The schools are at it again... 13 year old in juvenile detention after burping in PE class.
http://news.yahoo.com/suit-filed-nm-teen-cuffed-burp-class-212855763.html
What the heck are you guys doing over there while I'm away?
The schools are at it again... 13 year old in juvenile detention after burping in PE class.
http://news.yahoo.com/suit-filed-nm-teen-cuffed-burp-class-212855763.html
What the heck are you guys doing over there while I'm away?
Who else but the police should handle lessons of manners and good taste? Did you go to Hungary so you could burp and fart when ever you wanted? Good riddance I say.
This is what happens when you don't allow teachers to whack students with a ruler.
1988RedT2 wrote: This is what happens when you don't allow teachers to whack students with a ruler.
The rule of thumb for the students. I'm calling for it. Maybe there rule of wrist?
N Sperlo wrote:1988RedT2 wrote: This is what happens when you don't allow teachers to whack students with a ruler.The rule of thumb for the students. I'm calling for it. Maybe there rule of wrist?
Your a Boondock saint!
Joey
Some people don't know how to handle kids. The Principal can't, the teachers can't, so they call the police. Stupid people all around.
Well there are "oops it slipped out" burps and then there are those that are meant to be disruptive. Repetitive, window rattling, hair parting burps that change the color of the hair of the person in front of you.
I'm betting this was the latter.
In reply to carguy123:
Not sure that requires the police.
One Adam-12, one Adam-12, please see the man at 345 Whimsical Place about a child burping.
I don't understand why the police respond to these calls. I can see going out on the call, just to be safe ('cause I'm sure whoever dials dispatch doesn't say, "Hey, this kid just burped," more like "OMG DANGEROUS STUDENT HALP US!!") but when the law shows up and hears the 'complaint', why don't the cops laugh in their faces and get back in the car?
These stories aren't exactly good PR for the schools or the cops.
carguy123 wrote: window rattling, hair parting burps that change the color of the hair of the person in front of you.
What the hell have you been eating?
Got any more?
NPR had a whole thing about why the police are involved in these zero-tolerence schools. The bottom line is that it isn't a good idea for the kids or the police.
I am guessing the burp was the most notable and easiest to describe events in a series of disruptive and rude events...
And we have burdened our teachers with the responsibility to babysit these kids without real power to do anything... but then again their job should be teaching.. no un berkeleying some mess that is a parents responsibility..
Oh wait..
What this kid needs is probably more Ritalin, or diagnosed with some adhdhadd disorder and then special treatment to cater to his needs..
Or maybe he needs a dad who might whip his ass everyonce in a while... Instead of trying to sue the school when his little E36 M3 misbehaves...
But don't cha know.. this is the first time this kid ever acted up..
All that being said... I don't think they have found a proper solution.. but dang....
Giant Purple Snorklewacker wrote: Who else but the police should handle lessons of manners and good taste? Did you go to Hungary so you could burp and fart when ever you wanted? Good riddance I say.
Nah, I just thought it'd be fun to see the cars of Europe for a few years and maybe bring one back. But you'll have to forgive me when I say that news stories like this make me nervous to move back.
(I'm not saying the news here is going to be any better, I'm just saying I don't speak Hungarian
)
wvumtnbkr wrote: In reply to carguy123: Not sure that requires the police.
But the police are the only option they are given. I don't think it requires the police, but if you notice there has been a rash of police interference, I mean police calls to the schools because the schools don't allow any other action.
PC to a fault.
Its not police responding to a call its the internal police the school districts have now responding. Indianapolis public schools have their own police force to handle fights etc. I personally don't want my kid to be arrested for anything that isn't criminal. But then again I won't leave it in the schools hands to teach my child right from wrong or what socially appropriate behavior is.
Poor misunderstood child, was probably just trying to communicate:
http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2003/11/1110_031110_herringfarts.html
When I was a kid, we wouldn't think of doing something like this. Why? I went to a Catholic school taught/run by nuns from the Sisters of (no)Mercy. You THINK about doing something disruptive...they whacked you with a ruler, a pointer, something made out of wood, and your parents backed the nuns up, no questions of guilt or innocence.
