Wedding plans. aaarrrggghhhh!

Best thing I ever did was get married.     

  The second time. 

In reply to pinchvalve :

+1

Although we're not married yet, it's much much much better than the first attempt.

Im getting married in October.  We are doing a small wedding in a victorian mansion, less than 50 people. We are only inviting close friends, not every relative ever. I have friends flying in from Australia to go to the wedding and spend the week with us, one of my groomsman is flying across the US. Itll be a great time, our band is playing afterwards, the location is great and we are filling the whole event with our particular Usness even down to her song for walking down the aisle (nerdy, both of us are musicians playing a wide range of music so its perfect)

$39k is what an average wedding costs from what i read. Thats berkeleying ridiculous. We are spending a fraction of that, we got the venue during off season, our photographer is a family friend, since we are in the band its pretty cheap lol, cake is gonna be made by one of my groomsman.Now im down to catering and im about 5 seconds from buying/renting a huge grill and making it a family BBQ because......$75 ish a plate for food is stupid.

The fiancee has been supportive to my crazy idea of making the challenge this year even(im getting married on Oct 20th) it would require me and her cannonballing it back from the challenge to make it back by the 14th when our guests are arriving (we live in spokane wa so its a 40 hour drive one way) Does driving 40 hours back from the challenge in my 84 caprice racecar without stopping make good reading for the magazine? 

We both come from penny pinching families and when both sets of parents offered to "help" with costs we just took the money and kept things simple. Wedding was in a local church (free), officiated by a good friend, close family and very close friends only. Maybe 50 people total. We did lunch for everyone (had a few people make big pots of soup and sandwiches, high class) and parents and siblings helped decorate and set up chairs and such. We are cheap and didn't want the stress. Would've gone to Vegas, almost did, but she thought her mother would have never forgiven us... But I got lucky and married a gal who doesn't like big weddings or big crowds, and will always choose the least stressful, and usually cheapest, option in any situation.

Mine and the ex's is exactly how I liked it.

She was already going to be in Vegas for work stuff, so we decided to go ahead and do it there. Parents on both sides came out, got married at the little white wedding chapel, then went back to our hotel and we proceeded to take many tequila shots and have a nice steak dinner with everyone.

We waited until it cooled down and had a reception at her mom's house out in the country. Her step-dad smoked chicken, ribs, sausage, we bought a few kegs, my dad brought down his PA and DJ'd..........we even had some friends bring their camping stuff since they knew there would be much partying. 

My girlfriend now, I think we are just going to run off somewhere and elope when the time comes.

First time I got married, it was the 'traditional' big wedding at the ex's school's chapel. I hated all the picking things out and planning that had to be done for it, and the only part of it that I really truly enjoyed was that I got to see a number of friends that I hadn't since I'd started working halfway across the country from them. 

When the Dancer and I got married, we had both already had big, fancy, stressful formal weddings before. So we went to the courthouse with a handful of our closest friends as witnesses (both our families live at least a long day's drive away) and got legally married there and had a nice lunch with said friends afterward. A few days later when on our honeymoon we exchanged the vows we wrote on a beach in the Caribbean, which is the date that we typically count as being our anniversary. A few months later we threw a big party at a local restaurant that all our friends and family came to that served as the formal 'reception' for our wedding. Excluding the cost of the honeymoon itself, everything together cost under $2k and was for the most part drama-free.  We've never for a second regretted doing it the way we did- the only flack we got was from her mother, who wanted us to have a big fancy wedding, but she backed down pretty fast when it was pointed out she'd already gotten to do that once and that marriage had turned out disastrously.

So far (been married to the Dancer for a year longer than my first marriage lasted) the whole wedding situation has been fairly prescient for the marriages themselves- this one has had far less drama and gone far more smoothly and been about us just being happy together.

Make sure you do something memorable.  Last fall I was “wedding Stig” at a friends’ nuptials.

When TigerMom and I make things official we’ll either do the courthouse or Caribbean.

