The stories!

oldsaw wrote: In reply to HiTempguy: Dude, you're making a pretty strong case for smart people to not like you, too. But, hey, whatever cranks your tractor..........

Man, a cranky Canadian? That's like finding a Unicorn, eh? Or a 240SX that hasn't been hacked up for dorifto action....

Seriously, who peed in your Poutine this morning?

turboswede wrote: Seriously, who peed in your Poutine this morning?

Just in an argumentative mood! It's always struck me as crazy how people would go out of their way to encourage bad behavior. I don't.

I like this thread. I know I have heard a ton of these kind of stories, I just can't think of any right now.

There was a guy at my school that claimed his Tempo with ricer wing and hood scoop was a 9 second car and that his '80s Goldwing could outrun a GSXR1000.

HiTempguy wrote: If the person is that retarded, what's the worse that can happen, they dislike you forever? I don't have any sort of superiority complex to anyone, but I certainly don't need EVERYONE to like me. What an absurd notion. Why would I want stupid people to like me?

If you look down your nose at "stupid people", you've got a superiority complex.

No one ever said anything about needing everyone to like them. Just don't see the need to pointlessly upset someone and needlessly make an enemy.

In reply to ProDarwin:

I could do the police stories all day. Don't get me wrong, I have a lot of respect for the profession, but some of these guys give the rest of their peers a bad name.

One night while working at the hospital, I struck up a conversation with a bored deputy sheriff. We started talking about cars, and I mentioned doing a few auto-x events and track days, and how I felt it made me a better driver on the street as well.

He starts telling me about the day(?!?) of driver training he got in the academy, and the two days of "special" police training he had at the local track, and now he was ready for anything.

Now bear in mind, this guy is a K9 cop, with a shiny new Ford Explorer at the time. He begins to tell me how he's been trained for high-speed pursuit, and him driving 140mph in his patrol vehicle was like me doing 70 in my car.

I couldn't resist saying that, "You DO realize you're still subject to the laws of physics....right?" He got pissy, and stomped off.

I also interned for a local police dept. for school, and they had me out a lot with officers who were just running traffic detail.

One day we're running radar, and a nice new Audi S4 comes through doing 45 in a 25. To be fair, not too far up the road the road goes to 45 and then 55, and he waited until after the crosswalk at the old folks' home to accelerate.

So we pull out in pursuit about a half-mile back, and the officer floors it.

After getting the guy stopped, I decided to ask, "So wait, we pulled this guy over because doing 20 over is unsafe, right?

"Yeah."

"But us doing nearly 100mph on a 55mph road to catch him, in this beat-to-hell Crown Vic is safer?"

"Uh..."

"Not to mention, that's a fairly high-performance car. He's got a way better chance of slowing or avoiding an obstacle in that, than we do in this."

"Hang on."

He issued the guy a warning.

foxtrapper wrote: If you look down your nose at "stupid people", you've got a superiority complex.

You're saying that because somebody is better than someone else, they have a superiority complex? Or are you saying that somebody can't be better than somebody else (because they most certainly can be)?

Now I am REALLY confused.

If any of you have worked at a parts store like I have, I'm sure you have been told many of these wonderful tales of cow caca. We had some repeat customers that I call "triple T's" or Tall Tale Tellers, and they always provided entertainment. Here's a couple shining examples:

TTT #1:

This guy rolls up in a junky mid-90's black Pathfinder that looks like they covered it in glue and crashed it into the chrome and accessories aisle at the store. Chrome trim everywhere, tons of extra foglights, and the all important GT-R badge were all present. He comes up to the counter asking for parts, and proceeds to tell me that it had a RB26DETT under the hood. He wanted parts for the imaginary Skyline engine. I asked him to show me his mAd TyTe swap yo, but "the hood latch was broken". Sure buddy... Ok...

TTT #2:

I drove my Trans Am to work sometimes. Every time I did, it would cause every meathead to come in and demand to see the owner because it's "SO BADA*** MAN!!!!1!!!1" Sometimes, it would lead to a nice conversation or a good deal on parts for it. One time, it even led to the purchase of another one! But usually, it led to a tall tale and ensuing hilarity.

One time, this particular kid came in (who looked like a young Marlboro Man complete with bushy toughstache) and challenged me to a race. According to him, this was his car with its specs:

-1976 Pontiac GTO SS (umm...) -Raised Small Block (WTF is a "Raised Small Block"???) -42'' Rear End (his mom's pants size?) -Nawwwwwwsssssss (of course, yo) -Runs 9's (sure....)

I told him to bring it by, with a straight face. And he was getting heated about it. The entire time, my boss was ROTFLing. kid didn't show his face for a few years after that.

