What would you do?

In reply to szeis4cookie :

I agree there is no reason to name names, but I don't work for that company. 

it appears that all the women who work there are barely restrained nymphomaniacs.

Are they hiring?

I find this thread entertaining because of all the other stuff going.  I’m sure SVrex doesn’t.  

In reply to spitfirebill :

I'm ok. I still know how to laugh. 

...even if someone gropes me!  Lol!!

SVreX said:

Its amazing how stupid it feels for a guy to even consider claiming sexual harrassment. 

But it's not stupid. It's something you should do. For yourself, your company, and your society.

This points to a problem I see with the gendered rhetoric of how we typically discuss harassment and abuse. Harassment and abuse isn't really about gender. It's about people. People harass people. People get harassed.

In reply to Beer Baron :

Of course you are right- it was just a statement of my feelings. 

Although there is no doubt in my mind that my boss (a man) will definitely not take me seriously and he completely dismissive.

In reply to Beer Baron :

Unfortunately, people like to just have fun.  And usually it's fun, it's fun, it's fun.....and then all the sudden it's not.  The problem with the way "sexual harassment" is defined these days (and I take annual certification training on this subject) is that it's whatever the harassee feels is harassment.  That sort of "I know it when I see it" sort of definition leaves a lot of room for people to get into trouble.

Friendly to the new person at work?  They might view your kindness as unwanted attention because they have some issues.  Having been on the receiving end of simply made up allegations I am stuck viewing every encounter I have through the lens of "how might this person misconstrue  my words?"    And with that awareness I see it every day, things are said around me and to me that are meant in an innocent way that if the wrong person took the wrong way, would lead to a complaint.

SVreX said:

In reply to Beer Baron :

Of course you are right- it was just a statement of my feelings. 

Although there is no doubt in my mind that my boss (a man) will definitely not take me seriously and he completely dismissive.

I know. And I know you know. I know that knowing doesn't change how it feels. It sucks.

It's a stupid position to be in because... I'm telling you that you should do this well aware that nothing will probably come from it beyond (hopefully) covering your own ass in the event that someone feels spurned and decides to flip the story on you. These things will only change when whole groups of people get together and come forward in a large enough group to not get dismissed.

I have had a hard enough time convincing bosses to just care about objective issues of basic safety, getting proper lock-out tag-out equipment and procedures, and giving people time to recover back to full when they're injured in ways that don't completely preclude working (e.g. a coworker who got 2nd degree burns on his foot, and couldn't stay on his feet for an entire 8-hour shift). I know it's going to be even harder to speak about something as subjective as sexual harassment.

It sucks that you might not be taken seriously because you'll be seen as a man accusing women, rather than as a person with a complaint about coworkers. But the only way that cultural shift will start is if you and people like you speak up.

SVreX , has this situation progressed to the point where it is now affecting your performance/mental stability? 

There is a gender gap in how we feel about this issue, and it compounds the problem. 

I now work in a female dominated environment, and somebody gives me an unsolicited hug 3 or 4 times per week.  The thing is, this is exactly how the women would like to interact with each other. If someone is having a bad day, they give a hug. Unsolicited.  

But the attitude is different toward men. An unsolicited hug from a woman is welcome. An unsolicited hug from a man is harrassment. 

I enjoy a hug as much as anyone, but NEVER in the work environment before this job.  Very simple. 

I think the boundaries are hard to understand for some women in a mostly female environment.

Its a little like the "N" word.  It's a welcome playful banter when coming from an African American.  It's a horrendous offense when coming from a Caucasian.

I honestly do not believe it is malicious.  It's a gender difference.  (Although there have been clear breeches  from several individuals, which I will have to handle separately).

I've got bigger fish to fry if I am going to succeed at this job.  I am just going to try to keep it in balance, and document as much as I can.  But it would be a kamikazee maneuver to make a mountain out of this particular mole hill.

There are  a lot of pieces to this puzzle, and I appreciate you guys (and gals) helping me try to sort it out.

(Edited- I was under estimating)

759NRNG said:

SVreX , has this situation progressed to the point where it is now affecting your performance/mental stability? 

The situation has not gotten better. My ability to manage it has. 

I think my mental state was worse when I started this thread.  Now, it's a bit of a curiousity for me to ponder (although the current issues in the news make it harder for me to process).

SVreX said:

759NRNG said:

SVreX , has this situation progressed to the point where it is now affecting your performance/mental stability? 

The situation has not gotten better. My ability to manage it has. 

I think my mental state was worse when I started this thread.  Now, it's a bit of a curiousity for me to ponder (although the current issues in the news make it harder for me to process).

 

That right there is the conundrum ...stay strong and focus ...... oh and have a Merry Christmas

I loves hugging me some wimmens.

If they want hug me, I'm not going to stop them.  Strangely enough, none here do.    

In reply to SVreX :

On a serious note, I think I would handle it this way. Respond briefly and appropriately to any uncomfortable Behavior. For example with the lady in the janitor closet say something like I certainly empathize with you and I'm glad you are feeling better. I'm not suggesting anything inappropriate but given the atmosphere in the workplace you must understand we must be cautious on a how we interact. Thank you for your understanding. And leave it at nothing more than that. A long-winded discussion will get you nowhere but in trouble. Then document it, the idea about sending yourself an email that will have a date and time on it is a good idea. I wouldn't even go to HR given it's a one man show. If the offending employee says anything just reassure her that you were not accusing her of anything inappropriate. And this kind of situation the less said the better.

While I agree that it should be documented with someone, I have to point something out:

Svrex... thank you for being a man that women can trust.  The world needs you.  Regardless of the uncomfortable situation, you have obviously lived a history that made you a safe place for at least one woman.  Take a moment and accept that you can be proud of yourself and still want to cover your butt.  In reality, tying up details protects you both, establishes boundaries, and makes for a better situation.  Outside of the work world, the best way is to just talk it out between the two of you.  Inside the work world, that's why you have HR.

But again, thank you for being a good man.

In reply to Curtis :

I appreciate that, Curtis.