United Airlines Revolutionizes the Boarding Process

This story could have gone in the rants thread but what the heck...

In the past year I have had to fly on United in order to visit my aging father in Southern Oregon. Last week I received an email from United letting me know that on my next layover in SFO I would be part of a new boarding process. Over the weekend I was honored to be one of the first to undergo the new system.

Today I get another email letting me know they are rolling it  out everywhere:

An alternate title for their new system could be "20% of Southwest and 80% SSDD". Here's why:

As the email says - it literally means that 2/5ths of the passengers queue up into two neat lines while the rest of us chill in anticipation of our turn at bat. Then groups 1 & 2 board. So far so good. Next they start calling the rest of the groups up - BUT NOT TO QUEUE in the rows. Groups 3,4 & 5 follow the normal "anarchy" system and just bunch up at the gate. (No the little signs don't have the numbers 3,4 or 5 on the back.) Approximately 5-10% of us on the plane must be routine Southwest passengers because we started filling up the rows after groups 1 & 2 left their turf. Group 3 went smoothly into the row formerly known as 1 and group 4 went into the old row 2. That is - we did that for about 2 minutes until the gate agents unleashed United's new mayhem system.

Keep in mind the system they are "improving" currently has THREE rows of fence with the 3rd row being for groups 3-5. So they got rid of the 3rd row in favor of the same system used in the street markets of Afghanistan. 

I chuckled at the "street markets" comment and then rejoiced that my life no longer requires business airline travel. 

I’ve traveled a lot.  My hometown United is my last pick.   

I'll never understand why we just don't have preassigned freaking bins. 

You pick your seats in advance. That seat is open to you whether your last or first. If it were up to me I'd sneak onto the jet just as they were closing the door.

Why do we make bins first come first serve, especially when we're only supposed to have one regulated item and one bag? Why do jet designers make more seats than there are bins? Make the bins smaller so that every seat has a bin. You don't use your bin? Great. The plane is lighter.

And it still goes completely over their heads that if they filled the plane from back to front it would be easier all around. 

Even without the useless wastes of space and money known as the TSA, I think airports and airlines exist mostly to berkeley with us. "Oh you want to get across the country in 7 hours? We can do that, but you're going to have to act like a mouse in a maze for the privilege" "no, we don't need that plane to cross the Atlantic in 3 hours, isn't an 8 hour flight so much nicer?" "Here's your daily reminder of how a seatbelt works" "we know you're just landing from a 12 hour day, and even though we're still moving people and planes through the airport, all the food shops are now closed because berkeley you"

Just give me my $6 shots of well vodka and duct tape those babies shut so I can clearly hear everything Karen from Boise feels the need to share with a total stranger. 

Which group gets you free admission to fight club?

In reply to EastCoastMojo :

After I have a couple of Samuel L. Jackson Ales at the airport bar, I'm making my way to Row 22!

Last one in.  Is how I roll.  I know I'm not the only one out there who does this.  If theres no bins, what are they going to do check my bag for free?  Oh no.

They should allow airline workers to carry electrified cattle prods and herd passengers down a chain link chute for boarding.  At least then they could drop the pretense of treating passengers like human beings.

They had 5 rows? Apparently i never flew with them. That would have melted my brain.  Ive been a southwest fan for a while and their boarding system seems to work the fastest.  

I dont get why airlines arent boarding by window seats, then middle row, then aisle(or whatever configuration, load outside in). The current zones on most airlines dont seem to help much, still turns into chaos. 

I still ask where the spiral staircase is to the lounge.  Every old flight attendant thinks it’s a stupid joke.  

AngryCorvair said:

In reply to EastCoastMojo :

After I have a couple of Samuel L. Jackson Ales at the airport bar, I'm making my way to Row 22!

It'll get you drunk!  You'll be berking fat chicks in no time!  You might even fight...

RevRico said:

And it still goes completely over their heads that if they filled the plane from back to front it would be easier all around. 

That's not actually true!

https://www.wired.com/2014/11/whats-boarding-airplanes-takes-forever/

Boarding speed costs airlines money. Knocking 30 seconds off loading each flight would make a massive difference with the thousands of flights each day. You can bet they've studied this out the wazoo. United is trying something that might work. When I flew United on Saturday, they actually were checking the sizes of people's carryons and taking them away at the gate. yeah baby.

What really screws over the airlines is the levels of privilege. I get it, travel sucks and pro travelers earn their perks. But I once counted 11 levels of special treatment before they even called Group 1 on an American Airlines flight. 11 different ways to jump the line and screw up the boarding process!

And the reason they show you how a seatbelt works is because the flight attendants are really safety equipment. IIRC, you have to be able to evacuate a plane in 90 seconds using only half the available exits. 10% of people don't wear their seatbelts in their car so they obviously need to be reminded. Source: I used to be a flight attendant.

In reply to Keith Tanner :

When seated in an exit row I find the irony that I am required to verbally answer that I understand and I am willing to help in an emergency but if I practice opening the door, it is a federal offense.  

TJL said:

I dont get why airlines arent boarding by window seats, then middle row, then aisle(or whatever configuration, load outside in). The current zones on most airlines dont seem to help much, still turns into chaos. 