I have so many more of these. I worked there for over 4 years, and we easily got one great one every other day.

Just now one of the ladies from the Realty place next door on my floor popped in and asked if the "little orange car" outside was mine. (Quick look for the Red 240Z that sometimes appears confirms I have the only remotely orange car); Yes. "It's the coolest car I've ever seen, I love it so much I just want to touch it! Bye!"

Well, huh.

Guess I should show her the engine at quittin' time.

Trailering the old EP Civic got some funny reactions. The first question was either "Do you do drifting?" or "What kinda 1/4 mile that thang run?"

Best was stuck in traffic on the way back from Dothan AL. Kid in a pickup motions for me to roll down the window.

"Hey mane, whut kinda racin you do with that thang?"

Me: "Autocross."

Him: "Oh yeah? That like motocross?"

Me: (explaining autocross.)

Him: "Cool! What kinda times you run?"

Me: "Well, it's a different course every time, so it would depend. It's pretty fast. Often a lot faster than the Corvettes. Sometimes the fastest thing with fenders."

Him: "Yeah? What kinda times do you run?"

Me: (same schpeil)

Him: "But like, what kinda times does it run."

Me, frustrated: "Well, I ran a (whatever) 49.6 this weekend."

Him: "DANG! That is fast!"

Jesus.

I can't count the number of stories I've heard that have, "It had a Hemi in it."

Whenever I towed my track toy around, I would just get kids in the back of cars waving at me and people at gas pumps asking me "Is she a winner?" or "What kinda times she run?". But no one asked me really dumb questions, just alot of people that didn't understand track days/road racing.

As far as working in a parts store, I would just like to do it for 6 months to build up my stupid people story catalog. I have heard some really stupid people stories from various people.

One more that I've used a dozen times since for the berkeleying heroes with their invisible muscle car:

We're at the dyno with the LeMons car, packing up. Next appointment shows up in a Mustang with big meats. Sounds pretty nasty. He's gives a little condescending rolleye/headshake when he sees the LeMons car.

We hang out to see what kind of crazy numbers this thing is going to put down. One of the guys in our group is chatting with Mustang guy.

"So have you dyno'd it before?"

"Yeah, it puts down about 300 at the wheels."

"Man! That's pretty impressive..."

(mustang guy starts talking)

"...for a berkeleying Honda."

In reply to poopshovel:

Aaaaahhhhh, the ever impressive stoplight(I live my life one 1/4 at a time) hero.

HiTempguy wrote: You're saying that because somebody is better than someone else, they have a superiority complex? Or are you saying that somebody can't be better than somebody else (because they most certainly can be)? Now I am REALLY confused.

A serious complexity is superiorally complex when compared against a complex superiority. Unless the complex superiority is complexidly superior to the serious complexity.

Really.

If a foolish person is doing me no harm with their foolishness, it serves me no usefull gain to interfere with their folly and enrage them against me. Especially since it precludes future usefullness.

Now, if only I was as good at following my own advice as I make it sound like I might be.

My cars are usually idiot-proof. The Duster gets lots of family stores (uncle had one, grandma had one, etc) while the Oldsmobile usually just gets called a Cutlass (it is a Delta 88). One guy so far called it correctly and even asked if I was lucky enough to have the factory dual exhaust setup. I was impressed.

A meathead I went to college with saw me climb into my old hot rod '90 Lincoln Mark VII. He asked what it had so I replied "nothing much, just a 302". He laughed at me and said it was crap and that I needed to swap in a "five oh" so he could race me in his Jeep. Thanks, I'll get on that...

I go to car shows for a living, I pretty much just smile and nod at whatever people are saying. If it is dumb, I rarely remember it. I only correct them if it is worth educating them. Sometime you just let them enjoy telling the story. I'd love to see all of these Hemi 350s, 442 cubic inch V8s, 3/4 race cams, and ultra rare factory race cars I've been hearing about though.

iceracer wrote: Back when I hadmy ZX2SR and frequented their forum, the tails of stock SR's that would go 150 mph.were numerous Well the speedometer goes to 150 so it must be true. The fastest I ever had mine was 124 ar which the frameless windows would become un sealed.

Stupidity, it was in abundance on the focus forums as well.......we did learn a 200ish whp n/a 05 ST with cossie parts couldn't pull a stock 92 sho though

On that side note, I only ever got the '01 fukus up to an idicated 114.....

I had a guy telling me last week this gem of a story.

tard-"You should have seen my 08 lancer, it was really fast. I was going 150mph down a country road and wrecked it into a pond"

me-"So you had an Evo?"

tard-"nah, it was just a stock base model"

me-"I wish you didn't swim to safety"

That guy won't speak to me anymore, and I'm kinda glad.