My father attended a Catholic school run by a different order of nuns...the nuns at his school (according to him) never dreamed of using capital punishment.
I guess that's why he's still alive
Since no one will answer your question I thought I'd take a stab at it.
It depends upon the fart. There are many types of farts and I guess the value would depend upon what you are looking for.
Are you looking for volume or smell?
Farts tend to defy gravity and physics. Hot air rises correct? Which means you don't want to sleep in the top bunk, but sometimes they have a greater density than the air and they sort of ooze down on the bottom bunk unexpectedly. These also tend to be the most flavorful. Under a black light these tend to glow a sickly green and you can see it oozing almost like a river of fog. These also leave a taste in your mouth.
While I'm thinking about it you do realize that the smell comes from particles of the object being smelled, don't you?
"Odors are tiny molecules of chemicals from things like food, or flowers or poop that float through the air. Many odors aren't single scents or single kinds of molecules but a whole mixture of them. " from here - Yucky I'm ingesting poop!
Here is a short compilation of some of the different types of farts. Someone else can assign values based upon their needs.
The Alarm Fart - This is a good fart for the beginner. It is easy to identify. It starts with a loud unnaturally high note, wavers like a siren, and ends with a quick downward note that stops before you expect it to. It sounds like something is wrong. If it happens to you, you will know right off why it is called the Alarm Fart. You will be alarmed. The alarm fart however is rare. The dirty pants unfortunately aren't.
The Amplified Fart - This is any fart that gets its power more from being amplified than from the fart itself. A metal porch swing will amplify a fart every time. So will a plywood table,and empty fifty gallon drum, a tin roof, or some empty cardboard boxes if they are strong through being amplified in this way can be called an Amplified Fart. These are common farts under the right conditions. For example, if you're sitting on an empty 55-gallon steel drum.
The Anticipated Fart - This one warns that it is back there waiting for some time before it arrives. A person who is uneasy for a time in a crowd and who later farts at a time when they think no one will notice has farted an Anticipated Fart.
The Back Seat Fart - This is a fart that occurs only in automobiles. It is identified chiefly by odor. The Back Seat Fart can usually be concealed by traffic noise as it is an eased-out fart and not very loud. But its foul odor will give it away, due to the way air moves around in a car. It is often followed by someone saying, "Who farted in the back seat?"
The Barn Owl Fart - A familiarity with owl calls is helpful in identifying this fart. Almost any morning if you get up just before daybreak you can hear one of these birds talking to himself. It's a sort of a crazy laugh, particularly the way it ends. If you hear a fart that has about eight notes in it, ending on a couple of down notes, and it sounds maniacal, you have heard the rare Barn Owl Fart.
The Bathtub Fart - People who would never in their life know one fart from another, who would like to act like fart don't exist, will have to admit that a Bathtub Fart is something special. It is the only fart you can see! What you see is the bubbles. The Bathtub Fart can be either single or multiple noted and fair or foul as to odor. It makes no difference. The farter's location is what does it. Maybe there is a kind of muffled pong and one big bubble. Or there may be a ping ping ping and a bunch of bubbles. The sound I should point out depends somewhat on the depth of the water, and even more on the tub. If it is one of those big old heavy tubs with the funny legs you can get terrific sound effects. While one of the new thin ones half buried in the floor can be disappointing.
The Biggest Fart in the World Fart - Like the great bald eagle, this fart is pretty well described just by its name. This can either be a group one or a group two fart and can occur just about anywhere. I heard it one time, a group two identification, in a crowded high school auditorium one night, right in that silence that happens when a room full of people has stopped singing the Star Spangled Banner and sat down. It came from the back. There was not a soul in that room that missed it. A fart like that can be impressive. The most diagnostic characteristic of the Biggest Fart In The World is it size. Fart freaks who go around showing off, farting like popcorn machines, and making faces before they fart or asking you to pull their finger and then they fart, never have what it takes for this one, which is rare even among your most serious farter's. Many times it's that cute little girl that no one would expect it of.
