You just can't make up this stuff

http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/09/07/sausage.attack.ap/index.html

That's insane on so many levels.

Good find!

CNN said:Story Highlights Authorities: Burglar woke victims by slathering one with spice rub Burglar whacked the other with an 8-inch sausage, officials say Money was recovered from suspect, sheriff says

Nice.

You can't even sleep in your own bed without some dude breaking in and whacking you with his 8-inch sausage...

I see a sausage attack in the perp's future...

How does the one guy know he was awakened with a sausage? I mean, did the other guy witness it and say, "Dude, you were just whacked with a sausage!", or did he wake up enough to have his wits about him just before he was whacked to say to himself, "I know that dude is not about to whack me with that sausage." I suppose he could have been whacked, woken up and then said, "Why does my face smell like sausage?", but that just seems unlikely considering the nature of his awakening. I doubt if I was woken up by being whacked in the face that I would stop to ask myself, "What was I whacked with?" but rather, "Who must I now kill for whacking me in the face while I was asleep?"

This is the kind of thing that happens when you let the twenty-somethings have spice rubs and sausages at the same time. I can just see him now, it's early in the morning and he's standing there in his kitchen thinking to himself, "What am I going to do with this sausage and all this spice rub?"

Who has time to measure during an attack. You never hear "He was beaten with a 33" Louisville Slugger" And what type of sausage was it. I'd be curious to know if maybe one type makes a better bludgeon than another

Hey, Mythbusters proved sausage can be used as rocket fuel. So why not use it as a robbery weapon? The even weirder part: they found the guy wearing boxers and a T shirt. No pants?

Are they sure it was 'spices' being rubbed? Oh, wait: I bet he's really Hannibal and he just blew his witness protection program cover.

Did he bring the spices with him or find them in the home? If I'm more likely to be assaulted with my own spices, I'll be sure to keep the dangerous ones locked away better.

Or would that be, "a-salted with my own spices"?

Groan.

I just assumed he brought his own. I mean after all, you wouldn't head out to pull a sophisticated caper like that without your own condiments?!