You never know how angry you are at someone...

...until you finally open your mouth to tell them off.

Warning: 100% rant here

I just told my roommate off and found out just how angry at him I was. Basically, told him he'd reached a new level of inconsiderate oblivious narcissism, even for him.

Short version: my mom came out to visit me for the day on Saturday. When I swung by the apartment briefly, he hijacked my mom, who he'd never met before, and spent an hour talking to her non stop about his (incredibly mediocre) paintings. She got bored after 5 minutes, but she and I were both too polite to tell him we were completely uninterested, and he didn't stop talking long enough to notice. Me reading a shop manual or leaving the room was not enough of a hint to get the point across.

After we left, my mom wanted to avoid my apartment for the rest of the day, because she didn't want to get hijacked by him again. This of course threw a wrench in a few of my other plans for the day.

/rant

Did he tell you to grow a pair and stop being so passive aggressive?

Salinas said: You never know how angry you are at someone ...

...until confronting this someone face to face and you black out, next thing you know three people are pulling you off of him and he goes to the hospital.

You never know.

Are you angry at him for being himself or you for not being able to just say "Hey, nobody berkeleying cares - we have to go".

Don't blame him because neither of you had the balls to tell him you weren't interested at the time.

Suck it up, and apologize.

Well, I'm definitely learning the lesson to not be so polite to him anymore. Pissed off because I used to consider him a good friend, and he's progressively ticked me off with how much he's generally a teenage girl.

Maybe I'm irritated at myself for thinking I can treat him like an adult.

And no, I'm not apologizing. The guy needed to be told off. However, now that I've gotten the worst off my chest, I'm going to go back to being civil with him.

Learn to clearly express your needs, even if it comes across as rude. Oblivious or not, NO ONE is a mind reader. Being passive aggressive does not improve the situation.

Southern politeness simply puts the blame on the person trying to extricate themselves. For example, "Oh, MY! Would you look at the time? Well, I need to stop bothering you and get on out of here, let you get back to your day." As they're telling you "It's no bother at all," you're already heading out the door.

dollraves wrote: Learn to clearly express your needs, even if it comes across as rude. Oblivious or not, NO ONE is a mind reader. Being passive aggressive does not improve the situation. Southern politeness simply puts the blame on the person trying to extricate themselves. For example, "Oh, MY! Would you look at the time? Well, I need to stop bothering you and get on out of here, let you get back to your day." As they're telling you "It's no bother at all," you're already heading out the door.

That's ultimately what I did. I just needed to do it sooner.

But yeah, he still needed to be told off so that, in the future, I can bring friends/family over to my apartment and not have him pester us.

My nephews father can talk paint off the walls ,, I basically will have no conversation with him after he starts dribbling information out . I stop him after a couple of sentences and then say ""BOIL IT Down ""

dollraves wrote: Southern politeness simply puts the blame on the person trying to extricate themselves. For example, "Oh, MY! Would you look at the time? Well, I need to stop bothering you and get on out of here, let you get back to your day." As they're telling you "It's no bother at all," you're already heading out the door.

Write this down for later, it's saved me many times. Now that you've gone nuclear on him, any future growls will be heeded more or you may have to use percussive maintenance.

For someone who likes to talk and may have been going out of his way to be friendly toward you and your family, your rant may have come out of left field from your roommate's perspective.

It boils down to this: you were being polite about his feelings and didn't say what you needed to say when you needed to say it. He was perhaps also trying to be polite by engaging your mom in conversation, but didn't realize your day was already planned.

You can't expect him to know what you know unless you tell him. So, next time tell him at the outset that you have a limited amount of time before you are heading out or whatever. Don't let it fester until it explodes out of you. That's not helping anyone.

I save the trouble and just be agressive-agressive.

I thought I responded to this but must not have hit "add Post".

I can think of a million scenarios that could have went worse involving a roommate and someones mother, this really doesn't seem that bad as you describe it. There must be more to it, and this was just the issue that created the tipping point. Figure out that issue and deal with that. For all we know, he thought you were in the other room using the bathroom, and was just trying to kill time for you entertaining you mom.

Pic of mother?...

Some people seem completely oblivious to the whole rattling on bit. I have a friend who will happily blather on for an hour about every little thing. I often have to be borderline rude to get off the phone with him. That doesn't keep me from doing it. Try to be more assertive. It will give you a feeling of liberation and ultimately reduce your anger.

paul wrote: Pic of mother?...

I see what you did there!

oldsaw wrote:

paul wrote: Pic of mother?...

I see what you did there!

And I thought I was being the rude guy in this thread.

My mom's trick for this on the phone: When she gets an opening and is tired of talking, "Well, I'll let you go now". Like Dollraves said, it makes them think that you are holding them up with their day

I've been in several similar situations, tho I rarely decided to just let go of all civil restraints and let that someone REALLY have it....rarely.

Face it, the person you are really angry with is YOU...for putting up with this situation for as long as you did.

There are some people who blather on & on delivering a monologue thinking that because another person is standing there it is a conversation (is it their civic duty to "entertain/inform us? as we resist the urge to shout fire and run?). Some are self-absorbed shiny happy people, and some are just charm-school dropouts...

Sometimes you gotta be blunt, or grab a blunt object !

I offered him some good advice at the end of my rant: "I don't care who you are or what you're into, no one is as interested in your hobbies as you are." Hopefully he will listen, but I know better.

You don't want to see pics of my mother from the past 15 years.

EastCoastMojo wrote: You can't expect him to know what you know unless you tell him. So, next time tell him at the outset that you have a limited amount of time before you are heading out or whatever. Don't let it fester until it explodes out of you. That's not helping anyone.

Problem was, it wasn't just trying to be entertaining. He was pulling out every painting he'd done, explaining the inspiration for them, and stuff like that. Got to the point of him discussing what commission cuts different venues charge on art.

I figured he was boring my mom, but didn't realize he'd gotten on her nerves as quickly as he had.

At one point, I came out and shot him a look. He even said, "All right, all right. I'll stop talking now." And then continued to talk.

Datsun1500 wrote:

Salanis wrote: and he's progressively ticked me off with how much he's generally a teenage girl.

so you are angry he wont berkeley you or?

My girlfriend coined the "teenage girl" description because he reminds her of how self obsessed and incapable of taking care of herself she was back in high school.

Sometimes the best roommate is someone you get along with but not an existing friend !

Chebbie_SB wrote: Sometimes the best roommate is someone you get along with but not an existing friend !

Yes. Thankfully he's moving out in a couple months. I think that will be for the better.

Chebbie_SB wrote: Sometimes the best roommate is someone you get along with but not an existing friend !

The best roommates, I have found, are people who you would call friends but aren't really friends. You'd hang out with them and enjoy it at school or work, but not outside of forced meetings. Two of my roommates have become two of my best friends this way.