I only drove this Metris to grab lunch from Publix--don't worry, this was back in olden times--but I figured I'd park in the cargo van section of the lot. 
We recently drove the passenger van version of the Metris, and you could say that we were less than impressed. Does the Metris work better as a cargo van? You'll have to read the reviews below.
Specification-wise, the Metris cargo van and passenger van are pretty much identical save for a distinct lack of seats in the cargo van. Power comes from a turbocharged inline-four that produces a humble 208 horsepower and 258 lb.-ft. of torque.
The example we were given for the week was configured in an odd way. It featured almost all of the available options, including rear wipers. However, a solid partition--a dealer-installed accessory--was also added, making it impossible to see out the back windows and rendering the rear wipers useless.
Besides that, the Metris has up to 199 cubic feet of space and a 5000-pound towing capacity, depending on which wheelbase length you pick.
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The first Mercedes-Benz I've ever driven, and it's a cargo van. As shocking as that might be, let me remind you that I'm only 25, and I've been an "automotive journalist," for about a year.
So yeah, the first Mercedes-Benz I ever got to drive was a cargo van.
What did I think of it? I sincerely thought I was going to have a worse time than I actually did. I feel comfortable saying that this works well as a cargo van.
With that being said, I'd have a hard time recommending this to anyone who might need a cargo van. My biggest complaint? 91 Octane only. Not recommended in a way that you get way with putting a lower octane fuel in, but actually requires 91.
The other big gripe? The navigation unit from like 2006. It was apparently too old for my phone to connect bluetooth (I ended up turning up the volume on my phone and putting in a cup holder to listen to my music), and upon seeing that I had to punch in addresses using a dial to select each letter, I left it well alone.
Side rant: Why do manufacturers keep putting in navigation, especially one this outdated? Most of us have very nice phones that can navigate us perfectly well, and if for some reason you don't, stick-on navigation units are pretty inexpensive almost always work better than factory units.
The Metris did have one saving grace, though, even if it was pretty small: genuine paddle shifters and a dedicated manual mode. At the push of a button, I could put the van into manual mode and wind out the engine to make some fun turbo noises. Did I mention that unloaded cargo vans can actually feel pretty quick?
I would only recommend this if, for some reason, you or your employees need to be seen in a Mercedes-Benz while on the job--like maybe a shop that specializes in Mercedes-Benzes. Outside of that, there's a lot of other options out there that will do just as well for a bit less money overall.
If anything, maybe this is the sort of vehicle that does well in places like Europe, but doesn't really translate well into the American market.
I was going to set aside an hour, sit down with 20 browser tabs open to every conceivable fact and figure of this and other mid-sized vans, and write a detailed, nuanced review comparing and contrasting this with its competition. Does the price premium buy more than a badge? Does it fill an empty-but-narrow niche in the cargo van market? Would I buy one?
Then it dawned on me: The Metris is so horrible it doesn’t deserve that much time, effort, attention, thought, or website traffic. This thing blows and there’s no way around it. If I was Matt Damon and had to drive this thing from my crash site on Mars to my rocket home, I’d stay on the red planet and farm potatoes until I died of boredom.
Look, I know Mercedes is no stranger to engineering challenges, but it seems like the challenge here was “Make a van that’s worse in every conceivable way than any other van on the planet.”
Metris: The rattles of an ‘80s Dodge van, the sound of a rod-knocking tractor and the comfort of a prisoner transport bus with the price of a Mercedes. See your local dealer today for more information.
Oh, and I forgot to mention: It takes premium fuel for some reason.
When the Metris showed up at the office, I was excited. It looked like it would be a nifty little van, and with the Mercedes badge on it, I expected it to have some better features than the average commercial vehicle. However, once I got in the driver’s seat all I could keep thinking to myself was, how is this a new car?
The Metris was nothing short of a disappointment. Between the partition rattling over every bump, the radio being impossible to connect Bluetooth to and sounding like the speakers were underwater, this is not the quality vehicle that I expected from a Mercedes product.
This had so many elements that should have added up to an above average van but somehow, they made it feel like a fleet vehicle built in 1982 that had been driven hard its entire life. However, there is one thing I really liked about it, the color.
I only drove this Metris to grab lunch from Publix--don't worry, this was back in olden times--but I figured I'd park in the cargo van section of the lot.
They look great modified. Now only if they were reliable ....
That Hartmann van.
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