Who goes on holiday and leaves their kid to go off to University on their own?

Just venting. A neighbor couple who have a history of treating their kid like a minor irritation have gone on holiday (hiking) for two weeks, leaving her to pack up and move to her new University residence on her own. She is 17.  So she will pack, book a bus, ferry and taxi with all her years possessions and head off. My wife is now helping her out. I feel like driving out to the Rockies, finding them and banging their heads together. 

If you have kids, consider them to be more like your Miata than your push mower. 

Some people should not have children

I was in a summer program at a college between junior and senior year in HS. One of the kids on my hall had a 3 week stretch where he couldn't contact his parents back home. Like suddenly their phone was disconnected (this was pre-cell, we had one pay phone on the hall.) They finally called him, turns out they move 2 towns over without telling him. 
 

some people are real jerks to their kids. 

In reply to ultraclyde (Forum Supporter) :

About 3 months after I bought my house a bunch of boxes arrived via UPS. Same last name as the previous owner. I did not have their phone so I brought them in and hoped they would come pick them up. 

A week later this very young kid showed up to "his parents home". I had to tell him his parents had moved. 

Found it extremely weird. 

In reply to ultraclyde (Forum Supporter) :

Wait, that's the threat we tell our annoying 17 year old know it all.  

so it's now a bad thing?

That's basically what happened to me. I didn't see an issue. My Dad did drive with me in a different car, we got to the parking lot, said goodbye, and he left. Also pre cell phone, maybe 500 miles from home. I packed myself and unpacked myself.

How else are they supposed to learn to adult?

RevRico said:

How else are they supposed to learn to adult?

This. I have done my best to raise independent kids. I'll admit I didn't go on vacation while my daughter moved herself to college but I helped her as little as possible. It was her responsibility to manage it and ask for help if she needed it. She tried very hard to stuff a dorm fridge in the back of a Camaro before she asked me to help her move with the truck. 

Once they hit 18 or so, I offer suggestions. I offer assistance. I do not do anything for them. They get to live with the consequences of their actions or inaction as they choose.

I packed up all my E36 M3 in my car and drove myself to school/moved in.  I'm not seeing this as an issue.

I would expect the parents to help if she needs it though.

My first thought upon reading was "That kid's going to be pretty capable and independent".

Personally, I'd want to be there to at least hug them before they leave and drop some parental wisdom on the way out, but I don't see much wrong with the kid handling it all.

STM317 said:

Personally, I'd want to be there to at least hug

I wonder if their attitude is "she'll be back in 3 weeks anyway" 

RevRico said:

How else are they supposed to learn to adult?

There is a substantial difference between encouraging independence and being a total douchebag about it.  These "parents" are well beyond the douchebag realm.

Leaving aside the whole question of physically helping her with the task, this is an exciting and scary time for their daughter.  She's making her first steps out of the house, she's starting a new phase of her growth, she's contemplating her future and what she wants to do with her life.

And these shiny happy people have just stated in no uncertain terms that all of this means nothing to them. 

I'm actually seriously pissed off on the poor kid's behalf, and it's the child of a neighbor of someone that I'll probably never ever come close to meeting in real life.  I hope she tells her parents to kiss her ass and never talks to them again.

Good luck to the young woman and good on you folks for helping her - that demonstrates that at least somebody gives a E36 M3 about her and thinks she's worth something.

It is not so much learning to adult, as a 17 year old who has been left to fend for herself learned that long ago. It is the fact that you let your only child reach a major milestone in her life and not caring enough to postpone a hiking trip.

bearmtnmartin said:

If you have kids, consider them to be more like your Miata than your push mower. 

Hey.. my daugther just learned to use a push mower and it's GLORIOUS...

My wife is a teacher.. she sees all kinds.  seems like just being kind is tough..

bearmtnmartin said:

It is not so much learning to adult, as a 17 year old who has been left to fend for herself learned that long ago. It is the fact that you let your only child reach a major milestone in her life and not caring enough to postpone a hiking trip.

So much THIS.  Their behavior shows a stunning lack of interest in a huge event in their childs life.  I'm trying to raise my kids to be able to stand on their own and be independent.  That said, I make sure I'm at every single one of their events, because I *want* to be!

I can paint all sorts of situations where this would not be a big deal. For me, and my older brother, it would have been just fine. My parents would not have been able to deal with it. For my younger brother, it would not have been ok. At all. 

The fact that your wife is over there helping her indicates to me that this is a dick move.

My prediction; 20 years from now these parents will be sitting at home whining about how the kids never come to visit and they hardly ever see their grandkids. Just wait. 

I'm all for teaching independence. At the end of the day that's really the whole job, isn't it? Turn the kids into functioning adults? But you can still teach that while letting the kids know you give a berkeley. This is the girls first time moving out of the house. Its exciting, it's scary, it's a big deal. They should have been there to see her off. 

gearheadmb said:

My prediction; 20 years from now these parents will be sitting at home whining about how the kids never come to visit and they hardly ever see their grandkids. Just wait. 

I'm all for teaching independence. At the end of the day that's really the whole job, isn't it? Turn the kids into functioning adults? But you can still teach that while letting the kids know you give a berkeley. This is the girls first time moving out of the house. Its exciting, it's scary, it's a big deal. They should have been there to see her off. 

At a bare min, the kid will have no reason to visit home, regardless of the situation.  Wedding, birth of a baby, parents getting sick, deaths,  etc.  

I was taken to college, and still managed to be independent.  Not sure how abandoning the kid helps that other than making it more mentally challenging.

RevRico said:

How else are they supposed to learn to adult?

When you find out, let me know. She's almost 21. 

Mndsm said:

RevRico said:

How else are they supposed to learn to adult?

When you find out, let me know. She's almost 21. 

That one is easy, but her mom might not like it

bearmtnmartin said:

It is not so much learning to adult, as a 17 year old who has been left to fend for herself learned that long ago. It is the fact that you let your only child reach a major milestone in her life and not caring enough to postpone a hiking trip.

Yeah. I figure they ought to bring her up and help move in for her freshman year at least. If she'd already spent a year in college, this wouldn't seem like much of a big deal, but going off to college for the first time is a big deal and I'd want to be there for my kids.

mtn (Forum Supporter) said:

The fact that your wife is over there helping her indicates to me that this is a dick move.

I will agree with this.

But I think its really hard to make a judgement on this without more detail. This is the only real info provided in the thread that carries any weight.  

Its a big deal to some people, not a big deal to others.  Just like some people think graduation ceremonies are a big deal, while others give zero berkeleys.

I think claiming that these parents should be disowned or are abandoning the daughter is a pretty absurd stance.

My sister in law wanted a bunch of kids now they're just an inconvenience and she wants them gone as manu hours a day as they can be.    Prettt sure she wanted little trophies to parade around to everyone, my neice is basically her dancing monkey.  "Sing for x, dance for y, show them how good you are at z"
 

stop having kids if you don't want them, people.  

And this is why we didn't have kids. I'm selfish and I know it. 

bobzilla said:

And this is why we didn't have kids. I'm selfish and I know it. 

And that's cool; no problem.  Not having kids because you don't want to deal with them is perfectly valid.  But once you do have kids you have to treat them like human beings.

Same as people who get married knowing they're going to berk around.  You don't want to be monogamous?  Fine - but then don't get married and pretend you will be.