Now the 1/2, 3/4 and full race cam nomenclature was actually real at one time.

Tilden Technologies said: What's a 3/4 Race Cam? In the early 1950's the most popular original camshaft designers were the legendary Ed Winfield, the father of hotrodding, and Cliff Collins of Harman-Collins. If you look a Huntington's 1951 book you will find the specs for their cams listed. We've also listed some of their cams on our Flathead Performance Cams page. There were lots of cam grinders that copied Winfield and Harman-Collins cams, but these two were the designers and innovators in the early days. It was popular to refer to cams as a 1/2 Race or Semi grind and a Full Race grind. Later, there was a call for an intermediate grind between these two. To fill this demand, Ed Winfield took the intake lobe from his full race cam and the exhaust lobe from his semi cam and called it a 3/4 Race cam (see Flathead Performance Cams). It was literally half way between a full race and 1/2 race cam. Since that time, 3/4 Race has become a generic term for a high performance street cam, i.e. something less than a race cam.

Can't blame folks for carrying on the name.

I've forgotten most of the ones I was told, it's been so long since I hung out with any ricers...

One time a guy told me his old AE92 GTS slammed with cut springs could take a particular corner at 180kph. Now taking mine through there, with full coilovers at a sensible height and stickier tires than you can buy around here, at maybe 7/10ths is about 110kph...so I'm pretty sure he was bullE36 M3ting me.

I remember another time I overheard a guy saying his car could do an uphill run of about 3/4 mile in 10 seconds with a flying start, and his buddy was freaking out like "THAT'S SO COOL YOU DA MAN DAWG!" That one stuck with me just from the sheer absurdity and the friend's gullibility.

ditchdigger wrote: Now the 1/2, 3/4 and full race cam nomenclature was actually real at one time.

Tilden Technologies said: What's a 3/4 Race Cam? In the early 1950's the most popular original camshaft designers were the legendary Ed Winfield, the father of hotrodding, and Cliff Collins of Harman-Collins. If you look a Huntington's 1951 book you will find the specs for their cams listed. We've also listed some of their cams on our Flathead Performance Cams page. There were lots of cam grinders that copied Winfield and Harman-Collins cams, but these two were the designers and innovators in the early days. It was popular to refer to cams as a 1/2 Race or Semi grind and a Full Race grind. Later, there was a call for an intermediate grind between these two. To fill this demand, Ed Winfield took the intake lobe from his full race cam and the exhaust lobe from his semi cam and called it a 3/4 Race cam (see Flathead Performance Cams). It was literally half way between a full race and 1/2 race cam. Since that time, 3/4 Race has become a generic term for a high performance street cam, i.e. something less than a race cam.

Can't blame folks for carrying on the name.

We had an old Chevy cam with 4 lobes cut off that we kept under the counter at my dad's place. When someone came in asking for a '3/4 cam', we'd whip that thing out onto the counter.

But sometimes people would reach for their wallet...

I forgot to mention the most common questions I get after messing with people in traffic......remarking the '91 sho

1-"Man, thats one of them supercharged taurus's isnt it"

2-"That thing has a v8 in it doesn't it"

3-"is that a 4 door mustang"

4-"why the hell did you swap a manual in there"

Most of those are either mustang or honda people......and normally most people are confused by the flat red paint, oz wheels, and the 13" brakes.....

I have another one, and it's GRM related!

On the way down to the $2009 event, I teamed up with fellow GRM'er Pseudosport to drag his former Challenge Miata there with a $1000 Ford F150. What could possibly go wrong?

Before even getting out of our county, we found ourselves replacing the front calipers and pads on this truck in a local Advance parking lot. The kid at the counter was not happy with this, and kept saying that we couldn't work there. I asked him to come outside and show him that we had a car on the trailer and we were Florida bound and to just let us hammer out the brake job, because he didn't believe me.

Once he saw that we had the car on the trailer, he started to loosen up and tell us some stories about his friends and all their cars. Tall tales abound, of course. Knows a kid with a Skyline, 8 second turbo Civics, yada yada yada... As we are cleaning up and leaving, he tells that we will never win the event.

I asked him why, and he came back with this line:

Parts Kid: Dude, you will never win. You aren't sponsored.

Me: Huh?

Parts Kid: Yeah, don't you know anything? You can't win races without being sponsored!!!

He was right. We only came in 4th overall that year.

If you'd been wearing Monster Energy flatbills and had plenty of stickers on the car he would have said "Yeah you guys are gonna win for sure!"

GameboyRMH wrote: If you'd been wearing Monster Energy flatbills and had plenty of stickers on the car he would have said "Yeah you guys are gonna win for sure!"

Yep.

We will make sure to be sponsored this year.