We adopted a girl from Korea - at the time it was quicker than domestic. My sister adopted two kids before us and we just followed her steps with the adoption agency.
We adopted a girl from Korea - at the time it was quicker than domestic. My sister adopted two kids before us and we just followed her steps with the adoption agency.
BARNCA wrote: I have long wondered why people in the states tend to adopt kids from foreign countries. I have read locally that a couple was adopting a kid from russian and the russian govt has come down on americans adopting russian kids. just wondering..
We tried and it's nearly berkleying impossible. We were foster parents for over a year and took in over a half-dozen kids, including emergencies right off the street, did all the mandatory state training, plus SWMBO's a teacher and I'm former military both with squeaky-clean backgrounds and a ton of local family support. We're thinking about adopting again now that we're ready for kid #2, and I can almost guarantee the US won't be in the running at all.
In reply to Javelin:
An adoption attorney is a much different and much easier experience than foster care. All it takes to be on their list is a first consult and a portfolio.
The whole adoption process needs an overhaul. 
It is totally wrong, IMO, to give these birth-parents all these rights to return. I'm an adoptee, and I would not want some bio-mom who couldn't make a decision stealing me back from the parents who are raising me. These laws are slanted towards the birth factory, not the child and it's best interests. There is no way it should be so expensive, either.
Conversely, I also think that when an adoptee turns 21 they should have access to a lot more information about their birth family. Maybe not enough to ID someone with, but a whole lot more than the zero most are entitled to now. Not knowing where you came from isn't something most people can understand. I feel badly for the foreign adoptees who have zero chance of finding out much of anything about their origins.
My sister in law and her husband have been trying to adopt for years. They were approved for adoption and were willing to take children with emotional problems / etc, but just couldn't get a kid. Every time a child ended up "available," someone else got to them before she did. To put it crassly, there's a lot of demand and not a lot of supply.
Another thing is, we don't have kids that fall through the cracks like we used to. There aren't a lot of orphans in the US just kind of "in storage" in orphan homes like back in the day. That's a good thing. But places like Russia, they do still have orphan homes full of kids with no family structure - foster or otherwise. The latest stat I heard was 700,000 orphans. That's something a want-to-be adoptive parent wants to help fix.
In the case of Russian adoptions specifically, I figured the kids being white was a major factor...they say there's no shortage of kids to adopt, just a shortage of white kids to adopt.
My wife and I are in the process of adopting a domestic infant right now. (He's due Feb 3!) After all the legal fees and requirements, we'll probably have spent in the range of ~$12k, not including normal baby costs. The majority of that is in legal fees.
Adopting domestically vs foreign is a set of tradeoffs. Probably the cheapest way to do it right now is via the foster system.
Foreign:
- generally, pretty close to a fixed price on a per-country basis
- often guaranteed to have a child available once you jump through all the hoops
- basically, you choose the child
- don't have to deal with birthparents at all
- giving a child opportunities he wouldn't have in birth country
- often doesn't look anything like you (ie obviously of different ethnicity, etc.)
- youngest you can do is generally 6-18 months
- can have language/culture barriers at first with child
- don't have any medical history whatsoever
Domestic:
- can often adopt from birth
- birthmother often chooses the adoptive parents
- variable pricing
- can be more risky legally (birthparents wanting child back)
- more likely to have similar ethinicity, etc.
- likely to have some medical history
- often have to wait for a child to be available
- can have communication with birth parents
- transition of child at birth is less traumatic
I think in some ways foreign adoption can be easier on the children too. I have several friends that were adopted. One of them was a local adoption. He found out in high school that his birth mother was actually living in the same city as him (at least at the time of his adoption), when he was previously told that the birth parents had to live a certain distance from the adoptive parents. After that he only dated black and asian women because he was TERRIFIED of accidentally having sex with someone he was related to. He also had a lot of internal battles on whether he should try to track down him birth parents once he became an adult. Foreign adoptions don't really have to worry about that stuff as much. I'm also good friends with two girls that were adopted from Korea, and they both seem to be more well adjusted and have less issues with being adopted than my locally adopted friend.
