This weekend is going to suck, hard.

Wife has asked for a divorce, but has been flip-flopping since and now says that she wants to work on it (now that I'm moving into a nice place this weekend). Speaking with an attorney this morning, thankfully my mom works in the US District Attorneys office, so I've already received some good advice.

And we have to take back the puppy we adopted a few months ago. I'm not going to make a dog live downtown in an apartment.

Now that she has dropped the bomb, I'm not even sure I want to work on it. Even if we could manage to fix things, she still is gone 4-5 nights per week because of her job.

Crap dude, I'm sorry

Ah man. Everything about that sucks.
Internet bro hug.

Yeah. That is going to suck. Sorry about that dude.

Do you think some counseling would help? Either you or her separately or together. Sometimes just having a disinterested 3rd party listen and cut through the BS can help clarify what exactly is or isn't going on as people communicate differently leading to poorly read signals and cues.

I'm really sorry to hear that.

The right kind of counseling helped my wife and me a lot. The wrong kind did not.

Flip-flopping is definitely not a good thing.

Ugh. Tis the season I guess... I just heard this same thing from a good friend.

Sorry for your troubles.

^At first she was adamant that she didn't want to work on anything and she was done. So I found a place to live and I'm moving out this weekend, that seemed to change her tone.

Datsun1500 wrote:

z31maniac wrote: Now that she has dropped the bomb, I'm not even sure I want to work on it. Even if we could manage to fix things, she still is gone 4-5 nights per week because of her job.

I'm with you on this. She made the decision. Once I started making plans to live elsewhere I wouldn't be able to go backwards. I'm stubborn like that.

Oh yeah, I told her if she wanted to work on it we could, but she has a lot of personal stuff she needs to deal with as well. I also told her regardless I was moving out as whatever happens, I figured it's best if we weren't under the same roof when she is home.

I'm going to be living in by the nicest place I've ever lived, but sleeping on an air mattress.

Sorry to hear man. If you ever want to get away to awesome Indy for a few days, you've got a bed waiting for you. (Not mine, that'd be weird.)

Yeah, either she was trying for attention and didn't expect you to call her bluff, or she needs to figure her E36 M3 out. Either way, I heartily approve your plan to keep going and not let her yank your chain. Take a few months and come to your own decision - and try counseling if you are so inclined - but don't move back and don't let her move in with you until YOU are sure it's the best idea.

Good luck, man, we're here to listen. Even if we can't stop ourselves from giving advice.

That sucks. I hope things work out in whatever way you want them to.

Sorry to hear. Good luck.

Duke wrote: Even if we can't stop ourselves from giving advice.

Hehe, if I didn't want your guys/gals insight/opinions, I wouldn't have posted.

Damn, I'm sorry to hear that man. Divorce is a painfully long process, at least here, but I hope things clear up and work out how they should.

Good luck to you.

Sorry man.

Good luck.

BeardedJag wrote: Damn, I'm sorry to hear that man. Divorce is a painfully long process, at least here, but I hope things clear up and work out how they should.

Thankfully we don't have children and only the cars and house have both names on them. Other than that, all monetary accounts have always been separate.

In OK, if there are no children involved and the divorce is uncontested (which is what we agreed to if it goes that way), you can get them done easily in less than 2 months.

Sorry to hear that, Z31. I hope that you guys are able to work it out, but only if that is what is best. Definitely hope she gets help with her personal issues.

SVreX wrote: I'm really sorry to hear that. The right kind of counseling helped my wife and me a lot. The wrong kind did not. Flip-flopping is definitely not a good thing.

What is the right kind, and what is the wrong kind?

Wish you the best of luck. And enjoy your new digs!

Sounds like you could go one of two ways really.

Call it and just go for the divorce.
Or, basically say that you can work on it, but that you need to do a trial separation period so you can both figure out what you want.

Best of luck, can't be an easy road to go down.

Datsun1500 wrote:

z31maniac wrote: Now that she has dropped the bomb, I'm not even sure I want to work on it. Even if we could manage to fix things, she still is gone 4-5 nights per week because of her job.

I'm with you on this. She made the decision. Once I started making plans to live elsewhere I wouldn't be able to go backwards. I'm stubborn like that.

Agree 100%.

Also, sorry about the suckage.

another internet bro-hug

In reply to mtn:

The wrong kind was a counselor who pre-assumed he knew the problem, because he had seen it before. He was heavy handed on me accepting responsibility for the majority of the problems, and seemed to feel uncomfortable holding her accountable as well.

The right counselor saved our marriage this past year. He was firm with both of us, demanded change from both of us, buried us in daily homework, and held BOTH of us accountable.

Once it became a problem we had both created, and were given the tools to effect change together, we were able to fix it.

I used to carry the blame, even when she erred. I was afraid to discuss with her, because she would get defensive and over react- which of course led to me being more afraid to discuss with her.

Now, we share the problems, as well as the solutions. I trust her more than I have in a very long time, because I get the honest sense that she is a partner, not an adversary.

But, it started with us BOTH getting honest. That's what the right kind of counselor should do.

Sorry.to hear.man, truly is the season it seems. My brother just caught the d-bomb himself. Wife is already shacked up with another dude, went to his place the other day, and all the pics and stuff are gone... Its straight gutted. Bro hug and all that, and lemme.know if you need anything. Always wiimg to lend a hand/ear/beer to a friend in need.

Some time apart could be a good thing no matter what the outcome.

When life gives you lemons, you paint that E36 M3 gold.

Besides, if you did get back together, would you, could you, ever trust her again?