The Bitburr: Sounds like just that--you're walking and the initial explosion "BIT!--" during one step is followed by a more gentle release of the rest of the volume during the next step: "brrrrrr..."
The Bullet Fart - Its single and most pronounced diagnostic characteristic is its sound. It sounds like a rifle shot. The farter can be said to have snapped it off. It can startle spectators and farter alike. Fairly common following the eating of the more common fart foods, such as beans.
The Burning Brakes Fart - A silent fart identified by odor alone. Usually and adult fart, occurring while the adult is driving a car or has a front seat passenger who farts. The Burning Brakes Fart actually does smell a little like burning brakes, and seems to hang around longer than most farts Which gives whoever farted a chance to make a big show of checking to see if the emergency brake has been left on. When he finds it hasn't you know who farted. A common automobile fart.
The Car Door Fart - Either a group one or a group two fart. Very tricky. It is meant to be a concealed fart. A matter of close timing is involved, the farter trying to fart at the exact moment he slams the car door shut. It is usually a good loud fart. It is one of the funnier farts when it doesn't work, which is almost every time. It is a desperation fart and not too common.
The Celestial Fart - Not to be confused with the Did An Angel Speak Fart, which is simply any loud fart in church. The Celestial Fart is soft and delicate, surprising in a boy or an adult. It is probably the most shy of all farts and might be compared with the wood thrush, a very shy bird. It does not have the sly or cunning sound of the Whisper Fart. It is just a very small clear fart with no odor at all. Very rare.
The Chicken Soup Fart: One day I had chicken soup for lunch at work and then stopped off at the gym after work. When it came on, I eased it out, covered by the gym's muzak. It smelled exactly like chicken soup. A few feet away some woman sniffed and said; "Is somebody cooking?" I had to turn to the wall to hide my laughter.
The Chinese Firecracker Fart - This is an exceptional multiple noted fart identified by the number, and variety of its noises, mostly pops and bangs. Often when you think it is all over, it still has a few pops and bangs to go. In friendly company this one can get applause. Uncommon.
The Command Fart - This fart differs from the Anticipated Fart in that it can be held for long periods of time waiting for the right moment. Unlike the Anticipated Fart, it is intended to be noticed. Harold Tabor recently held a Command Fart for the whole period in history class and let it go right at the end when the teacher asked if there were any questions.
The Common Fart - This fart needs little description. It is to the world of farts what the house sparrow is to the world of birds. I can see no point in describing this far any further.
The Crowd Fart - The Crowd Fart is distinguished by its very potent odor, strong enough to make quite a few people look around. The trick here is not to identify the fart but the farter. This is almost impossible unless the farter panics, and starts a fit of coughing or starts staring at the ceiling or the sky as though something up there fascinates him. In which case he is the one. Very common.
The Cushioned Fart - A concealed fart, sometimes successful. The farter is usually on the fat side, sometimes a girl. They will squirm and push their butt way down into the cushions of a sofa or over-stuffed chair and ease-out a fart very carefully without moving then or for some time after. Some odor may escape, but usually not much. Common with some people.
The Did An Angel Speak Fart - This is any loud fart in church. This fart was first called to my attention by my father. He probably read about it somewhere. For fart watchers who go to church, this is a good one to watch for as this is the only place it can be found.
The Dud Fart - The Dud Fart is not really a fart at all. It's a fart that fails. For this reason it is strictly a group one identification fart, because there is no real way you can identify a fart that somebody else expected to fart but didn't. It is the most private of all farts. In most cases the farter usually feels a little disappointed.
The Echo Fart - This is a fart that can be wrongly identified. It is not some great loud fart in an empty gym or on the rim of the Grand Canyon. The true Echo Fart is a fart that makes its own echo. It is a two-toned fart, the first tone loud, then a pause, and then the second tone. Like an echo.
The G and L Fart - This is one of the most ordinary and pedestrian of farts, known to everyone. Certainly it is the least gross. If you have not already guessed, G and L stands for Gambled and Lost. One of the most embarrassing of all farts, even when you are alone.