Because everything comes to a halt when the 2 year old in the window seat is expected to board by himself?

Charge for checked bags? No dummies, you should charge for carry-ons.

They need to build in more storage bins , raise the seats 5 inches so a  bag will fit under it , 

Make Pods like Japanese Hotels so we can sleep , 

Let us go to our seats thru all the doors , both sides ......

Let us use the slide if we are in the back of the plane and late for the next flight , 

increase the percentage of laughing gas the longer we are sitting in the plane and not going anywhere , 

and free WiFi only if you have headphones

Yes I have been on too many LOOOONG  flights......

John Welsh said:

In reply to Keith Tanner :

When seated in an exit row I find the irony that I am required to verbally answer that I understand and I am willing to help in an emergency but if I practice opening the door, it is a federal offense.  

Ha! I HAVE opened them, it's not as exciting as you think. If I'm ever lucky enough to get into an exit row, I always look at the door and mentally practice the move. I could probably still go through my memorized evacuation announcements 25 years later, and I still know that the manual gear release access door on C-FRST is under seat 3D. Well, was. Training was 6 weeks of emergency procedures and a half day of in-flight service. Keep that in mind next time you're flying, they're not there to get you drinks.

In reply to Keith Tanner :

Strange, seems it would be easier back to front, but I understand herding people isn't an easy task. 

Truth be told, I've never had a problem with United. I've only flown about 2 dozen times, and they've been the majority of them mostly due to price when I book. 

I usually pay for the earliest loading group I can get and pick a seat far in the back, I only fly with a carry on so no lost luggage, and my connection flights rarely require a half mile sprint. 

I understand it's different flying for work, or more often in general, or with families, but as a single guy who can live out of a backpack, they were the best bang for the buck. 

Full disclosure, I haven't flown anywhere since 2013. 

A couple months before I was to retire, my boss wanted me to board the cattle car, spend a useless week in Germany sucking up to the locals and then ride the cattle car back. Following 25 years of being encouraged to be empowered and to take risks, I did so by saying no way - not gonna go. It was a special time. 

I had my share of business trips blessed with lost luggage, long/delayed/canceled/mechanical-problem flights sitting at the back of the bus to save money and traveling on weekends. I got used to being one of the last on and checking my bag to minimize the "jet set" experience. Now someone wants me to spend how many hours on the big, silver bird to go to Hawaii with her?

You could be doing it by boat or train. Or DC-3.

Instead, you are screaming through the air at 600mph watching YouTube.

8valve said:

Last one in.  Is how I roll.  I know I'm not the only one out there who does this.  If theres no bins, what are they going to do check my bag for free?  Oh no.

I am not sure why more have not figured this out.  If you are checking bags, WAY better to just “try” and carry them on as above.  Not only don’t you pay the $20 or $30 per bag, your bags go in the hold last, which means they come out first!  Of course if they do, they will just start charging for it.

The assigned overhead bin idea would GREATLY reduce boarding stress.

...another reason why I avoid flying like the plague... 

I fly somewhat frequently.  About 5-8x per year over the past 15+ years.  First, even though I do use them some, I hate...despise...Southwest.  The seating thing drives me nuts. 

Also being a Disney fan, I think the airline industry could use to take some lessons in efficiency.  For some rides at Disney, you are assigned a specific seat before loading.  You then go stand in the corresponding spot marked on the floor in the "pre boarding" area.  Then they load you into the car/ride vehicle based on that.  It's so efficient and easy.  For an airplane, start at the back and work your way forward.  So row 30 boards first (or whatever the last row is), window seats first, then middle, then aisle.  Then 29, 28, etc...  If everyone is lined up like that before boarding, it can go really fast.  It drives me nuts when you always get "that guy" or "that girl" who has zone one boarding, sits in row 4, bring 3 huge bags and takes his/her sweet time getting them in the bins and then sitting down.  It holds up the entire rest of the boarding process. 

As for the fight over storage bins, I simply don't understand the need to bring all of your earthly possessions into the cabin with you.  Everyone gets to bring one item the size of a typical school bookbag onto the plane, plus one small carryon that will fit under the seat.  Problem solved. 

As one of the people who do carry on only- the reason is that airlines still lose stuff.  We've been burned a few times, and family have almost lost luggage pre-cruise- which is a little hard to replace when you are at sea.  And it is considerably faster to 1) not have to check your bag when you get there, and 2) not have to wait for it to show up.  Of the total time of travel, that's a good .5-1 hour of time that you don't have to deal with.

Even better, when you get to where you are going, you are not burdened with a huge amount of luggage- it's just enough.  Traveling to Europe for two weeks with just carry on luggage is awesome- that's two bags that fit cleanly in the bin, and two that fit under your feet.  done.

One thing I'm curious about- I've never flown on a plane where 1) I didn't have an assigned seat and 2) we didn't board in some kind of organized zone-ish system.  So I'm wondering what kind of advancement this really is.  People will stand and wait to make sure they are ready to get on the plane the moment their zone is called- so I don't see people just sitting around while their zone is about to be called.