This is funny (racing humor)

I usually hate posting stories that are not my own, but my friend Heyward leads possibly the most interesting life of anyone I know. Currently he has acquired a job at REI and had this happen the other day:

"Heyward looked down at the shoes of the guy trying on Ray-Bans and asked "Are you involved in Motorsports?" "Yes," he responds. "BMWCCA?" Again he says "yes, how did you know." I answered, "You are wearing Bell driving shoes on a Monday." He smiled, not realizing I just called him a Douchebag. I smiled back "M3?" I asked. Looking pleased he said "yup.""

Some of you might know Heyward, he's a damn good driver and deeply involved in the SCCA, but he's also damn funny. Only he could insult someone to their face and leave them feeling better for the experience.

My buddy used to be a cop and had a great story about pulling over a guy in an M Coupe (the old, ugly kind) that had BMW CCA stickers on his windows and was wearing driving shoes. Apparently, there was some discussion as to whether or not said driver was "qualified" to travel the public roads at the speed he was doing.

Another story as it relates to the same thing - my previous job was in automotive training events (ride-and-drives) for salesmen. You always knew you were in for an interesting day when someone showed up to the event in driving shoes. One guy even brought a helmet to the event... to drive a family sedan around a parking lot at 35 mph.

speedblind wrote: One guy even brought a helmet to the event... to drive a family sedan around a parking lot at 35 mph.

Isn't that the definition of an autocross?

dammit carguy, keyboard 8 ruined

carguy123 wrote:

speedblind wrote: One guy even brought a helmet to the event... to drive a family sedan around a parking lot at 35 mph.

Isn't that the definition of an autocross?

I will have you know that my GPS unit recorded a top speed of 37 mph at our last autocross. SO a helmet was in order!

What's wrong with driving shoes? The outside of my right knee and ankle starts to hurt on long trips because of how running or tennis shoes hold my foot. Driving shoes have rounded heels so it helps, so I wear them. They're more casual oriented $20 Pilotis though, they aren't FIA/SFI rated or anything.

Do you mean these guys are driving around in full FIA Nomex shoes and wearing them sunglass shopping?

Remember that video of an RX-7 at an autocross where all 4 wheels fall off? The driver of that car had on these really sporty looking bright red driving shoes. My loving wife proceeded to buy my a pair to wear based on that video. I wear them with pride while autocrossing. I think of them of them as a silly inside joke, but everyone else probally thinks I'm the sunglasses shopper. Oh well.

FWIW, the Mini's pedals are close together and with the wrong shoes it can be very dicey to drive. Once, with some wide bottomed doc martens on I was out doing some errands and was braking for some pedestrians in a crosswalk in front of a store. When I went for the brake I also managed to push down on the gas at the same time with my big shoes. I got some dirty looks as I was reving my engine up threatening pedestrians in a crosswalk.

If you insult someone on purpose and they don't know you insulted them - you are a catty little prick that would do better in a dress.

walterj wrote: If you insult someone on purpose and they don't know you insulted them - you are a catty little prick that would do better in a dress.

Ziiinnng! well said sir.

"Those look lahk comfterble shooes"

walterj wrote: If you insult someone on purpose and they don't know you insulted them - you are a catty little prick that would do better in a dress.

He would actually find that funny.

Would he find it funny while wearing a dress though?

walterj wrote: If you insult someone on purpose and they don't know you insulted them - you are a catty little prick that would do better in a dress.

No, it would mean they are too full of themselves to realize you called them a douchebag.

Per and I ended up with the same kind of ugly brown and orange Pilotis.

Every event, we tell each other how much we like the other's faggy shoes.

hey, I happen to enjoy insulting people in subtle ways and then getting them to agree.

walterj wrote: If you insult someone on purpose and they don't know you insulted them - you are a catty little prick that would do better in a dress.

I nearly destroyed my monitor with that one. If this doesn't make it into the magazine...

To those who think that playing a trick on someone that doesn't know they are being tricked isn't funny...

Go watch Man on the Moon or something.

Andy Kaufman FTW!

speedblind wrote: You always knew you were in for an interesting day when someone showed up to the event in driving shoes. One guy even brought a helmet to the event... to drive a family sedan around a parking lot at 35 mph.

LOL! There's always "that guy..."

"So, do you have any track experience?"

"YES! I'm really good at Gran Turismo!!!11!1!"

"Well, of course you are, slowly down pit road please."

clutch out, stall, repeat X3

what I learned from this thread is that racing humor isn't really humor at all.

It was the "funny" part that misled me.

OK, how's this for racing humor? My hooligan pal John, who runs a truly frightening Volvo 262 in stage rally (~500hp or so), had rolled it, and spent some quality time putting a new roof on it and dolling it back up nice and purty and got it ready for its next rally. Now this happened before he sorted out the suspension issues it had, replacing a bunch of cobbled together Ford stuff for proper Selholm bits. So he lined up for the start of stage 1 day 1, got about a mile into the stage, and rolled it. As they're hanging by their harnesses upside down, he turned to his codriver and said "Well that didn't take long, now did it?"

I'm re-reading the conversation up there...

..and I'm thinking I wouldn't care if I were the BMW driver.

Yeah. I'm wearing driving shoes on a Monday. And?

I drive an M3. So?

I know plenty of guys who wear driving shoes walking around. I know guys who wear Vans who currently don't own a skateboard. I know guys who wear combat boots who haven't ever shot a gun much less been to war. I know women who wear clear heels having never touched a brass pole for anything but going down the stairs.

Elitists. I'm so much better than they are.

Part of the cool part of the OP's story about Heyward is that he has gotten good at what is often known as a "cold read", where you make certain educated assumptions (if there is such a thing) about someone moments after you've met them. It's an old concept, popularized by Dale Carnegie, and employed by pchyics, profilers, etc.

It's a pretty useful talent, especially when you work with the public.

Man, I guess I mis-judged the crowd. Maybe you just have to know Heyward and his dead pan delivery style. If he hadn't won the SCCA Pro Solo National Championship I'd chalk him up to being just a loud mouth racer, but his driving backs him up. And he is a master of the cold read, he was a psych major.

Yeah he's probably an elitist, but I'd chalk this story up to the same kind of guy who wears his driving suit to the drivers meeting (or breakfast).

I think the story is designed for us to all chuckle about this kid with a BMW who thinks he is a racer so much that he wears racing shoes on monday.

When in reality, there are probably people that wear racing shoes on Mondays that could drive the pants off the person mocking him.

Its POSSIBLE he was a wanker show off who was pretending he was awesome. Its equally possible he wasn't. I'm not sure its fair to have a secret laugh about someone that you know nothing about, except for assumptions you make based on their appearance.

andrave wrote: I think the story is designed for us to all chuckle about this kid with a BMW who thinks he is a racer so much that he wears racing shoes on monday. When in reality, there are probably people that wear racing shoes on Mondays that could drive the pants off the person mocking him. Its POSSIBLE he was a wanker show off who was pretending he was awesome. Its equally possible he wasn't. I'm not sure its fair to have a secret laugh about someone that you know nothing about, except for assumptions you make based on their appearance.

Yeah, it was just meant to give people a chuckle, but I'm surprised anyone really took it seriously. Way too seriously.