The Ghost Fart - A doubtful fart in most cases, as it is supposed to be identified by odor alone and to occur, for instance, in an empty house. You enter and smell a fart, yet no one is there. People will insist that only a fart could have that odor, but some believe it is just something that happens to smell like a fart.
The Hic-Hachoo-Fart Fart - This is strictly an old lady's fart. What happens is that the person manages to hiccough, sneeze, and fart all at the same time. After an old lady farts a Hic-Hachoo-Fart Fart she will usually pat her chest and say, "My, oh my," or "Well, well." There is no reason she should not be proud, as this is probably as neat an old person's fart as there is.
The Jerk Fart - The Jerk Fart is a fart by a jerk who smirks, smiles, grins, and points to himself in case you missed it. It is usually a single-noted, off-key, fading away, sort of whistle fart, altogether pitiful, but the jerk will act as if he has just farted the Biggest Fart in the World Fart.
The John Fart - The John Fart is simply any ordinary fart farted on the john. It is naturally a group one identification, with the sound, whatever it was, somewhat muffled. If it is all the person's trip to the john amounted to he will be disappointed for sure. Common as pigeons.
The Lead Fart - The heaviest of all farts. It sounds like a dropped ripe watermelon. Or a falling body in some cases. It is the only fart that goes thud. Except for the odor, which is also very heavy, it could be missed altogether as a fart. What was that, you might think? And never guess.
The Malted Milk Ball Fart - Odor alone is diagnostic and positively identifies this fart. It smells exactly like malted milk balls. No other food works this way. It is rare.
The Oh My God Fart - This is the most awful and dreadful stinking of all farts - a fart that smells like a month-old rotten egg - as the Oh My God Fart. If you should ever encounter it, however, you may first want to say, oh sh*t, which would be understandable.
The Omen Fart - This is the adult version of the Poo-Poo Fart. About the only difference is that the farter will not say anything. He will just look kind of funny and head for the john. This one is easy to spot if you pay attention.
The Organic Fart - Sometimes called the Health Food Nut Fart. The person who farts an Organic Fart may be talking about the healthy food he eats even when he farts. If he is heavily into health foods he may even ask if you noticed how good and pure and healthy his fart smells. It may smell to you like any other fart, but there is no harm in agreeing with him. He is doing what he thinks is best.
The Quiver Fart - A group one identification fart only. When you fart, it quivers. If it tickles, then it is the Tickle Fart. If you have to scratch it, then it is the Scratchass Fart.
The Rambling Phaduka Fart - You must not be fooled by its pretty-sounding name, as this is one of the most frightening of all farts. It is frightening to farter and spectator alike. It has a sound of pain to it. What is most diagnostic about it, however, is its length. It is the longest-lasting fart there is. It will sometimes leave the farter unable to speak. As though he has had the wind knocked out of him. A strong, loud, wavering fart, it goes on for at least fifteen seconds.
The Relief Fart - Sound or odor don't matter on this one. What matters is the tremendous sense of relief that you have finally farted. Some people will even say, "Wow, what a relief." Very common.
The Reluctant Fart - This is probably one of the oldest farts known to man. The Reluctant Fart is a fart that seems to have a mind of its own. It gives the impression that it likes staying where it is. It will come when it is ready, not before. This can take half-a-day in some instances.
The Rusty Gate Fart - The sound of this fart seems almost impossible for a fart. Is is the most dry and squeaky sound a fart can make. The Rusty Gate Fart sounds as if it would have worked a lot easier if it had been oiled. It sounds like a fart that hurts.
The S.B.D. Fart - S.B.D. stands for Silent But Deadly. This is no doubt one of the most common farts that exists. No problem of identification with this one.
The Sandpaper Fart - This one scratches. Otherwise it may not amount to much. You should remember that if you reach back and scratch, it automatically becomes a Scratchass Fart. Common.
The Shower Fart: These are a lot worse than bathtub farts, due to conditions of humidity and heat. George Carlin once said that you can tolerate the smell of your own farts, but shower farts are the exception to that rule.
The Skillsaw Fart - A truly awesome fart. It vibrates the farter. Really shakes him up. People back away. It sounds like an electric skillsaw ripping through a piece of half-inch plywood. Very impressive. Not too common.
