The ex-wife tried calling me yesterday. And I didn't answer.

In reply to mtn:

Always.

Have your lawyer send her a nice letter asking the subject?

STM317 wrote:

WildScotsRacing wrote: My discernment says she gots nuffin and is trying to bait you into talking to her.

After going 6 years with no contact at all, she suddenly needs to bait him into talking?

Sometimes you decide that nothing good at all can come from starting a conversation. The first girl I ever kissed send me a friend request yesterday. I haven't seen her since I sold her husband a K-car 20 years ago. I can't think of a good reason to become "friends" with a 40 year old married woman who lives half way across the country. Sometimes there just isn't an upside.

I must be a good choice of personality because I've never had an ex whom I had to actively avoid. I have an ex or two who actively tries to avoid me, but I think that's because I'm like the best wine that ages extremely well and their just envious of me.

In general I'm on pretty good terms with most former intimate partners.

She's an attention whore, but hasn't called in 6 years?? Sounds like someone needs to take his happy pills.

I don't get the mass "berkeley 'em. All women are hateful whores" attitude. Ok maybe that was harsh. Let me say it more eloquently- all of us have been hurt, and all of us need to work really hard on learning to forgive. It just makes us better.

My parents have been divorced for 51 years. I doubt there's are very many people here who have been dealing with divorce longer than I have. But she was at his 90th birthday party last March. I appreciate the effort they've put in- it makes the world a better place not just for me and my brother, but for everyone around them.

Jerry, you know her better than anyone, and I recognize your right to make whatever decision you need to. But coming here to tell everyone how well you ignored her is a little weird, and the overwhelming negative support comments are kind of sad to me.

Which one of yall is the attention whore?

Tough crowd today.

I don't have any ex wives but I have never had any contact at all with the one ex girlfriend I have. No desire to. I see no reason whatsoever to maintain contact with an ex. I would not answer.

But I am super curious about why Jerry's ex called him. I think he should answer so I can know the reason

In reply to Nick (Bo) Comstock:

I keep checking this thread for the same reason

Jerry's got 99 problems...

I didn't get the vibe that he came here to gloat about not calling his ex wife back, more along the lines of someone who quit an addiction like smokes popping on to say, "someone offered me a cigarette six times today and I didn't even skip a beat." Kinda like a self-congratulation and a recognition that one has moved beyond something that was once a large hurdle or obstacle in their life.

Cheers!

I think I'm with SVreX on this one in regards to the negative reactions in this thread, but I do see some of where Jerry is coming from.

I dated my ex for over 6 years and after a little time/space, I came to the conclusion that she's a good person, but wasn't a good girlfriend (fiance, actually) to me. And I'm sure not perfect either. Haven't seen/spoken, other than birthday texts the first year, since we split 4 1/2 years ago. There was a lot of emotional warfare over that last year, and the only way to deal with that is to not engage at all, which is the sense I'm getting from Jerry.

That said, I'd probably respond in a very limited fashion to make sure it wasn't actually something I cared about or needed to know. At worst, you confirm your conviction that you don't want to interact with her at all anymore, and know you can maintain that again, like you did for the last 6 years.

mndsm wrote:

pres589 wrote: She's calling to let you know that Swank Force is trapped in a well and needs our help!

He's fine. Talked to him yesterday. Something something 245 section rs4s on 15x10s on a miata.

Knurled-approved.

gearheadmb wrote: I understand your POV, and if she "reached out" every six months then i would definitely tell her to bugger off, but three calls in one day after six years of no contact? I guess i would be afraid that i would learn later that it was a legit cry for help, or It was really important and i turned my back on her. If its pointless drama then its easy enough to shut it down. But then again, its not my life and not my Amy. But i am totally curious whats going on.

Kinda this. I had a girl I knew off and on when I was in my early 20s, in that weird not-dating flirty friendzone that happens sometimes (which was Good because I was in a relationship at the time - didn't want to screw up a good thing) e-mail me out of the blue four or five years later after we broke contact. It was a long and rampbly e-mail something about having moved to Georgia and her emotionally abusive boyfriend that she was somehow still attached to and family issues and at the time, I didn't even read it, and after I read it I tried to contact her again to see how she was doing and I honestly think now that she suicided. Lingering thought in the back of my mind when I think about her, if I read that e-mail and replied right away, how would she be doing? I mean, she wasn't ever a Significant Person to me, but she was still a person, you know? And another person should feel honored that another person trusts them enough to confide deep personal fears and doubts.