GameboyRMH wrote: In the case of Russian adoptions specifically, I figured the kids being white was a major factor...they say there's no shortage of kids to adopt, just a shortage of white kids to adopt.
Why would someone care?
I havent read every post, so Forgive me if this has been covered.
But, I have read in the paper (USA Today IIRC) that adoption in general is getting VERY difficult in the US, for 2 reasons:
Many larger countries that had been a big source for international adoption children have cut off or limited access to Americans - Russia, Korea, the Philippines, CHina etc have all either completely cut off adoptions, or limited them severely for one political reason or another.
Inside the US, successfully raising a healthy, productive and well adjusted child to maturity as a single parent is much more plausible due to increases in access to social welfare. Its also more accepted socially - putting less social pressure on single parents to place their child in an adopted family.
As someone who will likely be unable to reproduce naturally, this has been a topic of some concern to my Wife and I. We are having more frank honest conversation about fostering to adoption, but arent sure yet what direction we will go in.
93EXCivic wrote:GameboyRMH wrote: In the case of Russian adoptions specifically, I figured the kids being white was a major factor...they say there's no shortage of kids to adopt, just a shortage of white kids to adopt.Why would someone care?
Dunno but it's a well-known phenomenon in adoption. I guess if white parents have a black kid it'll be obvious they adopted, maybe some are trying to "fly under the radar" for some reason?
A big reason for adopting a child who "looks like you" is that you get to choose when you have the "why you were adopted" discussion with the child. A mixed ethnicity family means the fact that the child is adopted is a topic of discussion with everyone you meet whether you want it to be or not.
GameboyRMH wrote: Dunno but it's a well-known phenomenon in adoption. I guess if white parents have a black kid it'll be obvious they adopted, maybe some are trying to "fly under the radar" for some reason?
I'd imagine it doesn't take long to get tired of dealing with rude questions from strangers about why your child doesn't look like you. It's probably easier for the kid when he's in school as well -- why give the other kids in middle school more ammo?
GameboyRMH wrote: Dunno but it's a well-known phenomenon in adoption. I guess if white parents have a black kid it'll be obvious they adopted, maybe some are trying to "fly under the radar" for some reason?
According to the many adoptive parents we talk to, it can get old answering inane questions that people wouldn't dare ask about biological children. Apparently, people wind up asking many questions that are just downright insulting to the child, the adoptive parents and/or the biological parents.
Having a child that "looks like you" keeps those questions to a minimum from strangers. So, I guess that's a yes to your question.
Different communities have different levels of accepting transracial/transcultural adoption too. Some people have to deal with stares, questions, threats, etc.
My sister has adopted four children who have obviously different ethnicity. As mentioned above, the kiddos know they are adopted. Though I don't think my sister would have ever kept that a secret. We are in the middle of Vermont, and as you might imagine there as been some drama related to race. Overall as a family, they are stronger for it. The two eldest are girls in their teen years. From what I know the girls fit in well at school and now the only drama is typical teen drama rather than anything racial. Certainly think depending on where you live in the country, you might find more difficult circumstances relative to race. I thought here in redneck country, that it might be a real bumpy ride. What I have found pleasantly surprising is the reminder around here that folks tend to rely on the content of ones character first and foremost. A good kid is a good kid no matter what color their skin might be.
In reply to SVreX:
Nurture vs Nature
ddavidv wrote: I feel badly for the foreign adoptees who have zero chance of finding out much of anything about their origins.
One of the admins on SomethingAwful was adopted from Africa to an American family when he was a kid. He doesn't know anything at all about his birth parents, or what his real birthday is, his approximate age is based on an educated guess.
If you think that's depressing at all, you really don't want to hear the story of when he went back to the village he came from.
In reply to 4cylndrfury:
Newspaper articles are ALWAYS full of inaccuracies so don't let that one depress you. There are still many many children/babies adopted by non family members every year in the US. There are many options so just research the heck out of all of them and pursue the ones that sound tolerable to you. There have been several very informative long threads on here that many of the posters in this thread have been involved in. A quick search of our past posts will probably at least get you started.
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