When someone say's they are sick or any other general ailment... My response is usually "Same thing happened to my grandma 3 days before she died."
When someone say's they are sick or any other general ailment... My response is usually "Same thing happened to my grandma 3 days before she died."
Couldn't hit the broad side of a barn with a bulldozer.
Life is a lot like soccer. My mom signed me up for it and I'm not really enjoying it.
Toyman! said:Couldn't hit the broad side of a barn with a bulldozer.
My dad's version of that was "Couldn't hit a bull in the butt with a bass fiddle."
That guy is a sandwich short of a picnic.
Grab the bull by the balls and run with it.
You're entitled to your own opinion, no matter how wrong it might be.
"I don't mind you lying to me, but it's just sad that you are lying to yourself."
"I could agree, but then we'd both be wrong" has been said before, but it really speaks to me.
"Go fast, turn left."
"That guy is about as sharp as a sack of wet mice" - Foghorn Leghorn
We'll burn that bridge when we get there
Not the sharpest light bulb in the tool shed.
A squirrel would die of starvation jumping from your ego to your IQ.
Does the tin man have a sheet metal cock?
Joke 'em if they can't take a berkeley!
Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.
Mark Twain
That boy is as sharp as the edge of town.
You're so dumb, you couldn't run a coat hanger.
"Some people are in charge of lives, who shouldn't be in charge of pens."
-- singer Graham Parker
"All the gear and no idea"
"I'd like to help you out, which way did you come in?"
He couldn't operate a screwdriver.
eastpark said:I always liked saying "Good For You" when the need arose.
I've been known to use "Your mother and I are very proud" when I want to be particularly condescending.
When someone is complaining about someeething you can't empathize with:
"I'm reaching, but I just can't feel ya."
Usually accented with an outstretched arm and a blind grasping motion.
In reply to NickD :
In that situation, my go-to is usually "That sounds like a you problem".
Especially if it is self-inflicted.
When someone asks if you're excited about something
"Like a youth pastor at sleep away camp."
If they take it as offensive it's both telling and on them.
When someone says "I'm only doing my job".
The appropriate reply is: "That's what my scoutmaster said."
"Not my barrels, not my monkeys."
I know a lot of people say "Not my circus, not my monkeys," but I like my version because it reminds me of the toy.
"If you're looking for sympathy, you know where you can find it? Right between E36 M3 and syphilis in the dictionary." - One of my late father-in-law's favorites.
BoulderG said:"Some people are in charge of lives, who shouldn't be in charge of pens."
-- singer Graham Parker
Heh. In the webcomic Freefall, there was a manager who was so useless that he was put in charge of paperclips (in an all digital, paperless society - they had no trees to make paper with!) and he engineered a way to control 450 million inhabitants.
Wonder if the writer was a fan.
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