The Snart: This is a fart that you succeed in suppressing so as not to not to offend, but then a sneeze jars it loose.
The Sonic Boom Fart - The people who believe in this fart claim it is even bigger than the Biggest Fart In The World Fart. The Sonic Boom Fart is supposed to shake the house and rattle the windows. This is ridiculous. No fart in the world shakes houses and rattles windows. A fart that could do that would put the farter into orbit or blow his crazy head off.
The Splatter Fart - Unfortunately the Splatter Fart exists. It is the wettest of all farts. It probably should not be called a fart at all.
The Stutter Fart - If you think stuttering is funny, this is a very funny fart. It is a fart that can't seem to get going. The sound is best described as pt,pt,pt-pt,pt-pt-pt,pop,pop-pop-pop-POW! It is usually a forced-out fart that gets caught crossways, as they say, and only gets farted after considerable effort.
The Taco Bell Fart - The Taco Bell Fart is far richer and full-bodied than your ordinary Junk Fart and takes longer to build up. Sometimes hours or even a day. But it will get there. And it will hang around after, too. Even on a windy day.
The Teflon Fart - Slips out without a sound and no strain at all. A very good fart in situations where you would rather not fart at all. You can be talking to someone and not miss saying a word. If the wind is right he will never know.
The Thank God I'm Alone Fart - Everyone knows this rotten fart. You look around after you have farted and say, "Thank God I'm alone." Then you get out of there fast!
The Tickle Fart - A group one only and one of the easiest to identify. Usually a slow soft sort of fart. If you like being tickled this is the fart for you!
And YES you can light Farts. If done properly it's almost like a blowtorch. If done improperly the person holding the lighter will set the hair on the poor guy's legs on fire or put a large brown stain on his underwear.
If it's not done properly, usually because the exhaust is too slow, or your underwear too thick, it can back up in your shorts and cause light blue flames to light up the interior of your shorts leaving you with a strange bald spot on your body as well as causing you to jump around and scream a lot. You can wake up a whole dorm full of college students when that happens. But you know what, it doesn't deter anyone. 5 minutes later another fool is saying - Hurry, get a lighter!
You need a quick blast of air for the best and safest fart lighting. Unfortunately you don't normally know what kind of fart you are going to have until too late.
You forgot the Old Fart.
when farts go horribly wrong
Here it is done properly
And then there are these:
In bed, but thankfully no head under the covers
Doctor's True Incident: One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
A woman goes into the doctor's office and says, 'Doctor, you have to help me...I've got this problem: You see I can't stop farting. I fart all the time, only they are silent and don't stink. As a matter of fact, I've farted 20 times just now while talking to you.'
The doctor fills out a prescription and tells the lady, 'here, take these and come back in a week'.
So she leaves and a week later comes back to the doctors office. 'Doctor, doctor you must help me! Now things are worse. I'm still farting all the time, they are still silent but now they smell something awful. You must do something! What were those pills you gave me?'
The doctor replied, 'Oh don't worry, those pills where just to fix your sinus condition, now we'll work on your hearing problem.'
But I saved the best for the last - see the little quiet girl sitting in the corner. See, you can light them
This video can lead you to many others.
EastCoastMojo wrote: You forgot the Old Fart.
I resemble that remark
I got detention hall after school once in 5th grade for farting in class. The detention hall wasn't all that bad. It consisted of staying after school for like 30 minutes or so and having to write a paragraph explaining what you did wrong and why it was wrong. The problem, was staying for d-hall meant my bus was long gone by the time I came out. My mother came up with the idea that the D-hall was not much of a punishment at all, in fact that it was more of a burden to her than me, because what did I care if I had to sit at at a desk for another 30 minutes, but she had to drive all the way to my school and then back home to pick me up. Her solution was to make me walk home from school. It was about 10 miles or so. Each time I got D-hall I had to spend a lot of time hoofing it home, unless I was lucjy enough to get someone else roped into my shenanigans that happened to live in my neighborhood. Turns out everyone else's mother would come pick them up at school.
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