In reply to MazdaFace :

Best wedding I've been to yet was at a state park. It was one of my good friends from college and there were maybe 15 guests total, no real set agenda, and another friend officiated the "ceremony", for which he orchestrated a few little goofy rituals that were both fun for all and meaningful to the couple. The groom's karate mentor was nice enough to allow us all to stay in his very nice house that night, so we all went back there, bought pizza and beer, and had a great time celebrating. It was cheap, low key, and super fun. A few months later, they ended up doing a bigger thing for the extended families and whatnot, which was basically just a big barbeque at his grandfather's farm. Again, cheap, low key, super fun.

In contrast, what was probably the most expensive wedding I've ever attended was also one of the worst. It was a hugely pretentious country club affair, poorly organized and with too much on the agenda (I had the misfortune of beng one of the groomsmen and it took something like 3 hours to make it from the ceremony to the reception with all the picture taking and BS.) Most of the guests seemed more interested in schmoozing and boozing with whomever in attendance had more perceived wealth than they, rather than in celebrating with the bride and groom. I fail to see the appeal in any of this. 

I'm actually pretty burned out on weddings in general at this point, being at the time in my life when all my friends are hitting the marrying age. Between travel, hotels, tux rentals, wedding gifts, bachelor parties, ect. it gets to be a significant expense going to several weddings a year and more of a chore than anything at this point. Fortunately, the one I have coming up in June should be the last one for a while (likely until my own.)

Regarding the term SWMBO, I use it simply because no other term seems to fit my situation very well. We're not married, so I can't call her my wife, but girlfriend seems a bit too casual when we've been dating for going on 9 (!!) years now and own a house together. Partner I guess would be a better fit, but seems to connote homosexuality to many (Not that I have any issue with it, just what I have observed and I don't want to give people the wrong idea.) so I prefer not to use that term. I can't say I've put much thought into the meaning of "She Who Must Be Obeyed," but suffice to say we have a great relationship in which we are each supportive of each other's desires, goals, and best interests. Wouldn't have stuck together this long if we didn't. Really I just need to get off my ass and buy a ring so I can just call her "wife" .

So this is relevant to my interests as I literally JUST got married - like the ink is still wet on the license.

A few pro tips that I learned along the way:

• Please your wifey and yourself first.  Everyone else has to go with what YOU want even if it pisses off your family.
• Invite the people that are important to you, not who you are "supposed" to invite.  
• Tighten up the guest list before looking for a venue.
  • I had a close friend think everyone under the sun was going to come to a wedding, this locked them into venues for 300+, turns out approx 140 actually RSVPd and showed up.  Place seemed empty and was easy to get lost at.
  • We only had one couple decline out of 103 people invited.  Lost a few more day-of for weather and child related incidents but still ended up at over 90% of invited people showing up.
• Relax and have fun, all the people you hired are professionals.  You know how good you are at your job?  They would probably choke on Solidworks or sales or whatever it is you do, just like you are choking on wedding planning.
• Make sure you have a good "utility man" ideally someone with a truck or minivan at the ready.  
  • One of our ushers is a high level retail manager with a big line of credit and as such is equipped to deal with any crisis that may arise "day of".
• Spend money where it counts, skimp where it doesn't
  • IE - We ponyd up for good sitdown food, full open bar, a great DJ, and a super cool venue that was what we wanted.  Got a lot of complements on it, felt good to have a super cool party.  We saved money on flowers (didnt over-decorate, sourced from a high end grocery store my friend runs) and cake (cupcakes from same store, on a $30 home made cake stand and a $20 cake topper.  My friend spent $1500 on a GD CAKE TOPPER and $5k on flowers.  We were $800 out the door on flowers and cake. 
  • We went with the cheaper suits from a local guy, the service was actually better than Mens Warehouse and $60/suit cheaper.  Comfy, looked fine in pics.

Ashyukun (Robert) said:

...the whole wedding situation has been fairly prescient for the marriages themselves...

I've never thought of it that way before, but that statement has surprising truth to it.

