there are approximately zero things that she could tell you that matter to you.

"I have Hep C"

Matt B wrote:

Wall-e wrote: You should call her back because you've gotten us curious as to what it is.

This. "So I could care less, but my forum buddies need to know why you won't stop contacting me..."

What's her number? I'm sure someone here would be happy to call & find out what she wanted.

STM317 wrote: I'm not begrudging anyone who's gone through a bad split and doesn't want contact. I'm just suggesting that she might have legitimate reasons for reaching out unexpectedly after several years. If he calls her back, and it's nonsense, then just hang up. That seems easy to me.

I can think of things where it would be legitimate for her to contact him after this long. I can not think of any legitimate reason where she would be unable to tell him why he needed to call her back.

+1 on if it was important, she should leave a more informative message than "I need to tell you something".

Huckleberry wrote:

Sky_Render wrote: If you haven't heard from her in 6 years, there are approximately zero things that she could tell you that matter to you.

"I have Hep C"

I was thinking along the same lines....

"Remember my friend Amy that we had a three-way with all those years ago, she just died from AIDS. I'm getting myself checked out and maybe you should too."

Or something like that.

In reply to Beer Baron and Brian:

See Huckleberry's post. That's not the kind of info to leave in a message.