So, again, regarding Jerry's situation, without having lived the full backstory, my personal backstories make me kinda wonder at the odd situation. No contact for six years and then suddenly all hell breaking loose seems to equal, to me, "life collapsing and you're the last person remaining that I could trust with these problems"

But, again, I don't know the person personally. I've had to deal with Velcro-clingy people that were a massive drain, and I can understand not wanting to have to deal with them at any cost. Cold, maybe, but some people seem to make their own bed to lie in, you know?

This would drive me insane. I can't stand not knowing something. No matter how bad for me, I'd still have to reply. But, in the kind of person who after ten years of not smoking (at the time, I'm over twelve now) I had a few puffs on a cigar just to prove I could give into the temptation and not be drawn in... it was wonderful. Fantastic transcendent and beautiful. But I didn't start smoking again lol. I don't know how that applies other than saying "hey world, look, I can go back, but I'm too good to be drawn back in"

My ex called me about 3 months after we broke up. I didn't answer, she left a message to the effect that she had a flat tire and wanted me to change it. (HAHAHAHA, GTFO.) I sent her a text at the end of the day that I wasn't available. Haven't heard from her since.

However, if she blew up my phone today I would return her call. If it turns out to be BS you can always tell her to get berkeleyed and go back to radio silence.

Maybe she want to apologize.

You have to talk to her now, Jerry. The ENTIRE board is now thoroughly hooked on this newest daytime soap and it is now a moral imperative that you satisfy our curiosity.

In reply to EastCoastMojo:

Wow, didn';t think it would go this far. Yes, it was pretty much a "I didn't jump when she said jump and it feels good" kind of thing. Almost PTSD after the second call. Sorry to cause all the curiosity but maybe it brightened up some dreary Tuesdays?

Do it for us, Jerry. Do it for us. We've gotta know!

Text her back:

"It's Jerry. Is something wrong?"

Texting would be a way to probe the situation, while providing an emotional barrier.

Knurled might be on to something. Who knows what the last six years has brought for her, maybe she spent that time in a bad/abusive relationship and spiraled downwards to the point she is reaching out in desperation and is embarrassed by that. Maybe she realized how she had been wrong and want to make amends. Who knows?

But we want to now

mazdeuce wrote: Sometimes you decide that nothing good at all can come from starting a conversation. The first girl I ever kissed send me a friend request yesterday. I haven't seen her since I sold her husband a K-car 20 years ago. I can't think of a good reason to become "friends" with a 40 year old married woman who lives half way across the country. Sometimes there just isn't an upside.

I get that. And in your specific case, I agree with you that it's just not necessary to go there. I've done similar things in my own life. But I think there's a significant difference between a person you used to know sending a friend request, and your Ex suddenly reaching out to you multiple times in the same day, via every avenue that they can think of. One has a much more urgent/important tone than the other.

Jerry knows himself, and knows his Ex. If he really believes that she has nothing important enough to break 6 years of silence over then he doesn't need to respond. If there's any chance that it's important, then a simple response such as what RealMiniParker suggested should be an easy way to find out. If he's truly over her, then reaching out, and immediately moving on if it's not important should be a piece of cake. If he's worried about getting sucked back into her drama, then I'd argue that he hasn't fully moved on yet, and that's another issue entirely.

Having legitimately been clinically diagnosed with PTSD from an ex-wife, I wholly endorse the 'no action, no response' plan of attack with Jerry. I am not perfect, and I made a lion's share of mistakes in my marriage, but there is something about a scorned woman who will find the right buttons, and proceed to press them until they're completely broken. I used to fantasize about smashing my cell phone into a million pieces because of the volume and urgency of the '911 emergency, call back ASAP' voicemails and texts, only to call her back and have her lay into me about how I've ruined her life. After years of counseling, lawyers, and mediation, however, the only interaction I have with her is through someone else. It's just not worth it sometimes...

mndsm wrote:

pres589 wrote: She's calling to let you know that Swank Force is trapped in a well and needs our help!

He's fine. Talked to him yesterday. Something something 245 section rs4s on 15x10s on a miata.

Lost his mind maybe, what the duece? Why such a wide wheel for that tire?