Driven5 said:

collinskl1 said:

Since her parents are graciously footing the bill, they get what they want.

Beware.  Allowing a sense of entitlement from the parents on either side to run any significant aspect of your lives now, like the plans for your wedding, sets an unhealthy precedent for the ongoing long-term future relationship between said parent(s) and the two of you.  It's basically starting the family dynamic off on the wrong foot, and the longer it goes unaddressed, the harder it will be to correct. Their financial assistance should only ever be both offered and accepted as an unconditional act or not at all, putting your happiness and well being from it above anybody else's...Including their own.

Personally we're not big-wedding people, and we were glad we kept ours as modest as we did. We both agree that the most memorable and enjoyable weddings and receptions we've attended, have also been some of the most intimate and modest ones.  Also, we  both encourage people to at least consider if a destination wedding might be for them.  Even as nice as ours turned out, if we had known before the wedding what we knew after, we very well might have even gone that route instead.

As far as the typically tongue-in-cheek use of SWMBO goes, I do have a true SWMBO.  However, it's certainly not my wife...It's my infant daughter.  When she was born, her older sister was ceremoniously  promoted from SWMBO to Little Shop-Helper-In-Training. My wife however, has always been She-Who-Enables-Every-Thing-Automotive...Or more properly, just She-Who-Enables-Every-Thing.

I had two little SWMBO’s and I love them dearly. Now they are grown up and have lost that tittle.  But we love each other and she/she occasionally brings her S/HWMBO over for me to have fun with.  

My late wife and I shared duties. I obeyed her regarding domestic maters she obeyed me regarding fiscal matters. It lasted 34 years until God wanted her back.  

If my next one lasts as long I’ll be 104 years old. I’m not sure I’m up for it but knowing me I won’t quit.  I guess I’ll just have to see what God has in mind for me. 

In reply to KyAllroad (Jeremy) :

I see the white gloves, but you really should have worn the white boots as well. 

Ah weddings... something I'm likely to never have to worry about... 

Congrats!

Got married @ the courthouse, parents not in the picture. My best friend & his wife, her best friend & her husband. $100 & about 45 minutes including wait time-Done. 41 years ago last Saturday we're the only couple still standing.

Am I the only one who had to google what SWMBO was?  

BoostedBrandon said:

In reply to pinchvalve :

+1

Although we're not married yet, it's much much much better than the first attempt.

That makes three of us. 

Am I the only one that thought this was going to be a thread about welding plan?

frenchy - congrats!

This will keep the wedding party to a minimum.

Conga Rats!

We did the big thing. I wanted the big thing. I wanted a Catholic Church, I wanted beer, and I wanted my family there. Big family. 

If we were to do it again, knowing what I know now, I'd tell my wife and MIL that we could do it one of 3 ways: 

1: I do everything. Give me your guest list and whatever, if anything, you're going to contribute financially and I'll handle everything else

2: I do nothing. I'll give you my guest list, and you can figure out how to have us married with a Priest present, in the Chicagoland area, and what I can contribute. You figure EVERYTHING else out. Only requirement is beer and the guest list.

3: We call a priest in (one of two vacation spots) and take Moms and Dads and siblings and be done with it. Party later. 

All the berkeleying planning is so stupid. No, we don't need flowers on the table. Half the weddings we're at I take them off the table so I can see the person across from me. Stupid. Same with chair covers. And Pizza, or italian beef, or burgers are perfectly acceptable for food.

Additionally--and this is likely a non-issue for you, Frency--instead of not registering for anything and letting my wife do it, I'd voice my opinion much, much harder and we'd register for the following: 

-Flatwear

-Roomba

-Bedsheets

-Towels

And thats it. Nothing more. Talk about a crock. We have E36 M3 I'm still returning to Bed Bath 2.5 years later. Unopened. But nope, I got yelled at at the time for not picking anything for the registry. 

In reply to mtn : We have the things we need and want. So we decided that the guests could not bring presents